Desert Island

Robert and Emily are stranded on a small desert island. They've tried shagging to pass the time, but without condoms and no hope of immediate rescue they worry about bringing up a baby on this sandy, rocky place. They've been there about three weeks and no ship has ever hoved into view, not a single one. They are lucky though, because there are fruit trees, mushrooms and about a million rabbits. Emily does the skinning and Robert does the cooking. They have run out of matches but have worked out the millennia-old method of rubbing sticks and flinting stones. Robert is even putting on weight. Emily is as svelte, but healthy, as ever. They look over to the horizon on the white sandy beach and wonder what life is all about and whatever did they do to get them into this place? It was a pretty standard shipwreck, thankfully they were the only two on board. Their boat had sunk very deep, and they had held onto a long piece of plastic piping while the tide gently dropped them off at Fucksake Island, as they called it. Diving to the boat was too risky, it was miles away, and probably miles down. Today, Emily announced her period, so that was one thing less to worry about. One thing more to worry about was the strange sound the sea and the sky seemed to be making, and getting louder. Incoming storm then, so batten down the hatches. It was warm on Fucksake, and hadn't rained since they landed, so they hadn't need of a shelter. The rabbits showed a bit of initial interest in the couple, but then got used to them, and then made themselves scarce once the cooking had begun. No hatches to batten, but they needed not to be swept off the island into the sea if that was a storm coming. They decided to lash themselves to a tree, with some handy vines and waited. And waited, the sounds got louder and louder, but the clouds and the actual sea remained calm. They were getting hungry so they decided that there was no imminent storm, unlashed themselves and settled down to rabbit mushroom soup, again. The sound was still there, and now fairly constant in volume. They looked all round the island and out to the full circle of horizon and up into the sky. Nothing could be making that noise, nothing. And then it stopped, suddenly, like when the noisy fridge does. Indeed that's exactly what they thought when it went off, some appliance turning itself off. Very odd, because normally nature doesn't do sudden on-ings and off-ings. The on-ing was fine, the off-ing not. Were they in danger? Could it have been a large aeroplane crashed into the sea? Most likely, they thought, and just in case, started to prepare themselves for an onslaught of plane crash survivors. Which never came, for days and days. No wreckage either. Then the sound started again, and this time it was a sudden on, and louder. What ho! Robert jumped several inches into the air. What ho! Hello there! A man. Robert and Emily looked at each other, then at the man. The man was dressed in a suit, clean shaven and totally dry. Striding toward them with his arm outstretched and a big smile. I'm Watson, Robert and Emily I presume? Yes, they were. Good. Good. The man shook both their hands and sat down on the beach. Emily and Robert felt they should do likewise and joined him. I'm here to rescue you. Now, I fully understand if you don't want to be rescued and all that, but I'm here to persuade you that it really is the best option. This island isn't that safe, well, not for humans anyway. Rabbits love it, of course. Robert asked the man, how the dickens he got here, and how the dickens, as well, is he going to get all three of us off the island? There were no boats to be seen. Good question, Robert, so you agree with me that rescuing is the thing? You want to be rescued? Robert and Emily looked at each other and, with a brief nod, agreed that, while it was quite fun to be on this island, rabbit and mushroom were getting a bit dull. Splendid! The man got up and said, follow me! They did, and they were just walking down the beach to the sea, no boats still. And as they walked and walked, the sea seemed to recede beyond them. Then the sea turned a reddish-brown, then it had distinct patterns to it then it just turned into a living room carpet. And there was a TV and sofas and everything. The man, Watson, sat on one and indicated that Robert and Emily do the same. They did. What, what's this all about - that Fucksake Island was totally real, we did have a shipwreck, we lost our boat completely, what just happened? Ah, now, let me explain, said Watson.