Men Want Wives, Not Women

I’m not under a man. Me and a man, we are together. ~The feminist lens 2025

I like 2026. I suspect I’m going to love it, actually, for a number of reasons. I’m currently at that peculiar phase of life where it seems to be raining men, and although I cannot say with any certainty why this is happening, I sincerely hope it continues. I enjoy it.

That said, I am not the sort of woman who is easily flattered by male attention. I have always found it largely worthless as a metric of anything meaningful- but I digress.

I met an interesting man in the last week of December 2025. He asked me out properly on the 3rd of January 2026. Since then, we have been on four dates, and I can say without exaggeration that I had a genuinely good time on each of them. This essay, however, is not about romance. It is about my observations, my findings, if you will, on the implicit institutional logic that continues to govern heterosexual romantic relationships, even when they are dressed up as “modern” or “progressive.”

Our first date was very casual and very fun. We drank cocktails, ate fish and chips, watched football and sang along to music. We also talked a lot about ourselves and our expectations for the new year.

The second date was more intense in the way intimacy often sneaks up on you. We were noticeably more at ease, speaking with the familiarity of people who felt they had known each other longer than they actually had. He told me he missed me, even though it had only been four days since our last meeting. We held hands constantly and engaged in a brief but spirited eye-contact standoff, which I won.

On our 3rd date we played a game of Jenga, drank a lot of cocktails, sat really close to each other and touched a lot. We also talked a lot about what we but wanted out of a relationship. It was at this precise point that I realized we were fundamentally incompatible.

For starters, he was a Bible-thumping Christian who referenced scripture with alarming ease. In isolation, this is not necessarily a problem. But in my experience, the most terrifying category of men is the Bible-thumping Christian man. Christianity, and the Bible in particular has historically not been the most enthusiastic cheerleader of women like me, and men who derive authority from it tend to feel both righteous and entitled.

He also spoke in a way that reminded me of an exotic bird collector. Many men who describe themselves as progressive are not actually comfortable with women who are genuinely nonconforming. They are intrigued by difference, but not prepared for it. They romanticize the idea of a woman who refuses to submit to social scripts, but only insofar as they believe she can eventually be tamed. They want the thrill of capturing a free bird, so they can cage her and call it love.

He emphasized, repeatedly, that he was looking for a wife and not “playing around.” While I cannot really prove this, I strongly suspect this declaration was prompted by my age. There is a widely held belief among men that women over thirty are, by default, anxiously searching for a life partner and are therefore in need of reassurance about “serious intentions.”

At some point, the conversation drifted to cooking. He admitted he was terrible at it and didn’t bother trying. Then he added, casually, “That’s why I have you.” I nearly craze; but I maintained my composure and smiled the whole time.

Having noticed all of these things, I chose the path of least resistance. After our third date, I told him I did not want to get married and therefore would not make a suitable partner for him. It was a strategic exit. A peacekeeping maneuver or what they call, A lie of convenience.

Unfortunately, this sweet and kind man was determined to understand why a woman would make such a “drastic” decision. He offered to take me on another date so we could discuss it. If I’m being honest, I rated the effort. I also genuinely enjoyed his company, so I agreed.

That fourth date lasted five hours. I will spare you the details and offer instead a summary:

1. After reading my messages about not wanting to marry, he immediately assumed I must be a lesbian, because apparently the only conceivable reason a woman would reject marriage is a lack of attraction to men.

2. He infantilized me, framing my decision as naïve and immature; something a “real man” could surely talk me out of.

3. He attempted to change my mind by quoting the Bible at me.

4. As a final act of surrender, he declared my position bizarre, unheard of, and deeply unusual.

And finally, he concluded that I am a difficult woman. To which I say, finally! Progress.

Men often make the mistake of assuming that women’s lives revolve around marriage because it has been socially valorized for so long. But on further reflection, marriage was never a universal aspiration. The fact that I grew up surrounded by women who desired it more than anything does not mean women who rejected it did not exist. I just didn’t see or know them.

Women resisting marriage is not a modern phenomenon; it is merely one that is now harder to ignore.

What I have learned; relearned, actually, is that nearly all men conceptualize marriage in strikingly similar ways. This realization is not new to me. It is, in fact, very similar to the conversation I documented weeks ago in “A Man and a Feminist Go Out to Dinner.” Different man, different table, same script.

No matter how progressive men appear or claim to be, there are deeply entrenched assumptions they hold about women that remain largely intact. These assumptions are not merely personal opinions. They are inherited and reinforced through culture, religion, and socialization. They persist even when men believe they have intellectually outgrown them. Marriage, to most men, is not a neutral institution. It is imagined as a stabilizing force for women. A moral anchor that is framed as inevitability rather than choice. A woman who does not want marriage must be confused. Or traumatized. Or secretly lonely. Or ideologically extreme. Or homosexual. Anything, really, except deliberate.

Christian men, in particular, often believe submission is a God given right and so they wield it like a weapon. This worldview is often accompanied by casual homophobia and an unwavering reliance on scripture as the ultimate authority.

What is most deceptive, however, is the performance of liberalism. These men will swear they do not believe in rigid gender roles. They will laugh at the idea of women belonging in the kitchen. They speak the language of progressivism fluently. Choice, partnership, equality. But this ideological flexibility is conditional. It holds only until it is tested. Men insist they do not care about traditional gender roles such as cooking, cleaning, or emotional labor because “what’s the big deal?” This posture, however, is rarely durable. One day, almost inevitably, they wake up and remember that they are a man and you are a woman, and suddenly gender roles are no longer a social construct but a divine order.

Never make the mistake of believing men when they tell you they are different. Oftentimes, all it takes is sustained resistance, pushing just hard enough and the truth comes out. I may have lost another one but I can say with 100% certainty that I am very satisfied with the outcome.

So yeah, another one bites the dust. I will miss him because he was intelligent and was, in many ways, sincere. But sincerity does not neutralize structure, and affection does not undo ideology. And so, I remain, happily, a difficult woman.

Onward!