self-care for the travelling parent

Two years ago, when the Christmas break rolled around, all I really needed was rest after a year that had gone from one demanding full-time job straight into another. Instead, we had planned a winter trip through Northern Europe, starting in Zurich and hopping from city to city until Colmar in France.

It was in Basel that I realised something: I had even less time for myself than I did at home. In an exhausted and overwhelmed state in a different country, how are you supposed to entertain, feed, educate, and keep everybody’s sanity intact?

I’m not sure you can.

When I reach that point, I start growing quieter and stare a little too long at the same spot on the playground. My mind drifts to sleep, to writing, to all the things waiting patiently in the wings. And the guilt creeps in, too, that familiar parental guilt for wanting a moment away.

It’s rough.

Over time, though, I’ve learned to recognise the signs. What I really need in those moments is a reset, something small to do on my own. On every trip now, I try to secure at least two hours of what I’ve started calling PTO: Parenting Time Off.

For me, it usually looks like a café: a warm cup of coffee, a slice of cake, and my notebook. I sit alone, people-watching, letting my thoughts settle.

My second act of self-care is to express myself creatively at least once on every trip. I go alone on a photowalk for a whole morning or an afternoon, just me and my camera. I listen to the city's sounds and observe the little things. Photograph the drops of dew on a flower (why is this so entertaining?). Photograph simply for the sake of it, with no goal in mind. I come back refreshed, having used a different part of my brain for a while. Motherhood has taught me how little we actually need for a reset. Sometimes it’s just a couple of hours to reconnect with the part of yourself that exists outside of parenting.

Four years into parenthood, we’ve started to notice the value of doing things that keep us ourselves. Of course, it often feels like a gamble between essential things: sleep or write? Go out and shoot, or finally wash your hair? There are no real rules. Two hours, five hours, a whole morning. It’s a break within a break. The travel inception that doesn’t get talked about enough.

This idea of Parenting Time Off led me to another thought: what about travelling without your family? We’re perfectly comfortable travelling for work and sleeping in random hotels we didn’t choose. As parents, those trips can feel like PTOs in disguise—a full night alone in a hotel room. What a dream!

But travelling alone for pleasure can raise a few eyebrows. It’s often seen as selfish, as if you’re abandoning your family. Before becoming parents, we knew we still wanted to be okay with solo trips. We connected over a shared love of travel, so why would we take that away from each other?

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Last year, we experimented with solo trips for the first time. Kevin took a few international trips, while I only managed a short trip to Berlin for a friend’s wedding. There was some trial and error.

The biggest lesson was preparation. Single parenting, when you’re not used to it, is surprisingly hard. Scheduling help in advance makes a big difference: friends, family, small plans that break up the days. And when the travelling partner returns, it’s worth planning some PTO for the parent who was doing the heavy lifting.

Parenting can easily become a role that consumes everything. Stepping away from it occasionally doesn’t make us worse parents. If anything, it reminds us of the interesting, creative, curious person that our families love the most.

Usually, after a couple of quiet hours, something interesting happens. Between the coffee and the cake, I start missing my family again.

That’s when I know the reset has worked.

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