It seems while I was completely offline yesterday, all those who were on had the chance to read some of Anthony Fauci’s diary, released to the public by Rand Paul ahead of a hearing that I believe is meant to happen to day. The Daily Caller has a very short piece about it. Everyone—or a lot of people—on X are chattering about it. Spencer Klaven has a take, and in the early dawn I read a long post by someone named Jennifer Sey who is doing her bit to keep men out of women’s sports. Her long post about Fauci is tragic—bleak, self-justifying, without hope. She recounts how she gave up everything that mattered to her to fight against school closures and the end result is that all of her relationships broke and nothing whatsoever changed for the good. Here she is in her own words:
I’m having a very hard time reading the Fauci diary excerpts. It’s bringing it all back. Everything from 2020 through 2023. I spoke up early and often.
Starting from the very beginning -- in March 2020 -- I was against all of it, but I had a particular focus on kids and school closures. As a Democrat (former) in deep blue San Francisco, this made me a heretic. A target.
I tweeted, yes. But I also led rallies in San Francisco to open the schools. I sat through virtual school board meetings that dragged on for nine hours and somehow never addressed the actual elephant in the room: the schools were closed.
I wrote op-eds. I went on local media to plead with the school board, the teachers’ unions. I did everything I could to get the public schools open -- just like private schools already were. I have 4 kids. All public school kids.
I lost most of my friends in this process of speaking up. There are family members I haven’t spoken to in over five years (their choice) and almost certainly never will.
And then there was my career which I’d spent 30 years building. Gone.
People love to say, “But it was worth it. You spoke the truth. You made a difference.”
The truth is: I’m not sure that’s true.
Schools in San Francisco stayed closed until September 2021. I made zero difference. I tried. It did nothing.
Reading these diary entries is brutal. I find myself weeping while reading them, and then I have to stop. I can’t take it. I can’t put myself through it.
This egomaniacal little sh*t of a man who lied constantly about everything: masking, spread, the vaccines, the closures, the origin. HE KNEW HE WAS LYING ABOUT ALL OF IT.
He goes on and on in the media and with his celebrity friends, soaking up the spotlight while lives were being ruined. He’s gloating about Julia Roberts and Kim Kardashian and Barbra Streisand like some teenaged social media influencer. He’s having private dinners with journalists while telling us we can’t see family for Thanksgiving.
Many kids still haven’t recovered from the isolation. The disruption to their development.
And my life was upended and will never be the same.
It would be nice to say “Yeah, it was all worth it.” But I don’t know. And it’s all very hard to read. Because I was a nobody fighting a machine that was never going to fold.
I could have stayed quiet. Gone along. Pulled my kids out of public schools and put them in private. But it was never just about my kids. It was about everyone’s kids.
If I’d done that, it would have all just passed. My life would have remained intact. I gained nothing. And impacted nothing.
People love to screech that I’m a grifter. The grift would have been staying quiet and leaving my reputation and salary intact. But I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Because I knew that children were suffering.
And I lost it all.
He was a liar and I was right, and it doesn’t matter because I still lost it all.
It’s all very depressing right now. I have no sense of: “Yeah, but I did the right thing.” Maybe because I’m not a person of faith.
I just feel utterly deflated and sad about it all.
There are no rewards for going early. Just disdain. And loss. And you never get it back. No one will apologize for cutting me off after 30 years of friendship, for trying to take me down and end my career. More importantly, no one will apologize to the children harmed. To the families who could not care for dying loved ones. To the small business owners who lost it all.
No apologies to anyone.
And the fact is, you never get back what you gave up trying to do the right thing. You remain cancelled. And those other people who did the cancelling, they don’t even know about the Fauci diaries.
So yeah, it’s all kind of hard to wade through at the moment. And fight against the black-pilling of my soul. 9:41 AM · Jul 28, 2026
The black-pilling of the soul seems an apt description, I think, of what has happened to so many over the last half decade. So many lost what little faith they had and others who might have gotten some never did. In the agonizingly long period of time between 2019 and now, I have read piles of books by Christians who walked away from the church, blaming everyone on the way out. Communities have been fractured. Some churches that closed never managed to reopen their doors. And apparently, while the whole nation was suffering, Dr. Fauci was school-girling himself over various celebrities. He knew all the time where the virus came from. He knew what measures would work and which ones were worthless. And yet when other scholars and scientists questioned him, he did all he could to destroy their careers. There is not only the cost of the illness itself—the lives lost, their families caught in prolonged grief—there is the heaping piles of distrust in institutions that were meant to guard and protect the American public. Indeed, scrolling through the posts last night and this morning, I spent most of the time wondering which one of them were true, and which were abject lies.
On the whole, I am grateful that while all of this news was roiling around and people were working up their takes, I didn’t know about any of it and didn’t have time to get worked up into a froth. I am especially happy that I didn’t—and don’t—have time to consider whether I lost anything that can’t be gotten back, or if I was on the right side or the wrong side of any of the most contentious issues of my lifetime. I did have some relationships break irreparably in the time of covid, and I have largely blamed myself, though I’m not sure why. Like everyone else, I was trying to mince my way through the heaps of lies that were being told every day.
No, instead of thinking more about covid, yesterday, the class I am taking this week meant that we sat around in metal chairs, Bibles on our laps, reading the verses one by one around the circle. And the person we were reading about was Abraham.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.