Why did I stop to journal?
Today I sat at my desk typing a new post (not this one) and looked over at my stack of notebooks that I use to journal. I wrote about it awhile back that each one served a purpose. Well, I grabbed my daily journal and was surprised once I opened it.
The last post was back on May 2nd. It had two sentences. Since then, I haven't once had the desire to grab any of these notebooks, I currently have 5, and write in them. I don't know what happened but perhaps that was when I started my spiral.
Since then I have deleted social accounts, stayed indoors most days unless I had to go into the office for my mandatory 2 days or get groceries and gas. I tried some solutions to help with income and it didn't pan out. And now the stress of the unknown at work has piled on.
The one good thing is that I focused more on this blog and writing. I can't make any money from it unfortunately to pay bills. I'm not sure why I don't write in my journal instead especially when most days I hate technology. I easily get frustrated at the smallest inconveniences.
Like two nights ago, I learned that I could quickly transfer my music collection to my iPhone with my Linux laptop easily. It took over two hours but the next morning I was excited to hear my own library in the car and at work.
No matter which app I used to hear the music, there were issues. Frozen apps, crashing apps, no skipping songs, mixed album covers and so on. Last night I spoke with my wife and we just laughed that the old iPod's worked flawlessly with our own music files but today our more powerful phones can't handle it. We agreed it was a conspiracy to get people to pay for streaming.
So back to my old iPod's because it works better than the phones. But I need to be honest, my GrapheneOS Pixel 7 using Booming Music app is a pleasure, it never has errors. The universe is telling me something. If the iPod's stop working, the Pixel is there for me!
Perhaps, this just came to me now, I don't want to write because I am angry. I don't want to fill the journal with too many unhappy thoughts. This year has been tough for me and my family and one day I do not want to read it again. I suppose I could throw it out after my life improves which is one possibility but I have no desires to read my old self.
I leave the past in the past. I learn my mistakes, I hope I do, and recall the feelings and emotions of past decisions. If I remember not to trust someone or how some action made me feel, it's done. I don't need to rethink and hope this time it will work out, no, I'm done. I'm too old now to go back and forth. I spent my 20's and 30's doing that and it wasn't until my 40's I chose me. I had a good run and so did my family but since 2020, it's been all down hill.
Reading blogs and posts from others, there are many people struggling. Industries we thought would be great for careers are hurting. We never thought our governments would support rich people over the middle and low classes. Is it our fault for voting and electing these individuals? Do they get corrupt once elected? Who knows.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I promise to add some fun posts on this blog.