"Unnecessarily Aggressive" Leaders

I was away from home for a few days while Amy spent time with our daughter who is a new mother. I picked up Amy and we drove home together. We used the drive to share stories that we saved because we wanted to see each other’s reaction. Amy went first.

Amy and I have different last names and not everyone knows we’re married. Amy has been on a non-profit daycare center’s board for decades. The director of the center reached out to Amy to tell her that an early childhood ed advocate had been criticized for aggressively advocating for daycares. The advocate, who is a woman, told the daycare center director that she is angry about the criticism she received. Her quote was that “no one calls Andru Volinsky unnecessarily aggressive when he advocates for public education.” The advocate didn’t know the comparison would get back to me.

Amy waited for my reaction.

My first reaction was to laugh at the absurdity of this story getting back to me. We also talked about the double standard applied to women who advocate, not just for good public policies, but for most anything. One of my few current clients is a woman executive who was characterized as being overly aggressive when she learned her subordinates were withholding key financial information from her that was critical to her doing her job.

There is no shame in being a strong advocate. Women have it rougher than men when they advocate. If you’re interested, here’s a short piece on the problem faced by women in leadership that I referenced in a recent pleading. It’s by the Society for Human Resource Management, not a hotbed of radical thought.

“Are Women Leaders Unfairly Held to Higher Standards?”

Women who exhibit assertiveness and authority may be perceived as forceful or aggressive. It is also worth noting that men in leadership positions may be celebrated for exhibiting the same qualities. On the other hand, when women leaders adopt a more empathetic and collaborative leadership style, they may be viewed as lacking authority.

As I was going to sleep that night, Amy’s story also made me think of an adventure I had ten years ago.

About half a dozen of us were hiking in NH’s White Mountains in the dead of winter. We stayed one night in a mountain hut and then hiked across a really beautiful, isolated area of the national forest called the Bonds and encountered some weather. When I write “some weather,” I mean that when the wind gusted it could knock me over. At this point, I was hiking with my friend Rick. Rick is a very large man who likes gear. The combination of his size and his love for equipment makes him a perfect wind break. He’s also a very kind and thoughtful soul, but in this story his girth stands out.

When Rick blocked me from the wind, I could walk unchallenged by the wind. When I walked alone, I needed to be aggressive to make any progressive. Someone watching me leaning dramatically forward in my goggles and hooded winter coat and jamming my poles into the snow would have thought me “unnecessarily aggressive.” That’s the way it is when you lead. Sometimes, when you’re charting a new course by yourself you appear to be unnecessarily aggressive when you’re just trying to make progress from Point A to Point B.

This is from Section Hiker. That’s not me, but this is the route we took.

My story for Amy had fewer layers. It was worth a smile or maybe a smirk and that was about it.

A Democratic state rep from the Conway area posted a colorful graphic on Facebook that exclaimed, “Democrats Do Not Support A State Income Tax.” Her post was met with about 250 comments. More than 200 or so said, “yea, we kinda do support an income tax that has our state’s wealthiest residents pay their fair share.”

No doubt the posting was sparked by the lame Republican campaign to avoid blame for NH’s property taxes being sky high even though Republican’s have basically controlled all branches of state government for the last decade and used their power to cut taxes on NH’s wealthiest residents and most profitable businesses.

I used the Facebook post to remind people of our tax calculator that allows NH residents to input a bit of information to learn how the proposed 3-3 Tax Savings Plan would affect them. The plan combines a 3 percent income tax with deductions as large as we could legally go with a $3 true statewide property tax that includes a $250,000 homestead exemption for taxpayers whose primary residence is in NH, whether that residence is owned or rented. A typical family of four wouldn’t pay the income tax and would see their local school taxes plummet by two thirds.

You can find the calculator at NHTaxSavingsCalculator.com.

Note, there isn’t a recorded version of this post.

Best,

Andru