This is home to a collection of personal essays about what I’ve learned (and still learning) in life and other lived experiences, reflections and observations.
My essays are open to all and free to read. If you wish to support me, you are welcome to opt for paid subscription either by monthly or annually.
Open notes are short essays of what going on with my life. Long conversations are ponderings focused on specific series or themes.
The first series of long conversations is called Fifty Notes. Fifty essays from a lived life. My life. This will be my ongoing writing project starting 2026.
I consider these essays “long conversations” because they are akin to conversations shared with someone over coffee or tea, or in the evening when the world quiets and the vibe feels reflective.
Honestly, I don’t lead a high-flying life, but it’s been exciting enough. Taught me plenty, and maybe those are conversations worth sharing.
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I wrote about anticipating this age milestone back in September. Lo and behold, the day finally arrived today: I am officially fifty.
Which also meant I’ve been on this earth for fifty years. Fifty years!
Fifty years I’ve lived… well, OK, I admit there were some years where it was more of a proof-of-life-rather-than-proof-of-living kind of situation, if you know what I mean. But those fifty years from childhood to adulthood were sure a wild ride. Messy, yet beautiful. Scary, yet full of good surprises.
During my buffer period, I reflected a lot and came to realised that I need to be more intentional with my plans and goals. I made many attempts for years, but kept failing. Mainly due to panic and anxieties linked to scarcity that I abandoned myself in favour to play it safe.
It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t right either.
Because I ended up putting others first and pushed my own plans and goals in the back burner, somehow assuming with hope that I will get to them the next year.
Many “next years” later… nothing was done. The ball rolled, but was somehow kicked to the curb at one point each time.
Every year, there’s always something in the way – a temptation to distract me or put me in a position, where concerns over my livelihood ruled all my decisions.
That said, I also didn’t want to beat myself over the past. Decisions were made based on my capacity and mindset then. I did my best for the Me and my situation at that time.
It may not have been the best way, but that still got me to where I am today. This has provided me an opportunity to do things differently now, as situation and circumstances has changed.
Today, I want to step forward more intentionally in ways where I can express myself creatively through my essays and visuals like drawings, comics, and photography. I’ve always wanted to live a life where I can spend my days either writing or making art. That’s the dream.
I’m already fifty now, and I should just go for it and create the life I want. My current situation may not be so ideal, but when will it ever be if I don’t do something now, right?
Every little bit counts. So I’m making it count from now onwards.
Share Andrealism: Open Notes & Long Conversations
Hello. I’m Andrea. Andrealism holds essays on lived experiences, and making things. It also features my art and photography.
Thank you for reading and for your company.
~ Andrea
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