April 2008

Christian Parenting Book Review

 Stepfamily Success: Practical Solutions for Common Challenges

There is a dearth of Christian books on step-parenting, and Gillespie's book helps to fill the void. Gillespie is a veteran at step-parenting, and draws partly on her own experience.

The book is divided into five main sections.

1. The Marriage: The most useless section of the book. Gillespie wants to emphasize that in a second marriage, the most important thing for everyone is to work on the marriage and keep it strong. But there is a plethora of marriage resources for Christians. We don't need to to waste precious pages in this book about stepfamily issues.
2. The Kids: Losing control of your kids is a big thing to deal with, even if you're the one who has custody and you're only giving the kids up for the weekend. Resist to urge to try to control the way your other parent runs their household. For stepparents, Gillespie warns to keep expectations low. Don't expect the kids to bond with the stepparent. It's realistic to hope that the kids will respect the stepparent, but don't expect anything more. To help the kids respect and bond with the stepparent, the stepparent should not be involved in discipline for at least the first few years.
3. The Former Spouse: When dealing with the former spouse it's important to show Christian love and respect at all times, even if that respect isn't returned. The kids will be deeply hurt if you ever say anything critical or negative about their other parent.
4. The Authorities: When the authorities get involved--and they probably will--keep your head. Don't panic. Pray, keep your mouth shut, don't invite the authorities into your house, and call your lawyer immediately. Don't lie to the judge; don't lie at all.
5. The Support: Gillespie gives God and the Bible a prominent place throughout the book, but in this last section, she includes an entire chapter of Bible verses that give comfort and advice to stepfamilies. She also lists books, websites, and organizations that exist to support stepfamilies.

Complaints
The first section is kind of disappointing because it focuses on the marriage, not on the problems unique to stepfamilies. My second complaint is that there is very little advice for a stepparent who is coming into the marriage without kids of his or her own. In Gillespie's marriage, both she and her husband had children from a previous marriage, and it's clear that Gillespie isn't thinking much about families where only one spouse has kids already.

Christian Book Review

 Before You Get Engaged

Before You Get Engaged is a Christian relationship book. The basic idea is to give some guidance to couples thinking about getting engaged. David Gudgel writes the book, with interspersed comments from his son and his son's girlfriend, who are (as of the book's writing) considering marriage.

The Organization
The book is broken down into four main sections:

1. Are you individually mature enough and ready for marriage? This encompasses things like being spiritually mature and in tune with God, being ready to give up dating and settle down, being ready for lifelong commitment, being financially ready, and being free of prior commitments (like overseas military service.)
2. Are you a good couple? Gudgel spends a chapter talking about the difference between infatuation and love, and he says that three kinds of love--physical (eros), emotional (phileo), and sacrificial (agape)--are required in a healthy marriage-bound relationship. Gudgel spends several chapters on communication issues and pitfalls, one chapter explaining why your core values and goals need to align, and then an entire chapter on spirituality--that is, are your spiritual beliefs, values, goals, etc. compatible?
3. The third section talks about the importance of getting counsel and advice from God, family, and friends.
4. In the fourth section, Gudgel advises couples that if they see potential problems, they should end the relationship. It's easier to end things before an engagement than after the invitations have been sent, and it's far easier than a divorce. Or, if the couple is ready for marriage, Gudgel advises young men to make the proposal a big deal.

The Advice
The quality of the advice in Before You Get Married is generally good, but not outstanding. For a Christian book, it's surprisingly light on Bible quotes. Gudgel talks more about personality and relationships than about Scripture--which, I suppose, is the right thing to do. This is a book designed to help you choose a spouse, and the Bible doesn't have much to say about that subject.

I am concerned about Gudgel's use of James 1:6-7.

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord

Gudgel interprets this to mean that those with doubts should not pray, because it would be wasted effort. (That's a bad interpretation.) He then uses this to support his statement that those who have doubts about engagement should not get engaged. (That's good advice.) I'm not objecting to Gudgel's advice, but I question his handling of the Bible. Fortunately, this is a minor point and detracts little from the book.

The Gimmick
And now the gimmick. Most of the book is written by David Gudgel, but occasionally the text is interrupted by comments from his son Brent. The Brent sections are written conversationally, a jarring change of tone. The idea is that these sections can give us a personal glimpse into the thoughts of someone who is going through the process of deciding to get engaged. It should help to vividly illustrate the points Gudgel is making in the main text. Unfortunately, it does not. Brent is too reserved about himself, choosing not to divulge any significant details about his relationship with Danielle (and I don't blame him!) This makes the Brent sections pretty much meaningless. Of course they had to be included, even though they weaken the book: the book is too short to be published without these sections.

The Conclusion
There's nothing really bad in Before You Get Engaged, but nothing to recommend either. I suggest you find a different book.

Science Fiction Book Review

 Destiny's Road

Destiny's Road is slow, meandering, uncompelling, and nearly plotless. It falls into the worldbuilding subgenre of science fiction, sort of. The setting is a lost colony on the planet Destiny. The technology left over from the original settlers is just about gone, and the inhabitants of Destiny are making do. Their civilization is barely more advanced than subsistence farming. Education is poor, and their knowledge of history is rapidly being lost. The peculiarities of Destiny are mysteries to most people. Niven's protagonist, Jemmy Bloocher, is a young boy who is intensely interested in the origins of the Destiny colony. Jemmy wants to find out as much as he can about how and why Destiny was settled, and what went wrong to allow the loss of technology and collapse of civilization. Jemmy wants to know the secrets of Destiny, but there is no one to tell him.

Fortunately, Niven provides a solution. Jemmy kills a man in a fit of rage, and then flees for his life. His flight takes along the great spiral road of Destiny, along which he gradually learns the secrets of Destiny. Too bad it's boring. Destiny has little potassium, so the people will die of deficiency unless they eat enough speckles--a particular kind of spice sold only by merchant caravans. Civilization on Destiny will only advance when everybody has access to a plentiful supply of speckles instead of being held hostage to the merchants.

I did not finish Destiny's Road.