My Soul Has Been Shooketh

Hello, my friends!

First off—a warning from the writer: I swear a lot in this post. Not because I’m angry, but because I’m very excited about the subject matter, which makes me jump up and down for joy and swear a lot. 😉 (I feel like I look holding this golden retriever puppy friend.) So here goes…

I’ve been back for a week from a three-day retreat led by the inimitable Dr. Jennifer Freed, and my body is still buzzing. Or is it spinning? Or re-centering? I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you this: after three days with incredible women, I feel like they grabbed my soul and gave it a good scrubbing, then handed it back to me ready to roll. Maybe I know myself better? Or I’m connecting with my higher self? I’ll figure it out by the end of this post, but here’s how my world got rocked…

Jennifer assembled a wildly intelligent and sensitive group of women to facilitate the retreat with her. I knew I was in for some powerful shit when I saw the list of names who’d be joining us:

• Elise Loehnen - yes, that Elise. She’s the host of my favorite podcast “Pulling the Thread,” the author of the New York Times bestselling “On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be Good,” co-author of “True and False Magic: a Workbook” with Dr. Phil Stutz, and so much more. (Just wait till you discover her work with Courtney Smith.) Elise knows more about more subjects than anyone I’ve ever encountered, and it is thrilling.

• Shannon Watts: Founder Emeritus of Moms Demand Action, author of the New York Times bestselling “Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark Into a Flame at Any Age,” and general badass who walks through the world tackling some of today’s biggest topics—like gun control; and teaching women how to stop chasing obligation and start chasing their desires—with a calm tenacity unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She is a force.

• Ellen Vora (the psychiatrist Dr. Ellen Vora, whose new book “Season of the Witch: A Psychiatrist’s Case for Magic” is about to rock your world. I had been following Ellen’s work for years, but her intellect combined with her emotional intelligence kinda broke me. I can only imagine how transformative Ellen’s work is for her patients.

• Courtney Smith -Courtney was the only woman whose work I had yet to experience, but when Shannon Watts tells you that Courtney is the woman whose work she admires most, brace yourself. Courtney is an enneagram expert and coach, and together with Elise, they wrote the workbook “Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: A Process for Reclaiming Your Whole Self” to support the work in Elise’s book “On Our Best Behavior.” I was warned Courtney is otherworldly and it’s true. I was mesmerized by her teachings and her energy the entire time.

• Melissa Lowenstein -psychotherapist, creative artist, writer, and somatics teacher/practitioner, Melissa led us through multiple movement practices to keep us connected to the earth while we took in all of the learnings from these incredible women. Without her, I think I would have left my body completely.

• Then there is Dr. Jennifer Freed herself. Being in Jennifer’s presence can overwhelm me because she can see into my soul. (What’s the joyful version of a dementor in “Harry Potter?” A good witch? That’s Jennifer.) Because she is a psychologist and an astrologer and energy reader, Jennifer can provide me with more insight about my inner workings in 5 seconds than a therapist can in a year. Oh, and she has written more books than I could count, including “Use Your Planets Wisely” and “A Map to Your Soul: Using the Astrology of Fire, Earth, Air, and Water to Live Deeply and Fully,” along with my favorite oracle deck.

  The time with these women felt empowering, magical, profound, and overwhelming simultaneously.

Because I’ve never done psychedelics, I’m not sure what it feels like to hit a different plane of existence while still in your body, but I think something similar happened to me. Every time one of these women spoke, my body started buzzing, like I was being lightly electrocuted. Jennifer said my aura was expanding. I think she was right, but at moments it felt so energizing that it was exhausting. (Maybe this is how Mantis in “Guardians of the Galaxy” feels. IYKYK.)

I’m trying to distill what I learned without giving away the collective magic we created as a group. That would be impossible actually, because the real magic happens when you’re in the company of other women, right?

But here were my biggest takeaways:

• I believe in things I cannot see. I have believed this to my core since the minute my dad passed away last year, but it was reaffirmed for me in conversation with others. Call it source; a collective energy; whatever you’d like, but I know the most important souls in my life who have passed are actually right here, poking me on the shoulder, messing with me to get my attention whenever it’s needed. The best, most unburdened versions of themselves are available for a chat or support with a quick, “Talk to me, Goose” from me. (Another ridiculous movie reference, I know.)

• We all have upper limits we’ve imposed on ourselves, i.e. imaginary ceilings that hold us back from becoming everything we’re capable of being. The only way to bust through them is to acknowledge them, and fight every stupid fucking instinct we have to hold ourselves back. (My upper limits felt like they were set in stone, but girlfriend, I worked through that crap and kicked their booties OUT!)

• My need to be liked keeps me small.

• There is a high vibration level to living in your integrity that is palpable. And when you fall out of integrity—even in a teeny tiny part of life—you can feel that too, and man does it piss me off. But as quickly as you’re willing to come back to yourself, you feel your best again!)

• Our shadow self is a badass motherf-er who is here to teach us more about ourselves than you can imagine. It is a gift—and one not to be discarded.

• When you can acknowledge fear and name it, you can physically move it out of your body.

• Asking “why?” before taking action is paralyzing. It’s only after you do the thing that the why is sometimes revealed.

• Life is never happening to us. It’s happening for us. Luckily, I already believed this on the deepest level, and it will continue to serve me as I face the regular challenges life throws our way!

These were all fantastic takeaways, but do you want to know the most insane part of it all? They all Jedi mind-tricked me. They may have been the ones imparting all of this wisdom, but now that I’ve processed it all, their collective takeaway was this:

I have everything I need to live my best life possible inside of me. I don’t need to look outside myself for the answers to my most burning questions, desires, and dreams. I just need to tap into my own knowing.

Can you believe how they turned that around on us? Every tool, tip, and nugget of wisdom they shared has allowed me to reach into my soul and pull the crap out that was getting in my way of living my largest life.

Now I understand why I’ve been so tired and buzzy. I eliminated so many of the road blocks that have been holding me back in a very short amount of time. It feels funny to look ahead to a wide open field without any obstacles and just run—like a Tom Cruise-in-Mission Impossible-fast kind of run—but I’m finally letting in the great stuff I’ve worked towards with my career, love, health, and life!

I’m so excited to share it with all of you, and hear how you’re doing the same.

I continue to have my cup filled by this community-especially since I get to show up as my unpolished, real self here and you seem to be cool with it. (Not that I need your approval or anything. 😉)

xo-Amanda

P.S. I’ll start talking about my in-person retreat more in the days to come, but I am so encouraged by how quickly it has been selling! It’s proof we need real human connection. I would love to have you join us on November 14th if you can!

Sign up here!

(If you are looking to receive some financial support around the retreat, reach out to me at amanda@amandahaascooks.com and we’ll see what we can do!

If you are looking to provide some financial support for a worthy recipient, you can contribute increments of $100 at checkout.)