pt. 6 ~ When It Ends, The Memories Begin ⋆˙⟡

That next day did in fact trump it. I still think of it as one of the best days of my life, when we were together and not. Don’t think anything will change that.

That day we went to the beach.

I don’t have that many photos from the beach of us in it, since we spent so much time living in the moment with each other that day. But if I close my eyes I can bring myself back in an instant. It was so warm, wrapped in many layers. One layer being the sun, the other being the warm sand, and the other the hug of my swimsuit and the warmth of his skin.

We walked out onto the beach, holding our stuff, and set our things down, and right when I set my last thing I found myself swooping up into his arms with ease, and before I knew it he was bringing us into the frigid waters. I screamed, yelping and laughing. We both giggled, trying to hold back our screams as the water lapped our legs. He held me high above the water, but eventually it hit his torso and he couldn’t hold me any higher. So he started teasing me, dipping me in the water and making me squeal. We laughed and I cursed at him, holding onto him like a leech. I at one point used his full name, and he laughed, setting me down into the water, which is definitely not what I wanted. But after I took the punishment, I started splashing water at him. We did that for a while, back and forth. Running after each other, splashing wherever and whenever we could. Pretending to splash, then not, then faking it out to catch the other off guard. Then at one point he ran towards me and picked me up, my legs around his torso while we kissed a very cold salty kiss. Then he’d smile, our lips still pressed, and he’d dip my back side into the water, and I’d squeal into his mouth. Eventually we stopped and went back to shore, trying to get warm again. But despite how we felt, the beach still looked absolutely gorgeous. And I keep saying this, but like something out of a movie. I wanted to take a picture of all of it, and never let it go. This moment was everything. And the best moments when we were together weren’t documented in photos, and that kills me. So I’ll try to make up for it in words.

We laid on a blanket and got clothed, drying ourselves off and laying together and trying to get warm. Eventually we did, and the sun started to feel through, and we weren’t miserably cold anymore. We talked about what we could do that day, and the biggest plan was just that–beach. So we beached the hell out. We just laid together, looking at each other, talking and admiring the view. We sat there like that for hours. At one point we almost fell asleep, then it started getting closer to noon, and more kids were yipping and running around. We’d kiss and go back to staring, then just admire each other, and talk about how we had all the time in the world, and we could have this forever if we wanted to. I laid sideways, my hand propping my head up while he laid flat, and my other hand stroked through his hair. We looked into each other’s souls, and it seemed like forever, in the best way. He looked into my eyes as if I were speaking through them. He was the first person to ever truly see me, inside and out, and I wasn’t afraid of what they’d find. Because I knew now I wasn’t at fault for so many things in my past, even though I was made out to be. And he helped me through that. He helped me realize I wasn’t at fault for my parent’s behavior, and I wasn’t a bad person. All my irrational fears showed me how I wasn’t that to begin with. And with him, I felt like a good person. Like I was doing what I was supposed to–just live and love and be loved. It was so simple, but being with him, life felt simple, and it felt clear. It was like putting on glasses I didn’t know I needed.

We whispered these feelings and secrets to each other, admiring the other and taking our sweet time. It’s like the whole world fell away and it was just us. I genuinely didn’t care that there were other people around us. I know that people were looking our way, pointing. At one point someone took a picture of us. I made eye contact with them. It was just me and him. We weren’t doing anything weird, of course, we were just looking at each other and talking, and smiling. Nothing uncomfortable in public. But we were so in love. We kept saying that over and over again. Saying how we wanted to snapshot this moment in time. And how real we were, being here, and everything that led us there. I remember admiring the way his eyes simmered in different lights. He had hazel eyes, which were a deep brown in normal lighting, light brown in bright light, and a beautiful goldish-brown simmer in the sun. I used my shadow to go back and forth over him, watching the way his eyes adjusted with the light, and how the color changed. Then we switched positions, and he did the same, curious with how it’d look on mine. I became so familiar with his body, his soul, the parts of him that made him him, like the scar he got from a dog attack on his scalp on his hairline, and the click of his knee when he walked, that I felt like I knew him better than my own self. But then again, everyone in love must feel this way, right?

We spent hours like that together. Sometimes at night, when I close my eyes, I still see his head over mine, the halo of the sun highlighting his wet curls, the soft, disbelieving smile formed on his face as his eyes roam mine, his pupils enlarging as it grazes over me. His hands going through my hair, playing with each strand as if he wanted to touch every one. Feeling along every bump, every freckle, every mole, like each had a story, and he wanted to know it. I’ll never forget the way he made me feel–like a lost art, someone he couldn’t believe he found, but won’t ever let go.

I remember him complaining about the wind pushing his hair into his eyes, so I offered to tie it back. He’d never done that with his hair before, but it was long enough to be an easy man bun, so I showed him how to do it. He loved it, asked me to put it up like that a few times during that week. He joked that I liked it because it reminded me of my favorite ACOTAR character, Cassian, because he was a burly man with a man bun, and I didn’t object to that.

We walked around for a bit, people watched, admired the jaw dropping view that was happening 360 around us constantly. It was just absolutely gorgeous. We walked by residential beach homes, people sitting out on their porches enjoying a good book or conversation. We ate some pizza from a local shop, munching and talking about where we’d like to live if we worked out. I told him that living on/near the beach would be great, because then we could do this everyday if we wanted to. He agreed, and we talked about how we’d decorate the house and what beach we liked, and so on. I even looked up the costs, seeing realistically what we’d have to make to have a place near the beach. It felt like a dream that was doable, attainable, since my grandparents had the same dream and worked their way to live on the beach. I always hoped to have a love as great as theirs, and it felt full circle talking about this with him, both all in to the dream.

We ended the night with a view of the water. On the way to the viewing spot, we thumped to music in the car. And when I say thumped, I mean it. He had it so loud, he was screaming the lyrics. And as an Italian, screaming means screaming. He hit a decimal I didn’t know was possible. At first it was really annoying, but I decided to try to match his energy. So we rolled down the windows, blasted Bruno Mars and Drake, whatever we felt like listening to, and thumped to it as the sun set. We were both in our element. A couple people on the streets hyped us up, some people dancing or singing along with us, and we’d nod and get louder. At the stop lights, while we waited, he’d pump the break to the base, making it feel like a 4D experience. Didn’t even know it was a thing. It made me laugh.

We found a spot more private just outside the beach where there were some rocks. We climbed up, to get away from the street lights so we could see the night sky the best we could. Although nothing topped the stars at the airbnb. We watched the lights twinkle, and admired it all from afar, with how quiet and peaceful it all sounded now with the lapping waves. Then of course we made out for a bit, then climbed back down after a certain sharp jagged rock started poking both of us in the back.

Walking back up, I complained that my feet hurt, but in a sort of joking sort of laughing way. He threw me on his back, told me he’d treat me like a princess, and giggled with me. But that uphill was no joke. He started sweating down his back, which was on my stomach, and I made sure to tell him how gross that was while he laughed. I whispered in his ear something I would do to him if he was able to carry me to the top, and suddenly he had super strength. He brought me to the top, no problem. We walked back to the car, then spotted a wall next to it, and had to make out against it before taking the long car ride back.

We drove the way back in everything but silence. The music was louder now that the air was colder and we had to roll the windows up. So we thumped inside, still very audible from outside, since people were still reacting to it. I felt like a main character, interacting and noticed in the most random places. Like an unintentional celebrity. It was so fun. We listened to everything from rap to white girl pop songs. Anything that had us losing our voices, we played it.

Before we got back to the airbnb, we got food, wine, and chocolates to watch a movie and wind down for the night. We watched Murder Mystery 2, which arguably was better in my opinion. We were completely zonked though, fell asleep while watching it on the couch. We ended up finding out the couch was a pullout, and slept on that instead, just bringing the blankets over a couple feet. It was so nice.

I wrote this about that day: