being selfish

I am really selfish.

I used to say this as a joke to my closest friends whenever I asked them for something, because that something made me feel good. An essay they wrote. A song they made. Didn’t matter what it was, I wanted more of it. So I’d tell them to make more, purely so I could consume better.

Lately this has spread to Substack. There are so many people here who write so well that I want more of what they make, so I hype them up. Not fake praise, I don’t lie. I just do it because I want more of what they create. Purely for my own satisfaction.

I know some of them are running behind in life, struggling to get basics done. Doesn’t stop me from asking them to write more. Because whenever I get time to read their stuff, I walk away with a new perspective on something.

So is it really selfish to push people because you like what they make? I’d argue no. It isn’t hurting anyone, and it’s not something they wouldn’t have done anyway. I’m not creating the process, just speeding it up. Think of me as a catalyst. The reaction was always going to happen. I just added heat.

I never chased anyone down for it either. It’s more of a gentle nudge: that was good, do more of it. They should just know someone out there is waiting. A little pressure never hurt anyone.

And when someone comes back with a banger essay, or a song, or a video, some tiny part of me thinks maybe my nudge helped. As a manager, I’ve never stolen credit (self proclaimed, ask my team if you don’t believe me). But quietly, in the smallest voice possible, I tell myself my request made it happen. Heh. That’s the reward. That’s the cookie.

They say reading is fuel for writing, and I want to write well. Better than my last piece, and someday far better than the writer I am right now. That takes consistent effort. Writing whenever and wherever you can, even when you don’t feel like it, because you should. Your mind and your fingers need to move as one, no gap in between. And the way there is clearing your thoughts, keeping them uncomplicated. Your thoughts should be without any impurities, 100% organic cruelty free coffee, if you may. (Sorry aunt May, I still haven’t watched your niece’s latest movie. I am trying my best) and one of the best ways to achieve this is to consume a lot of good words.

Words that make sense. Words which evoke different feelings. Words that make you travel. Words that make you think and go huh? Really? Oh that’s why! Damn. Ones that make you gasp. Ones to realise the horrors of the world. The injustice, the good bits, the ones where hope won, once again. Ones where perseverence actually paid. The words which make you believe in the goodness of the world. Words which will make you think and question better. Words which humble you down. Words which tell you that you’re not the best. You can only be better than before and always remember that there is always someone out there who did it better than you with far less resources. Words which tell you that even though this sounds demotivating, you need to remember that you’re that person who did better than someone in far less resources for someone else. Every summit you climb only shows you how many people are still ahead. All you can do is keep climbing. Focus on the basics. Read more.

So when I comment on your essay, or DM you, or restack your work, know that I mean it. But also know I’m doing it for myself. I can only get better as a writer when you all keep getting better and pull me up with you. We grow because we see someone doing it better and it pushes us past our last attempt.

So go check if I, or someone else, told you your work was good enough that they need more of it, soon.

And then do it. Because they’re selfish, and so am I.

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