on hating and respecting your truth
I used to think toxic positivity was a term that I unfairly wielded against optimistic people who rubbed me the wrong way because I was a depressed person wallowing in misery. Carving a home out of that familiar dread was surely how I protected myself from criticism. "I'm just being honest!" I thought to myself, after spending a significant amount of time demonizing someone who "wronged" me. And it's true--at some point, I had to recognize that certain things about my childhood darkened my worldview, made it more difficult for me to forge healthy relationships, and turned me into an incessantly negative adult. I sought therapy for 9 years. I briefly took psychiatric drugs for anxiety, ADHD, and depression. I was able to step outside of myself and see a very hurt individual who didn't know how to communicate properly.
But I think anyone on a path of self-knowledge knows that initial healing can swing the pendulum to the opposite extreme. And sometimes it takes encountering people on that extreme to understand that it's emotionally underdeveloped. Which is why, today, at this juncture, and maybe this is a perspective I will later see as a sign of my continued immaturity but I can't think too much about that or else I'll implode, anyway back to what I was saying, toxic positivity is a thing and hating can be healing. Because what I've been finding lately is that the same type of person who clings to this notion of neutrality/positivity will often express their disdain for you (and other things) in passive aggressive ways. It's a type of dishonesty that drives me crazy because I'd rather someone be overly negative and direct; at least you can have an open discussion with someone who lays their hater cards out on the table.
Something I've had to learn time and time again is that toxically positive people will be your friends in private, one-on-one interactions and then happily associate with a group of people who hate your guts. For some reason, the mean-spirited nature of gossip and bullying is tolerated (and dare I say enjoyed) by those types when it's in a group setting. Among the cacophony of multiple voices, they feel safe not speaking up. And when given no choice but to contribute, they'll derail or zigzag all over the place in an attempt to protect their image. A friend to all is a friend to none, etc.
Toxically positive people know that their lack of discernment expresses a personality of innocence. Always anxious, they seek immunity from criticism as they cling to their own warped idea of kindness. Their unfailingly polite demeanor masks a deep insecurity, a condition that can only be helped by practicing vulnerability and taking risks. This is when I start to humanize those same people who have "wronged" me, when I understand precisely why I'm using quotes. Toxically positive people are seeking answers to their own negativity, just like me.