When Auto-Pilot Starts Raising Our Kids

In this week’s essay, Meet Default Dad, I wrote about the tired, half-present version of ourselves our kids know a little too well. The one who shows up when we’re depleted, distracted, and running on fumes.

Default Dad is who shows up when your battery is at 3%. You can love your kids fiercely and still find yourself drifting into auto-pilot, scrolling next to them on the couch, or snapping because bedtime has stretched into an Olympic sport.

The work isn’t about eliminating Default Dad.
It’s noticing when he’s taken the wheel and gently reclaiming the version of you that your kids actually remember: present, steady, human.

Default Dad is born from control, and the pressure to hold everything together, manage every outcome, and stay composed no matter what’s happening inside.

In this week’s clip, Ambitious Dad Dave Inglis shares a moment where he finally snapped out of that pattern. Through tears, he describes the moment he stopped white-knuckling his way through life and let go of the illusion of control.

Default Dad thrives on pressure.
Our healthier self begins with letting go.

This week, try and notice your auto-pilot tendencies at work and at home

Work/Leadership: where are you “default boss?” Efficient, always solving but not fully present, empathetic and open to coaching the person in front of you.

Pick one conversation and get curious. Try asking one or two extra questions before offering an answer.

Fatherhood: where do your predictable “default dad” scenes surface - bedtime, mornings, homework, or sibling battles?

Choose one of those scenes and make a small pattern interrupt: three breaths before entering, phone in another room, or one curious question instead of a correction.

If you’re reading this thinking,
“Yep, that’s me… but I don’t know how to change it without dropping something important,”
you’re not alone.

My work sits at the intersection of leadership and fatherhood.
Ambitious Dads is where those two worlds collide and start to make sense again.

If you want to:

• redesign your time and leadership around what actually matters,

• understand your triggers so you can respond with more calm and less regret,

• and develop a fatherhood philosophy instead of winging the most important role of your life…

I’ve opened a few spots for exploratory coaching conversations. If that sounds like the kind of support you’ve been quietly wanting, grab a time on my calendar here.