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I used to think 40 was ancient. A stone-roll into a slow fade of sensible shoes and quiet nights in (for eternity.) But the truth is, 40 feels less like ageing and more like a kind of recalibration. The noise that once felt urgent - who likes you, what they think, whether you’re “on track” - is still there - particularly in my youth obsessed industry - but I’m trying to actively let it dull to background hum. There is a clarity that comes at 40; the dial turns inward and suddenly you can hear yourself again - at least that‘s how I’m starting to feel. But it’s not easy.
This is a really tricky time - particularly if you’re not in the position you imagined yourself in. I’m not where I hoped I’d be and whilst that’s endlessly tough especially in a world that feels geared up for couples and is so dismissive of women without children (whether by choice or not) and at times the weight of societal and internal expectations has been devastating. I definitely don’t want my 40s to be more of that chaos and anguish I felt in my 30s. Though some of this I have little control over. what I do have control over is how I frame being 40 and for me, so far, it’s been about re-assessing everything in my life for this new decade. From what I want to do, what I care about, where I want to live and who I want to be around.
I can save my yeses for the things that make me feel expansive. My twenties were beautiful sleep-deprived chaos that I wouldn’t trade for hours of working out/girlbossing the way younger generations might be. My thirties were correction; unlearning years of programming. Now, forty feels like the after-party - the one where the playlist’s perfect and you can actually hear yourself think. And maybe this decade isn’t about being small - and hating myself for the things I haven’t achieved yet - which, undeniably does creep in a fair bit, it’s about blowing up the rulebook entirely, on everything from how I should look, to how I should live.
Women are trained to fear this visibility, to sandpaper our edges and call it maintenance. But 40 is where maintenance turns into authorship. You start writing your own narrative again. So I’m reframing this decade as rebalancing - recalibrating who you are after years of being what the world asked you to be. If your twenties are the audition and your thirties the hustle, then maybe your forties are gearing up for the headline act. And it’s our time to step into the spotlight.
Let me know if your experiences on this. Maybe you’re in your 50s and have stories to share or you’re in 30’s are are scared of 40? Let me know below…
Much love…
PS: Use the images I’ve as you like; print and stick them to your mirror, save as your phone screensaver, send to a friend. They’re on instagram too.
PPS: AND If you liked this post, check out more in the “Read this…” series, a beauty culture pep talk every month…
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