Lesson 4: What Disney Taught Me About Letting Go of My Dream

This post is part of a new series where I reflect on my ten-year journey as a professional illustrator. I’m deep diving each year, one hard-earned lesson at a time. So, whether you're just starting out or feeling stuck on your own path, I hope this series helps you feel less alone in the messy hullabaloo of trying to figure it all out.

If you missed Lesson #3, you can read it here. Or watch the full video on YouTube!

Lesson #4: What Disney Taught Me About Letting Go of My Dream

After years of clinging to the dream of working in animation, I entered 2018 burned out and directionless. If you recall, I had spent the previous year trying everything I could to make that dream happen:

• Brand new visdev portfolio

• Endless (rejected) job applications

• Personal projects

• Networking via socials and conventions

• Leaving my illustration agency to focus on animation

But, alas! Nothing was clicking and, out of sheer stubbornness, I still couldn’t admit it was time to let it go.

Since I was hopelessly unemployed, that year, I took a marketing design job at the company where my dad worked. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I made PowerPoint decks in muted blue brand colors. I wore button-up shirts and jeans on Fridays (goodbye, eclectic fashion!).

It was safe, corporate… and I hated every second of it. I still made art on the side, still told myself that I would find something any day now. Hoping that eventually, something would pull me back toward that animation dream. At one point, I even considered going to grad school and started applying for art education and business programs, but even that was done half-heartedly.

It wasn’t until I got accepted into the Light Grey Art Lab residency that things started to shift.

I had done a few group gallery shows with them already, and every summer they held a 10 day residency trip in Iceland. I knew a lot of animation people would attend, and I hoped it could also be a networking trip. And this trip truly changed everything

We hiked, painted, cooked meals together, and shared our stories. It was funny, many of them were at crossroads just like me. Someone was considering changing careers, someone else was going through a major life change. And as we talked it out, I became inspired.

I finally admitted to myself that animation wasn’t my dream anymore. In 90’s Disney movie fashion, this was a classic want vs need scenario.

It’s the narrative device where what a character thinks they want at the beginning of their journey isn’t actually what they need to grow. Often, the want is surface-level, but as the story progresses, our character self-actualizes and is challenged to dig deeper and embrace something more meaningful, even if it looks completely different than what they imagined.

The want song is the epitome of this. Some examples:

Simba wants to live a carefree Hakuna Matata life and forget the past.

But Simba needs to accept the past, take responsibility and his role in the pride.

Hercules wants to be a hero (think celebrity with endorsement deals) thinking this will lead him to be a God with his Olympus family

Hercules needs to realize that a hero isn’t flashy actions, but kindness and selflessness, and he can find his family and love in Meg as a mortal

Anoosha wants to work in the animation industry, because she thinks this path she has envisioned for the past several years is the only way to express her creativity and love of storytelling

Anoosha needs to find an outlet where she can truly thrive: not just creatively, but mentally and emotionally too. She needs to let go of the dream she outgrew, and realize that a fulfilling career can look different than what she originally imagined. One where she can tell meaningful stories, have ownership over her work, and build a life that feels aligned with who she is now… not who she was at 19.

And I found that outlet. Here are some reasons I became drawn to freelancing:

• Instead of working in an animation production where I would be bringing someone else’s vision to life, I would have the power to create the kind of stories I wish I had as a kid, that speak to my lived experiences.

• I had the freedom to work in my own style; in fact, clients would seek me out specifically because of it

• With my ADHD (that I was diagnosed with eventually in 2023), I had much more flexibility in how I managed my time, projects and what to take on.

I had outgrown my old dream, and it no longer aligned with the kind of work or life that I wanted. And even worse, I was ignoring the amazing new path that was right in front of me.

I came back from that trip ready to walk through a different door.

For the first time, I decided to give freelance illustration my full attention. Not as a plan B, something that I didn’t take seriously. But as a real, intentional career.

I moved out of my parents house! I joined a creative co-working studio in downtown Toronto because I knew I needed structure and community (I literally commuted 90 minutes each way just to give myself that space to create, and also get away from the subards.)

And, when I tell you things started to change, things CHANGED FAST!

I reached out to OwlCrate, a kids' book subscription box company, and landed a year-long freelance gig designing their postcards and enamel pins, and gave me a nice little bit of consistent work and income.

But my biggest project was Bilal Cooks Daal, published by Simon & Schuster (my first Big 4 publisher and finally a good advance!).

While I was working on Bilal, the author’s agent reached out. She noticed I didn’t have representation and asked if I was open to signing. After a difficult experience with my first agent, I’d sworn off ever going that route again. But I took a meeting with her, and she was thoughtful, transparent, and genuinely supportive. So I said yes! And it turned out to be one of the best decisions I made for my career.

With her help, I was hired to illustrate the cover for Other Words for Home, which later became a Newbery Honor book. That same cover illustration was selected for the Society of Illustrators annual exhibition, the first formal recognition I had ever received for my work.

And for the final step into this new world, I officially incorporated my freelance business, naming it The Art of Foxville Inc. (referencing my old username). This is when I feel like I fully accept this new path for myself as a freelance illustrator (even if the logistics of running a business were still a mystery to me).

In November, I returned to CTN. I was nervous to go back without a studio job or an animation portfolio. I was prepared for people to call me a failure for ‘giving up’. But instead of judgment, people were genuinely happy for me, and full of encouragement for finding this niche for myself.

It’s not about giving up on dreams, but staying open to new ones. There are so many ways to be creative, to build a meaningful career, and even to find passion in a path you never saw coming. New jobs and new industries are emerging every year that didn’t exist when we were fresh out of school, like who knew you could make big money from paying video games all day or making ASMR slime reels???

As they say, when one door closes, another opens.

If I had stay behind my ‘locked’ animation door, banging to be let in, I wouldn’t have never known that there was a better opportunity, right around the corner if I let myself be open to it.

A great example of this is in one of my favourite movies, Monsters University, which I rave about in my video “Why I Quit My Dream of Working in Animation”.

SPOILER ALERT!

Sometimes the door you thought would define your life stays shut. But if you pivot, if you stay curious, if you say yes to the unexpected, you might just find a better one.

My advice for people is to say YES, because you never know where it might lead you.

If you’re feeling stuck in your own creative path, I hope this story helps!

Have you ever gone through a pivot like this? What did you say YES to?

If you want help talking through your own process, I now offer 1:1 consulting for artists trying to navigate exactly these kinds of crossroads. You can find more info here!

You can also watch my full career story in this video:

Stay tuned for Lesson #5, where things are starting to look up a bit!

ANYWAY! THANKS FOR READING BYE

<3