Imposter syndrome
I remember my first time at XOXO back in 2015. I felt like a fake. I had mustered up the courage to get a ticket and fly over to Portland. Yet, standing in line to check in and get my badge, I felt like I didn’t belong.
When other attendees introduced themselves, I felt paralyzed. Many had impressive backgrounds. They worked for influential companies. They made very cool things. I, on the other hand, had little to show.
At the time, I often felt worthless. I was working at a startup that was clearly going nowhere. I was interested in many of the things attendees were sharing. However, I didn’t have any cool projects of my own. Though I felt uncomfortable, I still stuck around.
When I got home, I reflected on my imposter syndrome and devised plans to lose it. I tried journaling, recognizing how feelings of inadequacy were based on fear rather than reality. I tried letting go of perfectionism. I tried to prepare for social events in advance to combat feelings proactively. I even attended discussion groups related to imposter syndrome. None of those methods worked.
I kept attending XOXO the subsequent years. The other attendees were incredibly inviting and kind. Each interaction with them helped me feel like I belonged. After I started arun.is, I started to occasionally receive a complement in person or via email. After Carrot started to pick up traction, I started receiving recognition from my peers.
Looking back, I have realized that the indirect ways of addressing imposter syndrome — journaling, reframing, etc. — never worked for me. What worked was addressing the core problems — feeling a sense of belonging and accomplishment.
Do you feel imposter syndrome? How do you address it?
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