This is a guest post from my new friend Not So Darlin’ Tonya whom I connected with through Substack, because of our shared experiences with eating disorders. Tonya Phillips is also a meditation teacher, and when I heard that she had created a meditation specifically for those of us in recovery from eating disorders, I was captivated and asked her to write about it. The meditation is centering and honest. I deeply appreciate the reminder that healing is not just about behavioral treatment or talk therapy. Somatic therapeutic practices and other modalities can be extremely helpful in our recovery. Please enjoy and follow Tonya!
By Tonya Phillips
This Is Not Your Mother's Eating Disorder is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
I didn’t create this meditation because I had it all figured out. I created it because I didn’t.
If you’ve ever sat there staring at a plate of food like it was your enemy, or felt completely alone at the table—even in a room full of people—you’re my people. I know that ache. I lived it. And I wanted to make something that whispers, you don’t have to carry this alone.
When I imagined this practice, I saw a table—long, messy, loud, imperfect, but overflowing with love. A community of women like us, nourishing not just our bodies but our souls. Women who’ve all felt the sting of being out of control, or tried so hard to look like they had it all together. Women who chased perfection, wanted to look smart, wanted their lives to appear flawless in photos. That was me too. Smiling behind the picture-perfect Instagram shots, while inside I was crumbling.
That’s why I call myself Not So Darlin’ Tonya. Because I finally got tired of pretending. Perfect is lame. I wanted to be real—makeup-free, messy, happy. I wanted to sit at a table again with friends, taste food without shame, laugh without worrying what I looked like or how I sounded.
Control isn’t connection. The table I envision is full of women letting go, laughing loud, and finally tasting freedom.
The truth is, our bodies are our homes. And I’ll be the first to admit—I treated mine like hell. But little by little, through meditation, breath, visualization, and a whole lot of grace, I learned how to thank my body. To trust food again as fuel. To stop believing the lie that I was broken.
That’s why I became a guide. Because somewhere along the way, I found my voice. The same voice that used to call me damaged or not enough softened into something kinder. And now, I want to sit at that big, messy, not so darlin’ table with you and remind you—you are supported, you are cared for, and you are enough exactly as you are.
This isn’t about being perfect. Perfect is lame. This is about practice. About letting go of shame, holding on to hope, and walking this not so darlin’ path together.
You can listen to the meditation, Healing Meditation for Eating Disorder Recovery, here.
This Is Not Your Mother's Eating Disorder is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.