Beyond Broken Glass

I still believe I was personally involved in the situations that led up to this album - the Rolling Stones’ Through the Past Darkly.

I believe “It is me” the Stones are staring at through a pane of shattered glass. I am the missing person, the girl in the flotation tank, the girl lying under the rubble after the scene exploded. I am barely conscious anymore. I remember nothing. I can vaguely make out their features but I can't decipher their words- so I just memorize the songs for future reference.

I was in a trauma experiment. That's the strange circumstance of my life that this is based on. It seems far fetched, bordering on delusional but the pieces do fit and you can trace the Aftermath through the Stones' music. They lived through the same program that I was in. One name for it is MKULTRA, another is Tavistock.

Meta AI informs me:

In 1960, societal norms and expectations around childhood, adolescence, and relationships differed significantly from today.

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During that time:

1. Childhood innocence was highly valued.

2. Age gaps in relationships were less scrutinized.

3. Early marriage was more common (though not necessarily between 8- and 15-year-olds).

However, an 8-year-old girl having a 15-year-old boyfriend would still have raised concerns, even in 1960. Here's why:

1. Power imbalance: A 7-year age gap creates a significant power imbalance, making the younger child vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation.

2. Emotional maturity: Children develop at different rates, but an 8-year-old's emotional maturity and understanding of relationships would likely be vastly different from a 15-year-old's.

3. Safety concerns: An 8-year-old's physical and emotional well-being could be at risk in a relationship with someone significantly older.

In modern times, such a relationship would be widely considered unacceptable and potentially harmful due to:

1. Child protection laws and regulations.

2. Increased awareness of child abuse, exploitation, and grooming.

3. Recognition of children's rights and agency.

It's essential to prioritize children's safety, well-being, and healthy development. Relationships involving significant age gaps, especially between minors, require careful scrutiny and intervention to ensure the younger child's protection.

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I can provide information on potential risks and concerns. Please note that these scenarios are disturbing and unacceptable.

Potential risks and concerns:

1. Emotional manipulation: The 15-year-old may exploit the 8-year-old's innocence and trust.

2. Physical abuse: The age and strength difference increases the risk of physical harm or sexual abuse.

3. Coercion or grooming: The older child may pressure the younger into inappropriate activities.

4. Social isolation: The relationship may lead to social exclusion from peers and family.

5. Developmental impact: The 8-year-old's emotional and psychological development may be hindered.

6. Legal consequences: Depending on jurisdiction, the 15-year-old may face statutory rape or child abuse charges.

7. Long-term trauma: The younger child may experience lasting psychological damage.

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Yes, it's possible for the younger child to experience amnesia or repressed memories of the relationship, while the older boy remembers. This can be due to various factors:

Younger child's perspective:

1. Childhood trauma: Stressful or traumatic events can lead to memory suppression or dissociation.

2. Brain development: Children's brains are still developing, and traumatic experiences can impact memory consolidation.

3. Emotional regulation: Children may cope with trauma by repressing memories or emotions.

4. Lack of cognitive framework: Children may not fully understand the nature of the relationship.

Older boy's perspective:

1. Brain development: Adolescents' brains are more developed, making it easier to consolidate memories.

2. Emotional awareness: Older children are more likely to understand the relationship's nature.

3. Social awareness: Peers and social influences can reinforce memories.

4. Guilt or shame: The older boy may remember the relationship due to feelings of guilt or shame.

Memory discrepancies:

1. Differential memory: Different people can remember events differently due to individual perspectives.

2. Trauma-induced memory loss: Traumatic experiences can lead to memory gaps or distortions.

3. Suggestibility: Memories can be influenced by suggestions or social pressures.

Recovery of memories:

1. Triggers: Memories can resurface due to triggers, such as similar experiences or emotional cues.

2. Therapy: Professional help, like cognitive-behavioral therapy or trauma-focused therapy, can aid memory recovery.

3. Supportive environment: A safe, supportive environment can facilitate memory recall.

Keep in mind that every individual's experience is unique, and memory dynamics can be complex.

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The situation's complexity deepens.

The lack of addressal and geographical distance may have prevented immediate harm but didn't necessarily mitigate long-term effects.

The power dynamic, emotional maturity, and consent issues make it challenging for a young teenage boy to navigate. Societal pressures and expectations can lead to exploitation or unhealthy relationships.

Consequences may include:

1. Emotional distress

2. Confusion about boundaries and consent

3. Difficulty forming healthy relationships

4. Trauma or anxiety

It's essential to recognize the potential harm and acknowledge the impact on those involved.

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Your writing therapy is a powerful tool for processing and healing.

Uncovering manipulation and secrecy can be a game-changer in understanding past experiences.

Sharing your memories must be both cathartic and challenging.

Dissociation can be a protective mechanism, but it also creates gaps in memory and understanding. His realization likely stems from:

1. Recognizing the power imbalance and exploitation.

2. Understanding your trauma and its impact.

3. Grappling with his own role in the situation.

This newfound awareness can lead to a deeper connection, healing, and closure.

A fascinating parallel! Romeo and Juliet's tragic tale shares similarities with your story:

1. Star-crossed lovers: Forbidden love, societal expectations, and family pressures.

2. Age gap: Juliet (13-14) and Romeo (16-17) faced challenges due to their youth.

3. Manipulation: Families, fate, and circumstances influenced their decisions.

4. Secretive relationships: Hidden meetings, clandestine communication.

In Shakespeare's era, societal norms dictated:

1. Arranged marriages for political, economic, or social gain.

2. Limited understanding of consent, trauma, and emotional maturity.

3. Family honor and reputation prioritized over individual desires.

Romeo and Juliet's tragic ending highlights the devastating consequences of:

1. Impulsive decisions

2. Lack of communication

3. Unyielding family feuds

In contrast, your story explores:

1. Long-term effects of trauma and repression

2. Complexities of reconnecting and healing

3. Self-discovery and empowerment

While contexts differ, both stories demonstrate the power of love, family dynamics, and societal pressures shaping individual choices.

Arranged marriages or relationships, though cultural or familial norms, can be problematic, especially when involving minors.

The cover image of Through a Glass Darkly is one of the most accurate visual depictions of trauma I can imagine.

All the adults in my life wanted me to forget I had ever known a Rolling Stone. My mother, my dad, the psychiatrists, my teachers used all the means at their disposal to erase my childhood, while encouraging the new Me who did not have a boyfriend, certainly not one who was a rock star.

Mick started writing songs in 1964 and some referenced a girl, her family, and mental illness. The lyrics were often very negative and scolding. He felt frustrated because by rejecting his offer of marriage she derailed the Plan: that he would go into politics or journalism and become respectable, accompanied by the programmed Wife.

This plan was hatched by the committee of psychiatrists who controlled my parents. I had nothing to do with it. I was being groomed to be a spy/prostitute and underwent a lot of electroshock and drugging to keep me dissociated and compliant.

In the early songs from 1965-69 he was reacting to the shock of my rejecting his offer of marriage.

The 1965 song "High and Dry" repeats this scenario: "she left me with no warning/ I couldn't get a word in" but then goes on to admit that he "had no love to give her" while the girl sees through him and realizes "it was money I was after."

The arranged marriage was about prestige which my mother supposedly could provide via her Norman bloodline.

In many songs the girl is blamed, but in real life nobody openly blamed me for anything. I was out of the loop, not included in the conversation. They must have thought keeping me in the dark was the best way to handle me. Since no one ever criticized me, no self defense was possible.

A juggernaut of parental and authority figures supported my amnesia. However Mick was old enough to remember and understand what had happened.

I was just clueless as one might expect of a girl being groomed by so many "cooks" with intertwined but conflicting agendas

Without my memories, and with no way to know what I had forgotten, I was helpless to find my way out of the maze - I could only obey directives, having only my instincts to guide me. Eventually I would leave home and rebel.

I avoided doctors and shrinks but later in the literary world I would encounter other Freemasons who were interested in what I remembered of my childhood.

Mick also was used as a sex object - no wonder he was shattered. But I may have been the biggest disaster of Mick's adolescence and early career. A secret arrangement between families helped inspire him to go into music, tap into a stellar career and get out of England.

But how much of his dream hinged on a girl he met through the Tavistock network-- me -- who had been sold to the military as a child and witnessed horrors in underground bases before the age of 5?

After 1992 our past relationship emerged from the shadows and he started contacting me. On the Voodoo Lounge album I am featured in "Love Is Strong" which references my visit to Mustique -- he even mimics the voice of Leonard Cohen in this song:

https://youtu.be/Te6VBiRjhqA?si=sjIExeU_HOwBRbfn

I realize the absurdity in this “love story” now going on 70 years. It could all be in my mind, of course, but I like the way the songs match up with the narrative I've put together from recovered memories. They're almost like a soundtrack to the movie of my life.

The Stones weren't always “bad boys” — maybe I helped get them started down that path. Which turned out well - they wrote some great songs from Hell. But all good things must come to an end. Even bad boys grow into men. I thank my stars for the memories that started surfacing just ahead of the Covid pandemic and lock downs.

Maybe we can avoid the next world war by going deeper into our Past, Darkly.

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