Reblogged
so im having a piss in the bathroom (where its supposed to go…) and these vaping godless wenches think the sound of my tinkle warrants a giggle. does anyone know how to get me in contact with some powerful etsy witches for a cheap and swift vengeance
Reblogged
Pirate’s booty, Pirate’s penis, Pirate’s balls. All treasure. What about a Pirate's soul? Does not matter at all to me. Pirates are made to be objectified.
Reblogged
"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree? thy mother Art thou for fucking real
Reblogged
washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes
Reblogged
the neopets subreddit is actually really good sometimes One day that'll be me with headless von roo plushies
everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy Spaghetti squash
Reblogged
did you know that if your glasses are dirty theres no way to fix it and you are blind forever? sad!
Reblogged
People are always so worried about declining birth rates like genuinely why would I give a shit
Reblogged
I know it's very common for winter to make people miserable or lethargic, but for me I find that it's honestly the opposite? winter makes me feel refreshed and alive. summer makes me feel like a slug being steamed gyozastyle. when the first autumn breeze graces my sluggy skin I will be rejuvenated and live forever