becoming 30 years young

30 is the first birthday that I feel mixed about. Birthdays leading up to it remind you that you’re in your mid-to-late-20s prime. Months leading up to it remind you about what you thought life would be like when you turn 30. And then when it happens… well, it happens and the day carries on quite differently than what you had planned in high school.

I don’t have life-changing thoughts from this vantage point and I’m also far from being wiser than many that aren’t yet 30. What I’d love to share (if you’ll humor me) is what I’d tell my younger self. So dear Andy…

What’s up! How you doing! How’s Waterloo! You remind me of a bull set free as a fresh college student, chasing any red cloth you see. I see you, carrying that naive confidence after becoming a young adult. To start off, drop the transition glasses, they look hilariously bad on you.

You’re quite lively, daydreaming about lofty goals. Speculating about accomplishments isn’t going to get you anywhere. You have a tiny head start on some things due to some talent, but that doesn’t give you permission to be all talk. What happened to the rabbit that raced the turtle, huh?

Don’t worry, you’ll get better. You’ll eventually admire people like Steph Curry and Kobe Bryant not for their accomplishments, but for how they show up. And you’ll hopefully pick up on it. Steph and Kobe are great people to look up to. Let their disciplined philosophies guide you, not the external influences. The more you can control what fuels you, the better.

That’s because emotions will try to control you. It’s cool, that’s how humans work. It’s good to feel and recognize it. Do me a favor and don’t make decisions when negative emotions are involved. Hurt people hurt people. Instead, wield the emotions—they’re a super power when used right.

You didn’t play many sports before but that can and should change. You’ll love them. In fact, you’ll get addicted to them. And you’ll also be terrible at so many of them and that’s normal. Find a sports moment that’ll spark a fire. I’d share Haikyuu as an anime recommendation but sadly, it’s not streaming in your time. For now, say yes to sports and prioritize fun over winning. It’s only a matter of time before you find a Tsukishima moment. The winning will follow the fun if you find joy in the gameplay.

Speaking of winning, your relationship with competitive feelings has a bright future. Competitiveness can feel brash, intense, defeating yet exhilarating. It’s one of your most powerful emotion so use it wisely. It’s the impetus to many favorite memories. But make sure to learn to respect other people’s boundaries around competition. Learn to wield the feeling and redirect it into something great, whether that’s fun, motivation, or the activation energy to do good.

Gut feel is important. If something feels off, listen to your gut. When in doubt, do what you believe is the right thing, even if nothing’s been done yet. We’re all born with a primitive preset of social instincts, ignoring them would be an unfortunate regression in our abilities. You’ll wish you started the hard conversation many times because of your gut and you’ll eventually learn that hard conversations are good. You’ll think of the phrase “I should’ve listened to my gut earlier” way too many times and you’ll probably still fall for that mistake each time.

And that’s cool because mistakes happen and you should forgive yourself as much as you forgive others. Hold yourself to a high standard but why forgive yourself differently than you would a friend? Again, after some feels, redirect them into good. Build up a selective portfolio of emotions redirected to aligned with your goals. Failure, rejection, disappointment, etc. Those might be useful on the last few miles of a marathon if you decide to run one (hint: you will and you’ll do great).

You’re on track for a few things like your strong opinions. Being strongly opinionated might rub some people the wrong way and that’s okay. If you go the other way, you’ll end up a slave to other people’s preferences. But what if someone who knows more than you clashes with your opinion? Don’t be shy about it, but stay aware of what you don’t know as the wise Dunning and Kruger buddies have thoughtfully illustrated. And when in doubt, research. The last thing you want is to get caught with your pants down.

Keep watching anime, it’s the best. It’s inspiring, it’s imaginative, and you’ll find some of your favorite music from it. You’ll still be watching some of those animes 10 years from now because unfortunately and fortunately, animes take forever to end. Some of your favorite inside jokes will come from anime and you’ll bond over it with great people.

Hold onto the friends you love. Like, not physically (you take things a little too literally sometimes). They’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for them. You might only see them once a year or two but those days feel like not a day has passed since you last saw them. And if you can, live next to them. It’s the best form of wealth!

Last thing: you’ll be far from having things figured out in 10 years. Maybe it’s a symptom of this day and age or maybe because beyond college, problems find you faster than solutions. This is good—a sense of wonder is great. Finding new problems is a timeless skill. People approach different problems differently so naturally, friends will be in different life stages. Comparison has and will always be the thief of joy so be a cheerleader, not a competitor when it comes to life. You’ll start writing about your goals and problems on a newsletter and only cross off a fraction of them, realizing that the answer isn’t completion but prioritization. Appreciating progress is good, but appreciating process is more meaningful.

30 might seem like a big deal, but it’s really not. It’s comparable to the 2012 apocalypse—life kinda just goes on. I didn’t fulfill many of the goals you had in mind like getting married or become a billionaire but I’d passionately argue that life is better than what you had in mind. I’ll leave it as a surprise to you since you love surprises. Sorry I didn’t write to you when I turned 20, I was still insecure about my writing. Now that I write freely, I plan to nag you again. Catch you in 10.