Authentically You

One of the hardest things to do in life is to determine who we are supposed to be. I felt this the most in my teens and twenties. My teenage years were in the 80s. That time had so many voices of who I was supposed to be. Looking around, teens and those in their twenties have even more bombardment than I had because of how easy it is to get on the internet with phones and other devices. Without proper discernment and/or supportive role models in life, we’ll chase anything and everything to feel better about ourselves and to fit in.

I grew up on a farm. The mechanics and building fascinated me. However, I never enjoyed working around the animals much. My dislike of walking with the cows came when some we raised thought they could play with humans as full grown cows. I got pinned against the milking parlor exit door. Even though I screamed, it took a bit before someone heard me in the noisy parlor through the metal door. The cow was beaten off with a shovel, and from that point on I never walked the barns without a shovel. By the end of my summer before eleventh grade, I was done with farm work, and the next year I worked at the historical association and enlisted early in the military. My scores in electronics and mechanics were high, but the usual things girls did well on came out quite lower.

This also rolled into school. Not only was I a farm girl instead of a townie, I was a first-rate nerd wanting to learn, but bored with how school taught me. That nerdiness led me to completing the highest level of math and science classes offered. However, at the end of 9th grade, I convinced my guidance counselor I would fail biology because I did not need to cut up a perfectly good animal unless I planned on eating it. We also had encyclopedias with pictures. I got three years of science in by skipping to chemistry and physics.

In the 80s, I found that the mentality that women should not work in male fields still had a strong enough hold to make my military time miserable. I did not fit in. Once in college, I felt like I was where I should be as a nerd. However, I still did not fit in well with more males than females in my technical classes. I was usually the only girl playing tabletop games, and when I started live action gaming in my twenties, maybe ten percent of us were girls. I seriously wondered why I wasn’t a boy so I could fit in better.

It took a breaking at thirty-three to figure out why nothing worked out and I was always angry about life. I was trying to conform to a world that I never quite fit in. What I needed was a transformation. I found that when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I figured out that my nerdiness and love of writing were good things. They turned into parts of me that remain that I turned into ways to help others know Jesus and supply help to others who wanted to do the same.

The Bible tells us to be transformed. Romans 12:2 NKJV says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” This is a process that takes desire and discipline. That is why followers of Christ are called disciples. We learn to love God like he loves us and this transformation will happen through this process.

I understood this aspect only vaguely when I accepted him. Of all the Christians I knew, there weren’t many I wanted to go to church with. However, I knew who to call on Monday during a break at work. That was the best call I ever made, and I went to the their church. I felt at home and welcome from the start, and that feeling never wore off. I know now God had set this all up because the timing worked so I could join their foundations class, and I had only missed a few lessons. Gaining a solid foundation and being inspired to learn how to have a relationship with Jesus led to the first thing that did not fizzle within a few months or even a year.

I’m still here over two decades later, writing about my experiences in order to show others they are not alone in feeling out of sorts in the world. The church is not perfect, and there is a lot of incorrect doctrine wiggling its way in these days. However, there is always a remnant of true believers, and like me, even before you accept Jesus, you probably already know who they are. God will lead you to find the right place to be where you can learn how to be your true self. He created us, so he knows us better than we know ourselves.

I’m still on the journey of figuring this all out, but the deeper I go, the better it gets despite life suddenly having more trials. I’ve had periods where I wondered, but knew I couldn’t quit. I’m glad I didn’t because I’m finding exactly where God wanted me to be amid the world’s confusion.

You can do the same. If what you are trying in life is not filling you properly and is leaving you clinging to something that isn’t working, you need to let go of those things and try something else. Why not try learning about Jesus? You have nothing to lose other than the things that are not helping you be your authentic self. The initial change in your life can freak out friends and family, but God will supply new friends and experiences that lead you to who you were created to be. Sticking to the path he sets you upon could lead some of those people back to you so they learn who Jesus really is.

There is no better time than the present to step out and try God’s way. This is a good reminder to myself because even now I am still peeling away old thoughts that distort my view of God’s path. It’s a journey of transformation that brings us to our authentic selves in the way nothing else can.

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