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Welcome to Happy on Purpose, a bestselling newsletter about happiness, habits, and midlife. Tap the ❤️ button to spread the joy!

Earlier this week, I was chatting with a friend who’s an accomplished life coach writing a book about gratitude. She’s always wise and thoughtful, and I can’t stop thinking about this one thing she said…

“You know, I’m a big proponent of gratitude, but man, it’s hard to do!”

I felt seen! My entire body exhaled with, well, gratitude!

Her offhand comment validated something I’ve long felt: while I know that practicing gratitude is one of the keys to a happy life—and it sounds so simple—in the midst of ordinary days filled with minor mishaps, irritations, and grievances, it’s actually very difficult to do.

For years, I struggled to adopt a daily gratitude ritual until I stumbled upon a ridiculously low-effort trick from Oprah Winfrey: start and end the day with two words: thank you. I write it in my journal each morning and whisper it when I turn out the light at night, and much to my surprise, I’ve kept it going.

I know it works: a few months ago, I lost the habit while traveling and spent weeks afterward wondering why I felt off. When I realized I’d been skipping my “thank yous,” I reinstated them—and soon felt happier.

My two-word practice works for me, but it may not work for you. So, I did some digging to find evidence-based ways to practice gratitude that you might like to try.

And if you have a ritual that works for you, please share!

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1. Don’t do it daily. Keep a gratitude journal—but only once a week. For some people, that beats doing it more often. In one study, people who wrote down five things they were grateful for once a week showed real improvements in well-being, while those who did it three times a week got no boost at all—and some even slipped backward. The likely culprit? The more often they wrote, the more it began to feel like a chore.

2. Take “pleasure” breaks. A 2013 study found that giving up a treat for a week—in that case, chocolate—made people enjoy it far more when they finally indulged again. The point is to notice how easily we take our small pleasures for granted, and to savor them instead. We assume more is better, that joy comes from abundance and indulgence—but a little restraint turns out to make us happier.

3. Aim it outward. Instead of cataloging your blessings privately, aiming gratitude outward has been proven to increase happiness and life satisfaction—for you, and the person you interact with. In a study of 219 people who wrote three gratitude letters over three weeks, writing the letters increased participants’ happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms. Reading a gratitude letter out loud to the recipient is especially powerful. In a 2010 study of cohabiting couples, gratitude evoked by a kind or thoughtful interaction predicted increases in relationship connection and satisfaction the following day — for both the person expressing it and the person receiving it. And, at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, researchers found that just by saying “thank you,” managers motivated team members to work harder.

4. Try “three good things.” Each evening, write down three specific things that went well during that day, in detail, including how you felt at the time and what caused it. More instructions here! You can also do this with others: Tell Me 3 Good Things is a free daily newsletter that encourages readers to share three good things that have happened to them that day. Even if you don’t participate, it’s inspiring to read.

5. Rethink a bad thing that’s happened. In a 2008 study, people recalled an unresolved, painful memory and wrote down the positive consequences they could now feel grateful for. Afterward, they were better able to process those experiences and feel emotional closure. Instead of counting your blessings, you’re metabolizing a hard memory through gratitude.

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To enter, pop into the comments and tell me what your favorite summer activity or ritual is: it can be anything from listening to the birds in the morning to eating all the corn and watermelon…

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1. 📺WATCH. Have you seen The Five Star Weekend, the limited series starring Jennifer Garner, D’Arcy Carden, Gemma Chan, Regina Hall, and Chloë Sevigny, and
based on one of Elin Hilderbrand’s bestselling books? I binge-watched it, and while I enjoyed the depictions of female friendships and midlife crises, it was not perfect! Ride or Die, starring Hannah Waddingham, Octavia Spencer, and Bill Nighy, looks fun, and Lucky, a thriller starring Anya Taylor-Joy, also based on a bestselling book, seems intriguing. In honor of Sam Neill, I’m considering a rewatch of Dead Calm, a movie masterpiece, and (I think) one of Nicole Kidman’s best. Finally, The Odyssey is in theaters this weekend and looks epic!

2. 📚READ. I’m still thinking about the characters in The Shampoo Effect, which I loved so much I didn’t want it to end. Inspired by Amy Poehler’s podcast episode with Mindy Kaling, I’m reading Kaling’s funny memoir, Is Everyone Hanging Out With Out Me? On my list to read next: Miss Bates, Mad Mabel, and Catch the Devil: A True Story of Murder, Deception, and Injustice on the Gulf Coast. Plus, if you’re in the mood, here are some “sexy age-gap romance novels.”😏

3. Wimbledon may be over, but you can still take summer outfit inspiration from the tournament’s timeless, chic, celeb-approved style. Whites, stripes, and strawberries galore!

4. It’s Humiliating. It’s Exhilarating. It’s a Line. Loved this piece about the longtime New York tradition of standing in ridiculously long lines for everything from ice cream to tacos…

5. What to cook when it’s too hot to cook! 10 delicious no-cook crowd-pleasers for the height of summer.

Note: I only recommend products I genuinely like and have often bought for myself. I may earn a small affiliate commission at no cost to you if you buy something I recommend.

5 Surprising Gratitude Practices That Actually Work

Note: I only recommend products I genuinely like and have often bought for myself. I may earn a small affiliate commission at no cost to you if you buy something I recommend.

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