posts - writing-2026-05-29

Created: 30 May 2026 02:33 UTC

May 29 2026 - 20:33

Scholarship work is done aside for one that’s due in July. Abstract for August presentation is submitted. Eid parties are attended (1 more on the 31st). After all that, I’ll be able to live like usual again. I do think I need to do stuff for ETH as well though.

I do need to actually start 3D modelling though. Also I’ll be going ham on research too, but that’s for worrying after the weekend. ALSO I need to start scanning stuff, so maybe after finishing writing this, I’ll add the HDD sitting in my closet and checking it works before sleeping.

Something has been hitting me this past week. I generally consider myself closest th to the labels of “genderless” and even “agender” moreso (though still not exactly), but obviously at the family parties, which are primarily governed [formed] by religion [similarities] and then ethnicity [similarities], everyone there is generally cishet, proponents of gender binary, and are generally accepting of the ideas of dimorphism and gender roles as “natural”. Add onto this, one of the people I know who is in her mid-30s recently had a child, and one of the parties was essentially her kid’s birthday party. I actually generally sit with the girls at these parties usually, as well as with the guys sometimes, though mostly because I am male presenting and AMAB, but the pressure honestly feels real.

I haven’t really told any of the people there about my gender (let alone my family members) so as a result, I, like everyone else there, become a representation of the gender binary I fall into. I’m not really sure but how to put these into the exact words at the moment since I’m still processing it all, but when my friend was detailing how she 180’d her opinion on having kids [from not having any to now having one], there was a combination of fear and stress that started building in me. I’ve also been getting really annoyed by the fact that I’m a representation of the gender binary by default. I’ll write more about this mainly next time though since I’ve already written a lot today. Good night.

Fin 20:16

Why must gender be so annoying?
Why is gender so annoying?

なんで性別ってこんなに面倒なんだろう？