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When I first moved to New York, I made $40k a year, and lived in a four bedroom apartment with three VICE reporters and one bartender.

Danny (not his real name), was a cameraman, but truly an international spy. I’m pretty sure he’s been to North Korea with a camera hidden in the button of his shirt. I remember him going deep undercover on assignment in China, and to underworld trade shows in really scary places like Louisiana and East Texas, documenting how easy it is to buy unregistered guns and monkeys. I believe he was even part of the crew who spent time with John McAfee on his compound before his “suicide.”

There was not a single personal care product in that apartment before I moved in, except for the shared bar of shower soap and multiple nearly-empty community toothpaste tubes. (Yes, I shared single bathroom with four men.)

Imagine my surprise when I came home one day to find Wella brand bottles of cream developer on the kitchen table. They were next to a box with too much tape and a foreign postal label I didn’t recognize. “They’re Danny’s,” and someone had accidentally opened his mail, was the only explanation I got until Danny himself finally came home from some clandestine locale. I wanted to convince him to let me be the one to, presumably, bleach his hair for the next assignment. I love to bleach :)

Come to find out, there was no disguise, unless you count the Wella bottles themselves, which, long story short, contained drugs. Danny ordered them on the Dark Web, on Silk Road.