When raspberries attack

Well, more than just fireworks have been exploding this 4th of July. Perhaps you’ve heard about the parasite wreaking havoc on American tum tums from coast to coast the last few weeks, causing intense bouts of diarrhea and abdominal distress.

It’s called Cyclospora, which is Latin for “shit one’s pants.”

I obviously heard about it the moment the first person fell victim to the bug in Michigan. News like that travels through my algorithm faster than the onset of cyclospora itself, which can take a few days once you have come in contact with it.

On the contrary, my wife literally had not heard of this infection until yesterday, when someone behind her in line was talking about how they definitely had it. Her algorithm is almost exclusively the Supreme Court justices and Gianvito Rossi heels.

The anxiety that I am now experiencing centers exclusively on how to wash fruits and vegetables. Apparently this little shit-stirrer attaches itself to our produce and does not want to let go until you sit on that potty and beg for mercy. If you wash your produce well, the risk decreases.

But what is “well?” How do I know if I washed my leaves and berries well? Do I need soap? Doesn’t soap give you the runs? Do I need vinegar? Is that real because I’ve heard it is not. What do we do when our healthiest food options turn against us? Is all this worry going to give me the nervous poops? How will I know if those are nervous poops or cyclospora poops? Does it matter? Should I start cooking my fruit? I don’t like cooked fruit unless it’s in pies. Should I just eat pies from now on? I haven’t had a scallion since the Great Scallion Scare of the early aughts. Is this going to be that but with foods I like?

Here’s the good news. It doesn’t sound like this bug comes with the barfs, and that might be our only saving grace. If the barfs start, I will walk into the ocean and you will never see me again.

And with that I would love to tell you about this week’s Wooby & Fotty! We have a brand new episode of “Indeed We Read” in which they read all about our beautiful oceans. It’s called “Ocean Life” by Jill McDonald and you can buy it here!

Explosively yours,

Lauren