the rut called creativity
trying to find the passion to write again has led me to creating this blog. deciding to finally just write my thoughts, however stream-of-consciousness or rambling it may end up being.
at times, it feels like my creativity and ideas are boundless. so much variety, so many simultaneous projects i want to plot out that my notebook simply can't hold all my frantic scribbles and half-thoughts about a half-dozen topics all at once. i share these ideas with friends, i discuss the avenues these stories could follow, and inevitably... i lose interest.
no, more precisely, i lose my passion.
all these ideas still intrigue me, i still care about most of them, and i try to eke out a small stream of productive work. the problem is that my creativity is gone. i find myself in a rut, staring at all my work, all my ideas in my notebooks and on my computer, with no drive to continue.
why? i think i get in over my head. sometimes when i return to one of my drafts, i can't help but try to plan the entire thing out in advance. i want to write, but i get it into my head that as the author, i need to know what's going to happen through the entire story before i can even begin a draft.
i try to plan out some characters, i have a beginning, i have an ending. of course, the fun part in writing comes from figuring out what happens between these two goalposts. but i can't seem to find the courage to not attempt to premeditate the entire thing - and that burns me out bad.
i know some people thrive under this kind of condition - worldbuilding is what i'm describing. to not write the story, but to write the world it is set in before you write the story, so that you have established truths to work within the confines of. (and i do this too!)
i've spoken to a friend about this. trying to find a solution to "how can i make myself feel okay with just making a character if the situation needs it, rather than trying to predict the future?". the advice was sound, but i just can't seem to psych myself into it.
there's a good chance it's just the fear of putting myself in a plot hole or contradicting myself later on - but that's what drafts are for. hopefully some day i'll return to a couple of my more developed ideas and turn them from vaporware into a finished product.
i've just got to get myself out of this rut i call creativity.