unbelieving beliefs

The hardest part about accomplishing a goal isn’t in the act of doing but in believing the right things. Planning frequently revolves around actions yet so little gets allocated towards figuring out what to believe in. We each have ideas of who we are and who we believe we are not. What if we let go of these beliefs? What would happen if we believed in something different? What if we believed in the something that would let us do a little more of what we want?

I find it easy to stick to the first belief from a new experience. I watched a profound movie that introduced me to embedded beliefs. It’s questioned what I should trust in my head. I’m someone who’s guided on beliefs over facts. It’s a practical mentality in a world where there’s more unknowns than knowns and more things to believe than facts to see. As I try to tackle new challenges this year, I think about the mental bottlenecks that hold me back.

I think about this as a search problem. What kind of real world evidence will make you believe that your limiting belief is false and how do you find that evidence? How do you find the proof in the physical reality that disproves the reality in your mind?

An exercise I’ve been practicing this year has been to abandon beliefs about myself, good or bad. Interestingly, this newsletter was an unintentional byproduct of this exercise. This newsletter was born at a time when I firmly believed I was a bad writer (I would have gone to war for this belief). Since then, I’ve been grateful for another source of fulfillment and growth. I want to be more intentional about making these things happen.

A more recent example: In recent years, I started believing that I’m injury prone. That belief felt grounded on me having experienced many injuries in the last three years. It was one of the main reasons why I didn’t want to sign up for a marathon since it increases one’s risk of injury significantly. I didn’t even give myself a chance to believe that trying was a possibility.

In general, I’ve learned that you need to slow things down to see why you turn away from something and evaluating whether you’re being irrational or not. It’s hard to unlearn a muscle that’s had a lifetime to get reps in, especially when it’s only seen failures during its early days. When that situation comes, lean into it instead, even if it’s uncomfortable. Collect so much good evidence that when faced with a similar situation in the future, know that the last five times were great. There’s no reason why this time will be different. And then even if something does go wrong, know that it was good five of the last six times.

My original goal this year was achieving consistency. When combined with an open mind, what will happen? If I can be just 80% consistent this year i.e. 4/5 times I try something nerve wracking, it pans out well, then I’m curious how it’ll affect my longer term psyche. Ultimately, I’d like to achieve even higher levels of agency. I’d like to imagine fewer things and experience more things.

So what did I experience in March?

Many unfamiliar experiences. I went to social gatherings filled with people I didn’t know. I had good interactions, great interactions, and bad interactions. I went to cocktail bars, home of a substance I thought I forever gave up on. And I decided to give it another shot (or rather, take another shot) at one of the most memorable weekends of the year for a friend’s bachelor party.

On the last weekend of March, I experienced a moment I’ve anticipated for almost 20 years. I flew to LA to watch the movie sequel to an anime I grew up watching. It’s a mecha anime called Gundam Seed and it was the anime that partially got me into software engineering because of this one scene. It was meant to release in the late 2000s but the creator’s partner got sick and then the movie ended up being delayed by 15 years.

I bonded with several other fans in line who also flew from across the country and didn’t know anyone else who loved the anime. There was an immediate sense of camaraderie, acknowledging our shared love for a niche anime. The voice actors for the main characters were also at the premiere, sharing their excitement for the movie’s release. At one point, they spoke in their character’s voice and I instantly felt transported into the fictional world that the voice belonged to. Once the movie started, it was a roller coaster of emotions, laughter, amazement and most of all, nostalgia. It was my version of the Star Wars return (6 = 1983 to 7 = 2015).

Work’s found a rhythm in March. It’s been more forgiveness and less permission oriented. I’ve been digging deeper into the intimidating tech stack while being patient with myself, knowing that the holistic understanding will come with time. It’s been a really unique experience approaching the role through the lens of a PM, product designer and software engineer. There’s more I want to share about this perspective but I want to save this for a future issue.

March has been great. Days have become more similar than ever, but the few moments with significance made the month feel fulfilling. I’d be surprised if I can continue this but I’ll try my best to believe that I can (ha!) and that I can run a marathon this year (that I did sign up for)!