Super secret Camino worries and ruminations

Pssst . . . what if?

I’m staying at a fair number of albergues, dorm style, which means a lot of worries and a lot of bunk beds. First and foremost, small talk sounds horrendous in this situation. How many people are gonna wanna talk to me? For how long? Will I have to be nice for ten minutes? Twenty?? Nonstop??? What if no one wants to talk to me? What if only the weird one wants to talk to me (honestly, this is usually the case)? What if I’m the weird one and everyone's hoping I won’t talk to them? Will I have to poop while all these hordes of people are sitting on their bunks listening to me? When is the best, most private time to poop? What if I never get the chance to poop? Maybe I should bring a spade for cat holes? Honestly, that would be on brand for my bowels: only pooping when there's no bathroom. Is the number of times I've had to emergency shit outside disproportionate to other people my age?  What if there are no bushes or trees or rocks to shit behind? I'll probably have to make a plan to get up every night at 3am to have toilet privacy. How many other people are gonna have that SAME EXACT plan? So 3am probably doesn't work; too obvious. I need a completely random late night private bathroom poop time. Maybe 1:53am? No one else will be making that plan, right? Or maybe 4:12am, because then I’m getting a decent chunk of sleep. Of course there's no way my bowels will comply with any of this so yes yes yes I better bring a spade and a stack of tp squares. What if I'm on the top bunk? Can I climb a bunk ladder? I think so? Can I disembark one? At 4:12am? Without waking everyone up and causing a mad dash to the bathroom? How do I know a bunk bed will hold me? I don't. I could crush someone. Someone could crush me. What if I’m on the bottom bunk and I have to listen to the dude above me try to surreptitiously masturbate? Why do I assume it’s a dude? C’mon we all know it'll be a dude, they'll masturbate anytime and anywhere. And with anything. They could just masturbate in the shower tho. Like decent folk. What if I go in a shower stall after a dude and slip on a glob of cum? That could happen. I wont know if it's soap or cum. Soap or cum sounds like a game show. Would people think that's funny? Should I try that out on someone? I’m not sure how to weave it into a conversation. How many people will be speaking English, anyway? I shoulda learned a pinch of Spanish. I shoulda stopped saying stuff like "Que Donde? (That where)" to mean whats happening and "Escucha Me (listen to me)" to mean move over to Aaron because now I’m gonna say that to a Spainard and they're gonna be like, what's up with this crazy American? Who goes to another country without learning any of the language? Americans, apparently. I’m probably gonna get lost. I probably won’t make it out of the airport. I won’t make it to the train. I'll get on the wrong train and end up in Austria. I hope I get to see the Christmas markets in Austria someday. But not this trip. And not in April, duh. How will I know where to go? How will I find the right albergue? How did people survive without maps on their phones? What if I find the right albergue and they’re all eating family style? What if they make everyone get up and introduce themselves? I hate that. I never know what to say. Why do I have to say something interesting about me? Why do we have to meet each other? Why cant we just politely smile and furtively eat? What if all they feed me is fish? Will I eat it? Everyday? Will I eventually grow to like fish? Will I come home and be like, dude, Aaron, I eat fish now. Deal. What if my whole life changes because I eat fish now? Why do people like seafood so much? Why do they like watching a chef crack open a shell and scramble the insides with a fork and then they put it in front of you and say bon appetit?? We don’t eat other animals that way, like scramble up the insides and then scoop them out to eat from the pelvic area or the chest cavity. GROSS. I really should be a vegan. I really shoulda learned Spanish. I shoulda booked private rooms with private bathrooms instead of dorm style. I should bought more guidebooks and maps. I shoulda picked an easier hike, a shorter hike, one with less people, one I could just drive to myself, and hike with myself, and be all by myself. Why did I do this? Why did I plan this? Why do I keep putting myself in these situations? HOW DO I GET OUTTA THIS?!?

xoxo, Amy

Hi everyone! I'm testing out writing via phone and app in preparation for my attempt to document some of my travels on the Camino. (Expect way more typos as I have sausage fingers! Apologies in advance.)