Highway Heartbreak: Rejected Road Of National Significance 'Ghosted' By Bishop

A section of state highway says it is feeling “badly let down” after being “ghosted” by transport minister Chris Bishop.

The length of tar-sealed highway, which The Satiriser has agreed not to name, was one of the Roads Of National Significance announced with much fanfare by Mr Bishop’s government.

But it has now been left off the list of roading projects going ahead, something it describes as leaving it “more crushed than my gravel sub-base”.

“In the early days I was, like, love-bombed by Chris. There I was – one of his RONS. I felt special. All he could talk about was how beautiful I was. And how important. ‘A vital connection’, those were his words. Now I see that’s all they were: words.”

“Learning I’ve been sidelined, that I’m in fact the very opposite of a “significant” road. To say I’m flat and strung out doesn’t begin to describe it.”

“And to find out through the media! It’s not like he came and talked to me about. One day I was on the list, the next I wasn’t. I thought I was the freeway of love. Turns out I’m nothing but a dead end street.”

In Mr Bishop’s public announcement he acknowledged that public expectations needed to be “recalibrated”, to which the unnamed road responded “I’ll give him something to recalibrate”.

As at press time the anonymous section of state highway was looking to set up a WhatsApp group with other rejected and now former Roads Of National Significance, plus the cancelled Cook Strait ferries.