Occupying Space

I feel like I’ve been looking at everything wrong my whole life. I’ve always seen my body as a limitation or as something to be ashamed of, feeling like I had to make sure it wasn't "too much" so I wouldn't attract the wrong type of attention. It’s almost been an internal form of self-shaming just for having the body that I do.

Reading Emily Ratajkowski’s book, My Body, has been incredible. It’s beautifully written and deeply relatable, especially for heterosexual, cisgender, feminine-presenting women who fit into conventional gender norms, like dating athletes or being placed on a pedestal for our looks.

Growing up, I always felt like I wanted to be known for my mind instead. I worked so hard to build a career, set ambitious goals, and maintain an upward trajectory. I’m really proud of everything I’ve accomplished. In fact, I’ve achieved everything I set out to do when I was in high school: I’ve shown work in an art gallery, written a fashion article, built a career in the art world surrounded by creatives, and covered most of my body in tattoos, which is something I dreamed of doing when I was younger. Day-to-day, I’m genuinely happy living a creative life.

At the same time, I realize my perspective has been deeply rooted in internalized misogyny. Raised traditionally in an Islamic household, I carried a lot of shame about my body, my sexuality, and making independent choices as a modern woman, even though I’m really just living my life. Reading My Body shifted how I view myself and the world.

Moving forward, I want to feel confident in my body, wear what I want, and stop hiding. My goal for the next two years is to pour energy into taking care of my body, becoming the most vibrant version of myself, and letting go of internal shame. As part of that and as my design practice has evolved, I’ve always wanted to launch a clothing brand. While I used to think I might be too old to model, I’d love to model some pieces myself as a way to deepen my self-love and feel fully comfortable in my own skin.