i think that having the right clothes allows you to fit in, stand out, and say something about yourself. your clothes introduce you before you can speak for yourself, but you don’t want them to out you as a newbie when you’re trying to fit in.
having a few pieces in your wardrobe can really change the game when you’re adapting to a new environment, but it takes time.
oftentimes we see a mood board or we see a product collage and we think it’s easy to reinvent ourselves. we think it’s easy to put together an outfit, that it’s easy to dress the part, but it’s not.
you can’t simply buy clothes and assume that you’ll know how to wear them. an article of clothing might look beautiful on a model, or intriguing in a photo, but that doesn’t mean that it will translate into your wardrobe.
half of getting dressed is feeling comfortable, and i don’t always mean physically comfortable, there are plenty of items that we adorn ourselves with that are anything but, but there needs to be something about it that makes clothing feel like a second skin instead of a costume.
to be honest i wasn’t sure if it would ever feel natural to dress for a country club. when we joined i had quite literally zero articles of clothing that were appropriate.
i had no idea how i was supposed to behave or what to wear, i’d never stepped foot in a country club outside of a wedding before. and suddenly we were members.
playing it safe, i rotated between two full-coverage swimsuits, bought some amazon cover ups, and opted to order food to the pool deck instead of attempting to navigate the dining room with the success rate of a freshman finding a seat on her first day of school.
the only one piece that matters! low back of this swimsuit drapes like a gown and i feel both elegant and safe to catch my kid jumping into the water for the hundredth time. bag is heinous, but tickles my organizational brain.
i held back and observed.
how did other moms do it? what were they wearing? what are these rubber croc-esque pool bags everyone has? ohh, and you need to bring pool toys for your kid to play with if you don’t want to be stuck constantly entertaining them? got it, got it.
i cowered in the locker room as my son ran around screaming in defiance of a diaper change. and then i noticed that we all deal with tantrums, it’s okay to be a regular mom in the locker room. there’s no outfit that can a meltdown look put together.
while i would have loved to buy an entirely new wardrobe and become a chameleon right away, the sticker shock of country club dues had me a bit paralyzed. plus, getting dressed isn’t that simple, you can’t revamp your style to fit a new aesthetic overnight.
it takes time to learn new guidelines and then begin to play within them as creative guides instead of feeling like you’re about to suffocate your entire personality within the starch collar of a vineyard vines polo.
trying to maintain my personal sense of style when none of my summer clothes covered enough skin for a country club felt like a tall order.
who even am i without my crop tops, jeans, and tiny bikinis?
i began seeking out folks online who looked both relaxed and admiringly put together in their new england prep. subconsciously, i was taking note of the styles i liked and the ones i had no interest in wearing.
suddenly navy stripes were everywhere i looked and i began to get the sense that i could pull off this new desired aesthetic with a mix of high and low items—thank god.
wouldn’t be caught dead in brooklyn, but i still love it? feminine and easy to wear. sweater never leaves my shoulders. love an opp to steal dan’s clothes.
my country club wardrobe did, in fact, start with a navy striped sweater.
i walked into the classically preppy store in town with dan holding my hand and bought my first piece. i practiced throwing it over my shoulders in the evenings to see if i could get used to the look.
did people ever wear these tied sweaters or were they just makeshift summer scarves? the answer is yes.
next, i began developing my collared shirt life and that’s something that has elevated my city wardrobe and become a staple in brooklyn too. these days a white button down is as ubiquitous in my beachside wardrobe as a white tee in my city one. there are endless cuts, fabrics, and price points and i love them all.
each shirt fits a specific mood and environment and at this point i know exactly which to grab when i’m getting dressed. like the perfect white tee, i’m always on the hunt for my next favorite button down.
feels like me. an adorable lobster in heavenly cashmere, complete with a whimsical neckerchief in tomato red? love you white & warren!
eventually i found a love of gingham. gingham tops, gingham dresses, gingham skirts. first in navy, of course, but also chartreuse, red, and green.
green as my XL ll bean tote! my beach bud, my paperback schlepping pony. how i love you so. gone are the days of the store merch totes, i am married to my boat and tote now, thank you very much!
i’m sorry to say that my bags remain un-monogrammed, save for a private little hint on my day off bag. that’s a preppy detail that just isn’t for me. it’s shocking, i know.
fitting in isn’t all gingham and collared shirts! i found myself inexplicably in need of a nice summer sandal to wear to dinner.
something wearable, but polished. well made.
i needed a shoe that could handle me running after my son when he inevitably left the dinner table to run towards the greens and also one that would go with any dress, skirt, or pant.
the perfect pair popped up on my instagram feed and i bought them from the tarmac coming home from barcelona. they’re an investment, but i had no trouble clicking buy knowing that i would be wearing them every time i went to the club this summer.
of course i also stocked up on golf clothes for my future career as not just a sidelines golf mom, but one who plays with my kid and husband. wore my squeaky clean golf shoes for the third time today! it may sound crazy to invest in a sport you’re just learning, but honestly having access to the right clothes and gear makes the whole thing a lot less intimidating.
i might know next to nothing about golf, but i am so excited to get dressed every time i get out there.
MVP mom swim. the bottoms are safe if you miss a wax appt and the top is so secure not even my toddler can take it off. linen button down in white, not blue—stick to the uniform!
whether it’s a new job, mom group, or town that you’re living in, it can feel restrictive to notice the implied dress codes around you. instead of feeling like you need to revamp everything right away, take a step back and see what intrigues you about a style.
you might be fighting it at first, i certainly wasn’t accustomed to wearing makeup or doing my hair in the summer, but then you find your way. you don’t need to change everything about yourself to fit in. instead, you can start to get curious about what might feel fun to experiment with and how to incorporate that into your existing wardrobe.
comfort first, then confidence. you can’t simply buy clothes and expect to wear them well. one piece at a time.
my top three recommended reads of the week featuring mothers getting curious about what it looks like to challenge the status quo.
Riana getting curious about traveling with a baby under one. there are so many incredible mindset shifts and actionable tips in this article to reframe traveling with kids. i vehemently disagree that travel stops when you have children or that you can’t “really” enjoy a vacation with kids. sure, it’s different, but that’s also what’s great about it. if you’re on the fence about traveling with children or planning your next one, look no further!
Courtney McGee getting curious about what we’re teaching our kids every time we choose to give our phones attention first. this post went a bit viral, so maybe you’ve already seen it, but i think it’s such an important topic. we often obsess over our children’s screen times without realizing how much of our own attention is commandeered by these little computers in our hands. the worst thing my kid can say to me is “no phone, mommy!” and i didn’t even realize i was on it.
Kate Parfet and Emma Joss getting curious about hormones and raising good people. Kate - after going on my own hormone rant last week it is really comforting to hear another mom’s story. i hate that we know so little about our hormones and i’ve ordered a few books to try and get educated where i can! Emma - i have had the exact same experience trying to raise my son gender neutral only to realize that i need to “get out of the way and let him figure out who that is.”
TLDR: visibility. for those who want to support what it takes to grow a writer, paid is for you!
discoverability: substack is a business and paid subscriptions are prioritized above unpaid. paid subscriptions are also eligible for the “rising” lists which increase visibility. as i begin to share more works of other writers, i want to make sure that i’m doing what i can to get eyes on all of our writing.
accessibility matters: the pregnancy loss posts will always be free. i am most passionate about ensuring access to these. motherhood can be lonely, but the path to parenthood, even moreso.
this is my work: i am a writer and substack is so much more than a “free little blog” to me. as i continue to build my craft this is the natural next step.
i don’t have a product to sell you. i’m not going to teach you how to optimize substack or perfect your parenting. i’m just sharing stories to help you feel less alone as a parent, a friend of a parent, or someone considering parenthood maybe one day.
while i have begun to work with a few brands to share items that i think you’ll like, your paid subscription is ultimately The Thing supporting my writing process. this fall i have the opportunity to really dig into writing my novel and your financial support shows the kinda buy-in that publishers will one day be looking for.
WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER
transparently, i have no idea what the heck i’m doing. substack subscriptions have never made a ton of sense to me, but i’m trying to get on board here. i want to know what matters to you, where you see value, and what you want more of from mother curious.
for now i’m keeping the paywalls lifted and i promise that i’ll always be overly communicative as i make any changes and get a better understanding of the payment structures that make the most sense for mother curious subscribers.
in the meantime,
for those of you who have been here from the beginning, those who like a random note, and those who have just joined, mother curious doesn’t exist without you! i am so so grateful for every single like, share, comment (public and private), subscription, and referral and i cannot wait to see what this next chapter has in store!
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because parenthood isn’t linear
table of contents
·
Jan 14
this is a living table of contents that is updated as mother curious posts go live. MC was never meant to be digested in a linear fashion, choose what you’re looking for based on the topics below!
CONNECT: thank you so much for being here! i hope you enjoyed reading mother curious today. i’d love to hear from you! say hi to me on instagram, watch me try to figure out tiktok, or leave a comment on substack. the best part about substack is the conversations and connections we build together and i look forward to getting to know you too.
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