When Fixing Gets in the Way

In this week’s essay, Fatherhood is an Ego Detox, I wrote about the professional reflex many Ambitious Dads bring home: fixing before connecting.

At work, being useful often means solving quickly, staying in control, and moving things forward.

At home, that same reflex can quietly kill connection.

When I brought my son to tears by suggesting we throw out his paper airplane experiments covering our apartment, I thought I was solving a clutter problem. But to him, those planes were proof of a passion I hadn’t taken seriously enough yet.

That’s the heart of my June 17th workshop, Become a Better Leader by Becoming a Better Dad: learning to catch our Default Dad patterns earlier, so we can connect before we correct and lead with more steadiness at home and everywhere else.

In this week’s clip, former actor Randy Spelling names a pattern many dads know too well: listening versus solving.

As a father of two daughters, and self-described problem solver, Randy shares how often he has to remind himself not to rush in with the fix.

Check out Randy’s full Ambitious Dads Podcast interview here.

This week, try noticing where your need to fix may be blocking your ability to connect.

Work / Leadership:
Where am I trying to solve too quickly before I fully understand what the person in front of me is experiencing?

Pick one conversation this week and ask two more questions before offering advice.

Fatherhood:
Where do I most often rush to fix my child’s emotion instead of witnessing it?

Choose one moment this week to pause and ask: What is this emotion trying to show me before I try to make it stop?

If you’re reading this thinking, “Yep… I’m great at solving problems, but not always great at staying present inside them,” you’re not alone.

On June 17th, I’m hosting a free, 60-minute live workshop: Become a Better Leader by Becoming a Better Dad.

We’ll explore how to catch your Default Dad patterns earlier, connect before correcting, and use the emotional tests of fatherhood to become steadier at home and stronger as a leader at work.

Register here.