Top 10 Papal Proclamations from Pope Leo XIV

With apologies to David Letterman, here are the top 10 recently announced initiatives Pope Leo has indicated will be the most pressing priorities for the first 30 days of his pontificate.

Drumroll, please….

10. It is now a venial sin to say you're from Chicago when you actually grew up in Buffalo Grove.

9. No more papal audiences until he finishes rewatching The Bear.

8. Papal shoes will now be Air Jordans.

7. Vatican chef must acquire all ingredients from the Jewels on Kedzie.

6. Taking the Kennedy during summer construction satisfies requirements for a plenary indulgence.

5. Trevi Fountain to be filled with RC Cola.

4. Opening cause for canonization of Eagle Man due to miraculously low rates.

3. Dignitaries and heads of state will henceforth be received in the Papal Frunch Room.

2. Pontifical Academy of Sciences launching investigation to figure out what exactly Southpaw is.

1. Next Pope will be decided by a game of 16-inch softball. No mitts.

I grew up on David Letterman Top Ten Lists, so I just couldn’t help myself. I continue to be in awe of the fact that our Pope is from Chicago, and I love everything I am seeing from him so far. Please continue to pray for our Holy Father!