A terrible doggy dilemma

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My dog, Rusty Scruff the Teddy Bear King He’s Firm But Fair, is scared of massive dogs. This is fair enough, as I think everyone is scared of massive dogs, apart from owners of massive dogs and they probably should be.

I’m walking him at a park near my parents’ home with my son and nephew. Nobody else is there.

Rusty is off the lead, sniffing around and the boys are playing football, when I become aware that a man has come in with one of the biggest, most terrifying dogs I have ever seen. I refuse to believe that a lead and collar exist that could restrain it. Even metal chains would just pop. I immediately put Rusty on the lead as he’ll feel safer that way. I think. I haven’t asked him. And actually thinking about it now, he probably felt less safe as he can now only run away at my speed.

I feel a lot better when the man and giant dog go into an enclosed area with two tennis courts. To get in, you book online and then get a code for the keypad on the gate.

The lock must be broken, though, as he walks straight in. The beast is now off the lead, but at least he’s enclosed. He’s not playing tennis, sadly. But he’s bounding around aggressively and barking loudly at my dog.

The man says what they always say in this situation: “Don’t worry, he’s just a puppy. He’s excited by the football.” No, he wants to eat Rusty, then my son, then my nephew and then me. Don’t lie. But he’s enclosed within a high wire fence, so we carry on with what we’re doing and then at some point they leave.

My son now wants to go into the tennis courts, as he’s seen that they’re open. And on entering, we discover the biggest dog poo I have ever seen, which the dog has clearly just done. I won’t go into too much detail for fear you may never be able to eat again, but it wasn’t tidy. And it wasn’t firm. It was a splat bigger than my face.

I have some dog poo bags with me, but they were entirely inadequate for the job. I’m not sure even a shovel, a bin bag and a pressure washer would be adequate for the job. There’s no way I’m touching it. I don’t want to be anywhere near it, so I get out and eventually my son does too and goes back to playing football.

Fifteen minutes later, bad dog poo man is back. With a small-ish bright blue plastic bag in his hand. The type you get when you go to the corner shop for a few bits. I don’t see how it’s going to tackle this mess, but I’m relieved that he’s a good citizen and trying.

He goes over to the tennis courts, but there seems to be a problem. He shouts over to us, “Did one of you close this door?”

What quickly emerges is that the lock was never broken. He’d got in as the gate was open and then left it ajar for himself to come back. But then my son had closed it. It is now locked; he can’t get back in, and it is our fault.

I find myself saying I could maybe book a court to get the code. He seems to think this is a great idea, so I go on my phone. But it’s £5 plus a £1 booking fee. £6! I don’t want to pay £6, but should I?

As he shouldn’t have been in there with his dog in the first place. And he shouldn’t have let his dog poo in there. And he should have had a dog poo bag and probably also a shovel and a pressure washer with him. And he should’ve said, “I’m coming back. Don’t close the door.”

That’s a lot of shoulds.

All this is going through my mind. And I’m very tight. Why can’t he pay it?

So I say weakly, “Oh, it’s £6.”

“Mmm,” is his only response.

After a long silence, he says, “I don’t want to get fined £1000.” I can’t see any cameras, so I feel like he’s getting a bit dramatic now.

Sensing my unease and that he’s dealing with an incredibly tight person, he says, “I’ll leave my bag by the gate and it’ll probably rain soon anyway.”

I feel like even the rains before the Great Flood of Noah’s arc are not going to sort this problem. I’m just relieved that he’s not made me pay, though, and this whole ordeal is over.

But I can see now that in order of rightness, here’s what should have happened.

1. He paid the £6 to get in there.

2. I paid the £6 to get in there.

So I was wrong to not do it. But he was even more wrong.

This was two years ago and I still sometimes wish I could go back in time and pay the money to avoid ruining someone’s game of tennis. And also that I’d happened to bring a pressure washer with me, as without it, that game was still ruined.

What would you have done?