I Found Calypso’s Swimsuit From 'The Odyssey'

I only read fiction by women. I’d like to say this is some sort of philosophical or political stance, cultivated over years of active work to dismantle a male-dominated system, but the reality is once you’re caught up on Ian McEwan1, the men haven’t published much to care about in the last twenty years. A combination of market forces and personal preferences, I guess; I’m still ready and willing to become a literary fiction influencer when the new Ishiguro hits. Anyway, after weeks of feeling mentally inadequate, I read a good portion (but not all) of Emily Wilson’s Odyssey translation to prep for The Big Picture. We were taught the brand new Robert Fagles translation in eighth grade (my school was psychotic) and weirdly, despite majoring in Classics, The Odyssey was not a big part of my college curriculum. (They focused on Greek history in translation and then pushed you towards Latin for the original language literature; the one Ancient Greek language class I took was so hard that the professor started teaching us Elvish part way through just to lift flagging spirits.) This is all to say that I hadn’t read The Odyssey in a very long time and never as translated by a woman. Electric! The style, like Christopher Nolan’s film adaptation, is modern and fairly colloquial; the interpretation of Odysseus, unlike Nolan’s, is wary or “complicated,” as Wilson translates the opening line. He’s often unfeeling, borderline ADHD and way of more of a basic Man Who Can’t Plan a Trip than I was originally taught. Wilson’s Translator’s Note offers that “Matthew Arnold famously claimed that translations of Homer must convey four supposedly essential qualities of Homeric style: rapidity, directness of expression, plainness of thought, and nobility.” Then she dispenses with nobility and politely calls Alexander Pope a bombastic hack (complimentary). This is a Classics professor who named her daughters Imogen, Psyche, and Freya — no notes! — and thanks her nursery/afterschool program in the acknowledgments. Strong recommend! Movie is great, too.

A good running bit from my actual friend Lauren Sherman is tagging me in unsourced Instagram posts about how Leos will conquer the world in 2026. Money, fame, more money, it’s all coming our way. (I am obviously a Leo.) I did some research via Susan Miller — yes, that Susan Miller! She’s still going!— and apparently Jupiter really is lined up for the next 13 months. “How does it feel to be King or Queen of the zodiac, dear Leo?” But also: “July will have a slow, meandering pace. It will be perfect for thinking and planning but will not be the month to act.” I was not supposed to schedule anything during this Cancer new moon (it’s in my twelfth house of inner reflection, likely story) but I am defying the planets and hosting a joint birthday party. Like Odysseus, the gods cannot constrain me.

Report from the North: I went to Toronto and I bought some stuff. I did other things too — met many lovely listeners at TIFF, met the one and only LaineyGossip in person (!!!) — but those will be documented on The Big Picture or not at all. At least 15 different people told me to try VSP Consignment in Toronto, and I am grateful to each of these enablers. The selection was not dissimilar to an in-person Real Real store: a couple racks of top-shelf designer archival, Chanel bags on the wall, two rooms full of Zimmerman, Isabel Marant, your occasional Brandon Maxwell etc. But lots of sunlight and polished wood. (Also: carpet? Am I becoming a carpet person?) I bought a Phoebe-era Celine dress (above) and then had lunch at Manita, a perfect fancy lady afternoon.

While we’re discussing items of Canadian provenance: 19/99 Beauty is a beloved-by-me Canadian brand, and I discussed several of its products with Heather, a new friend who BROUGHT A NEGRONI AND POTATO CHIPS TO ME AT AN EVENT. (Don’t mean to erase the contributions of Julian here but Heather, we should have traded numbers.) The Cream Highlight Stick in Perla is exactly what it says on the label, and it works. The closest that I will get to looking like Elle Fanning photographed having the time of her life at an awards event.2

Movie Theater Parking Update: the LAPhil invited me to the Criterion-curated Music of Wes Anderson concert at the Hollywood Bowl and also supplied an absolutely elite parking pass, the second-best spot I’ve ever had in my deeply un-VIP life. (Number 1 was the Egyptian Theater, so remarkable that Jason Schwartzman’s entry in the green room guestbook reads “Wow, thank you for this parking spot!”) The show was essentially a Wes Anderson version of the Sofia Coppola Bill Murray Christmas special, which is among the highest compliments I can pay anything. Thank you to Beck for my summer fashion inspo.

On Jam Session this week, we talked about the never-ending struggle that is finding a normal bathing suit. I have many personal requirements — a shelf bra, a certain heft to the fabric, pleasing colors, no weird tan lines, stays in place when used to actually swim — but when we get down to it all I want is a non-slutty one-piece. Unlike seemingly 90 percent of the one-piece wearing world I do not want my tits hanging out, or to the side, or to any of the other directions invented by the heinous suits on Shopbop. (Eres also way guiltier than it should be at that price point.) This email headline is a joke and also Calypso is played in the movie by Charlize Theron, but I was impressed with her age- and topography-appropriate swimwear: lots of mesh, neutral colors, arms and legs and shoulders and one perfect posterior shot in a see through mesh cover up. Nothing like that on this list, but here are all the non-slutty swim suggestions that I received:

• Left On Friday Double Scoop Suit, Navy

  The best website on the internet, without question or competition, is New York Magazine’s The Strategist. Thorough research, inventive features, specific and unerring taste (subscribe to Secret Strategist for the real gold and a tremendous number of lamps. You do always need a lamp!) My longest-held career goal is to do a What I Can’t Live Without column — you think you’re getting the goods now, just wait until you see what’s on the Note I’ve been editing on and off since 2021. What makes The Strategist different, and better, than Hobbies is that its editors are willing to be photographed in bathing suits in the name of journalism. Nothing but respect; will never happen here. In this particular case both models look great and also helpfully demonstrated to me that every single Left On Friday one-piece is far too low cut for my personal needs. Except for maybe this Double Scoop, which is new and which I ordered despite not even really liking any of the available colors. I think Jam has been added since I placed this order, maybe I’ll look into that…

• Haight Pipping Thidu Swimsuit
  This rec came with an important warning to “look behind the REVOLVE push-up cleavage because that’s not how they wear on a regular body.” Fully-lined. I think it’s cute!

• Andie Malibu Ribbed Classic
  Nervous about the snaps but we like the sound of “underbust elastic.”

• Andie Laguna One Piece
  Nervous about the lower cut here but it’s not slutty.

• Albion Natalie and Margot One Pieces
  I immediately ordered both — Natalie in Kiwi Stripe, Margot in Cream Cocoa Dot. 12 hours later I already know that Cream Cocoa Dot was a fantasy, sort of like whenI look at Doen dress and think “Yeah, that’s totally me!” I got several suggestions for Boden suits but similarly I am not a Boden girl.

• Summersalt Surf Bathingsuit
  On the right person, very chic! (On my short torso, probably not.)

• Karla Coletto Eloise One Piece
  “Be sure to read instructions re: sizing.”

• Karla Colleto Lia Scalloped Swimsuit
  ”I really love the Stylst, this is less constricting and more flattering.”

• J. Crew Nia Ruched Squareneck One-Piece
  “I hear you on J. Crew suits but this has been supportive and life-changing for me and the other moms and my local pool.” Good pull quote!!

• J. Crew Crochet Trim Scoopback
  This suggestion is from me and I know it won’t work, but I ordered it anyway.

Finally, I just found this screenshot saved on my desktop: