Hi – welcome to my blog. I'm Max, and here you can read my random thoughts about a variety of topics. I write whenever I feel like it, and use this space to ...
I do not like the fact that I cannot control the outcomes of my life. Don't get me wrong – I'm not a control freak, but I can confidently say that I have a low tolerance for uncertainty. Growing up with a Ukrainian post-Soviet mother, the importance of always being ready was drilled into me from an early age. Relying on a single parent who was always working, I often had to take care of myself. I…
My Fantasy In my big boy grown-up fantasy, I live a life in which I sleep well most nights. I wake up feeling refreshed, ready — and excited — to take on the adversities of my day. I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, feeling the sheets under me. I smile to myself and look forward to my day and the adventures I will encounter. Ah yes. Rest. Instead, I wake up at 5am to pee because I drank…
My boss formally gave me what's called a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). Two weeks ago, I walked into our regularly scheduled meeting, only to find not just my boss, but HR as well. They handed me sheets of paper outlining ways in which I need to improve my performance. Apparently, I need to work on my project management, time management, and communication skills. The PIP explicitly stated…
Lately it has been difficult for me to find joy in my life. I notice that I feel tired — not just physically, but emotionally. Something deep within me needs quiet and calm. Work We got through our big work event last Saturday, but the fun never stops. There's always more to do. I resent my boss, and though I know it could be so much worse, I'm still not happy with it. I have been asked to keep a…
For the last few years, my full-time job has been running a community makerspace at a nonprofit. I have too many things to say about it, but I can tell you with confidence: it's a hard job. As it turns out, when you're competent, everybody wants things from you. People will come in left and right with projects or requests, without any desire to do the task themselves. I run the makerspace, order…
Well well well. I got into this whole blogging thing and then dropped off the face of the planet for four months. Work has been busy, and I've been stressed out. Therapy starts again next week with my new (old) insurance plan. I'm hoping to identify people-pleasing patterns + work on my relationship anxiety + relationship OCD (if that's what this is). Last Saturday, C and I kissed. I don't mean to…
Ever since I broke up with my girlfriend and moved into my own apartment, it's taken me a long time to get back on my feet. I kept guilt-tripping myself for not unpacking all the boxes, for having a mattress on the floor, for not hanging pictures on my walls. Steadily, however, I've been making my apartment my own. When I first moved, I slept on an air mattress for several months. Now, I own a…
I'll make this quick. It's the end of the day, I'm about to go to bed, and for some reason, I feel...happy. Wow. Observations on what I'm feeling: My body feels tired There's not a lot of mental noise/static – it's pretty calm I feel pleased with the work I accomplished today My work day was quiet, but active enough I fed myself food that I made, I drank tea, and I allowed myself simple pleasures…
As I'm getting in the swing of writing Bear blog posts, I'm noticing a few things go through my mind: Perfectionistic tendencies - this experiment must be tailored and intentional Protection around anonymity, and how anonymous do I really want to be Protection around sharing, and how much do I really want to share Looking too far into the future and where this will all end up Imagined scenarios of…
I just read Ava's blog post about using AI as a bandaid and procrastination. You can read it here: https://blog.avas.space/bandaid I had some thoughts of my own that I wanted to share. I use ChatGPT for everything. I ask it what temperature to use and how long to bake my sweet potato. I ask it questions about the filming of The Sopranos (finishing up season 3 today). I especially ask it for…