Perhaps it’s the way my Instagram algorithm has been curated for me, as a recovering perfectionist who is still way harder on myself than I should be. But, every time I open social media these days I’m struck with the feeling that everyone else has their ish together and I’m just over here pretending to be a real adult.
You know the feeling, right?
When you find yourself wondering how everyone else is juggling all the things but you still feel like a teenager masquerading as an adult? That feeling when a problem comes up and you instinctively find yourself searching for a “real grown up” before realizing that you are, in fact, a very real grown up and have been for multiple decades?
I think it’s a pretty universal experience. But, I’m not positive. And I’m pretty convinced that the reason I’m not positive it’s a universal experience is because everyone is pretending like they have it all together.
Over the last few years as I’ve worked to unlearn a lot of my perfectionist tendencies, I’ve learned that one of the best ways to fight that feeling is by being real. I used to be really hesitant to share mistakes, mishaps, or the hard stuff, but I have tried to lean into more openness when it comes to the messy parts. Because I don’t want anyone to ever look at my social media profiles and think “how does she do it all? I could never…”
So, in the interest of reminding you that we’re all just faking being grown-ups, here a few things I’m completely and utterly failing at lately.
Family dinners at the table. I’ve always sworn we’re a “dinner at the table” family. But this summer we’ve fallen into a routine of being a “dinner in front of the television with an episode of Young Sheldon” family. It’s easy and I’ve been talking to the kids all day long so it gives my introverted self a little break. And the kids love it! But, I truly miss those family gatherings at the table. I’m hoping to get back into our normal routine once school starts, but if you struggle to corral everyone at the table every night, just know you aren’t alone.
Managing my anxiety without defaulting to distraction. When I’m out of routine or when things feel off, I tend to fall into a habit of using my phone, a book, or literally anything to distract myself and not deal with the anxiety. I’ve gotten a lot better about this over the years, but summer is always a higher-anxiety time for me (see “out of routine”) and I’ve gotta admit - I’m not managing it all that well these days.
Eating healthy. I always think summer will be the season I’ll lean into things like grilled chicken and fresh salads and ripe fruit. But instead, this summer I had to avoid bagged salads (danger!) and I did more leaning into ice cream and margaritas and Costco pizza. Whoops.
Running. If you’ve followed me on social media for a while you’ll know that running was kind of my thing. I got really into it in 2020 when I was desperate to get out of the house and ended up running 3 marathons. And then, I hurt my foot and had to take a few months off. And now? I can barely get through a 5k without a quick walking break. I don’t know if it’s perimenopause or just pure laziness but running doesn’t hit like it used to and I’m feeling some really mixed feelings about it. It’s caused me to avoid it more than I’d like and sent me into a bit of an exercise-related existential crisis. Because I’m nothing if not totally measured and reasonable when it comes to these things.
Keeping up with my garden / backyard. Every year I declare this will be the year I become a gardener. And every year I get one month in, forget about it, and abandon the whole thing. We’re actually doing better than usual this year since I set up a drip irrigation system (it waters itself - win!), but my daily garden checks have become weekly-ish garden checks and it shows.
Avoiding “roommate mode”. You know what I’m talking about, right? When you and your partner are so busy dealing with kids and houses and jobs and life that you pause to look up and realize you spend more days existing like roommates than like people who are madly in love? Summer is the prime time for this to happen (the kids are ALWAYS! HERE!), but I have to admit we haven’t been great at prioritizing things like date nights or doing anything other than falling into bed and binging Cape Fear once we get the kids settled for the evening.
Actually finishing a thought. There are too many thoughts in my head and too much chaos in my house to let any of them out. It’s jumbled up and messy and… what were we talking about again?
Prioritizing quiet time for myself. Oh boy, do I ever feel this one during the summer. I try waking up a little earlier to squeeze in some “me” time, but the kids have a radar for these things and come slinking out of their room at the crack of dawn. Even when I do manage to get up early I get distracted by cleaning or puttering around and I don’t just exist and take some time for myself. And then I get annoyed with myself for not having the discipline to do the things I want to do. And ‘round and ‘round we go.
Maintaining a creative outlet that isn’t also work. I’ve been having a ton of fun stretching my creative muscles for work lately (aged planters and bathroom makeovers and patio refreshes galore!), but I’ve had an unfinished puzzle on my table for two weeks because I '“never have time” to sit down and work on it just for fun.
Being nice to myself. Woof. Okay, this one’s a bit vulnerable, but here we go: I’m pretty mean to myself. Like, all the time. I have a nasty inner critic (Enneagram 1’s unite!), and I’m not always great at controlling her. In high anxiety times (see number 2!), she gets extra noisy and mean. I try my best to counter the negative thoughts but I’m still at the part where I say the nice thing to myself but I don’t really believe it. I’ll get there someday but in the interest of being real with you, I’m not there today.
So, there you have it. The things I’m not juggling well. Don’t get me wrong - there are plenty of things I’m doing a pretty good job at lately. We’ve been playing lots of family games and reading together every night and I get my steps in most days and I’m not addicted to any illicit substances. That counts for something, right?!
Anyways. I’m off to eat some Costco pizza and watch Young Sheldon with the kids. We’ll get it together eventually.
How are you holding up this summer?
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.