Why I think Sigmund Freud must've played tennis

I tried. I really did. I searched the world, the universe and the internet to try and find a record of Sigmund Freud having played our beloved sport of tennis. While I did find proof that tennis was very fashionable among the Viennese bourgeoisie during Freud’s time, I could not find a single photograph or painting of Sigmund himself swinging a racquet, a glass of local Italian wine in his non-playing hand.

A book titled Sex as a Sublimation for Tennis was published in 1985 and written by Theodore Saretsky who suggested that it was actually tennis that was life’s driving force and not sex as Freud widely thought. While I sympathise with Saretsky’s satiric viewpoint, I don’t actually think that we can or should replace life’s breadth of indulgences with only tennis. I do, however, believe that some of Sigmund Freud’s theories and concepts must’ve come from having at least dabbled with racquet and ball (I’m using all my might here, and failing, to not point to the obvious symbolic image of racquet and balls).

There are three Freudian concepts in particular that seem, if not created from tennis, at least worryingly fitting.

The Uncanny

The unsettling feeling when something feels strangely familiar but at the same time extremely foreign was termed Unheimlich by Sigmund Freud. I couldn’t help but immediately think of a tennis match. When we step on a court to play a match, we are thrown into a situation where we simultaneously know exactly what’s about to happen and not at all. We intimately know the lines that form the square in which the game will be played, we know how to count the score, we know the rules (and we will dispute them with anybody who dares) and more often than not we know the opponent on the other side of the net. At the same time, anything can happen. We may win, we may lose, we could play beautifully, we could fail miserably. So much known, but the important part unknown. Some call it stage fright others nerves but being so deeply familiar with the parameters of a sport without ever grasping the entire essence of it, without ever being able to fully control it, creates the feeling of being out at sea, far away from shore, the ocean is rough and the only thing you can see is your life jacket floating away. Or as Freud called it: The Uncanny.

The Return of the Repressed

Freud believed that everything we repress, all unpleasant feelings, everything we always wanted to say to our ex but didn’t, all desires and wishes we tame to adhere to societal rules, will come back to haunt us. They might come back in distorted ways and may not be recognisable at once but the unconscious doesn’t rest until it pierces through all of our protective layers to get to the conscious and make itself known. If you thought you could explain that inexplicable forehand miss away with a gust of wind or the blind chair umpire or your dad sneezing, well, think again. Your unconscious knows that you just got nervous. There was neither wind nor sneeze, only a little stain on the backside of your shorts. Not only does it know, it will also knock and tease and ask: Will you serve the match out this time? Or will you choke again? Will you get the short forehand over the net? Or will you dump it in your own shoe? You can lie to your mom, but you can’t lie to that firm little core of self that contains all doubts and dark thoughts you ever had and thought you got rid of. Guess what, they are back and ready to dance. Are you willing to face them?

The Death Wish

This is my favourite Freud concept of all and the one that got him the most push-back from his colleagues. People did not like it. Freud found two competing forces within human beings. Eros which is the desire towards life and is the urge to create, to bond, to build. And then there’s Thanatos which is the exact opposite. It’s the unconscious drive to destruct. I quite like how Freud explains his reasoning for The Death Wish. Freud believed that we come from stillness and every living thing has the secret desire go back to stillness, to become inorganic matter once more. Life, in this case, is nothing but a detour.

Everybody who’s ever played a tennis match knows the eerie feeling of stepping up to the line to serve and a question pops up in your mind - very loud and very clear:

DOUBLE…FAULT?

I’ve had plenty of matches where I self-sabotaged, stood in my own way and generally behaved as if I was on the other woman’s team. What is that all about? Along the lines of Freud’s Death Wish, I have a theory that playing a tournament can become so stressful that the only way out of that hellhole of pressure and hope, of doubt and fear, is: Losing. The unconscious is battling the conscious to put it back at ease. It’s not tanking, it’s not losing on purpose. It’s something else taking over and removing you from a situation the mind doesn’t want to be in.

Maybe Freud’s theory would have been accepted by more of his colleagues if he had named it The Peace Wish. The mind wants to be at peace and if that means throwing in a few double faults then that’s what it means. Sometimes, I can feel The Death Wish tugging at me even when I’m on TV. What would happen if I said the most insane thing I can think of in this moment? It’s me and simultaneously not me thinking it. It’s something sinister coming up from unknown depths. Most of the time, I prefer the unknown depths to remain unknown.

If you identify with some of these feelings and have lost matches in the past because of them, do not fret. I can assure you: So has your opponent. Look over and wink at their unconscious and see whether you have an unexpected ally on the other side of the net that you can use to your advantage.

Disclaimer: This newsletter is for entertainment purposes only. I am aware that this is not the entire catalogue of Freud’s work. Yes, I’ve mended some theories to fit a tennis newsletter. And I do know, that some of Freud’s work was later disputed for lack of scientific evidence. Read this more as you would look at abstract art. It’s supposed to evoke sentiments not to make sense.

I can’t believe I have to write this addendum but there is always some Chad out there who just can’t wait to tell me HOW FREUD REALLY MEANT IT. Congratulations, Chad, here’s your well-deserved cookie.

Things that make me happy

This sour cream donut from Peter Pan’s Donut & Pastry Shop in Greenpoint has been making me happy for years but last week during three hail-snow days in New York it lifted heavy loads of murky moods. The combination of glazed sugar and fried dough is doing the Lord’s work out there and I want to thank you for your service, donut.

P.S. Bring cash.

Things that make me unhappy

A well known TV presenter in Germany, Collien Fernandes, has recently come out and reported how somebody had created fake social media profiles in her name and had sent flirty messages to many of her work colleagues. That person increasingly escalated the messaging by faking nudes and pornographic videos (so-called “deep fakes”) of Collien and distributed them all over the internet and to Collien’s close work circle. After a thorough investigation by the SPIEGEL magazine, it was published yesterday that the person who has done all of this to Collien was HER HUSBAND. He is a famous German TV personality and actor and he was widely regarded to a be the “nice guy”. This scandal has caused an outcry in Germany and I just wanted to take a moment to salute Collien for her courage to speak out. She is casting a light upon a thing many women have to go through on- and offline. I’m thinking of her and I hope she will get through this difficult time. Shame must change sides.

I have found my way to Miami after a casual 16 hour trip from New York a couple of days ago and am excited to watch some live tennis. Cancel your Friday night plans and pour a glass of tart white wine: Carlos Alcaraz and Joao Fonseca will face each other for the first time in an official ATP match on Stadium court later tonight. May it be a fun one! Read you all next week.

Yours truly, Andrea