State of the Union (It's me. I'm the Union).

My fellow Substackians,

We are six weeks into this new phase of life. We have picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and begun again the work of newborn parenthood. We've laid a new foundation. A brighter future is ours to write. Let's begin this new chapter together.

(borrowed from Obama’s 2015 State of the Union address)

But seriously. Hey. It’s been a month and a half since Rhodes joined the crew, and we’ve come a long way (have we?). I’ve been able to write here and there but today I’m finally able to sit down and really write about every little thing that has or hasn’t happened, my observations, my thoughts and feelings, and the nanny drama that I teased on Instagram yesterday.

Parenting is fraught with outside opinions on what you’re doing right but mostly wrong and, honestly, I’m growing tired of sharing the deeper stuff in my life via flippant little Instagram stories, so I’m going to put this behind a paywall so even my haters have to cough up at least $5 if they want to hate-read (psychos) (I’m still reeling over the troll who tattled on me to the realtor).

So if you’re a free subscriber, this is where I leave you. If you’re paid, keep reading. And whether you want to upgrade out of love or hate, come on with it.

Belts remain tight around here as I am in a weird in-between jobs and maternity leave state of being. Zac’s job is going full-force (they even hired some new employees!), but until I actually have the time to sit down and pitch myself to potential new clients and drum up some more work, we’re cutting where we can and happily making a substantial dent in our savings to pay for our night nanny (who we’re hoping we only need through the end of June, but that all depends on Baby Rhodes and if he’s sleeping through the night by then. So, really, our finances are in his tiny little hands).

However, I do be shopping because absolutely nothing I already own fits me right now and even if it does, I feel terrible in it so I’ve treated myself to a handful of summertime basics to get me through the next few months while I settle into my postpartum body and decide what to do with it. I will be sharing these purchases in an upcoming letter. Working title right now is “Linen Girl Summer” followed closely by “The Summer I Turned Linen.”

I have my 6-week postpartum appointment Friday and am very excited to get cleared to exercise (not for sex, to be clear). I’m not sure what my exercise routine will look like just yet; all I know is I’m ready to start one. Zac and I both are. We’ve been through the ringer and are all out of sorts with our health, but that stops now-ish.

Ziggy started a new daycare on Monday, and so far, we couldn’t be happier with our decision to switch him. We were never super pumped about the one he’s been in for the past 10 months, but it made sense financially and locationally. However, I was always looking around at other centers just because. I ended up hearing about one that sounded promising, looking into it, and falling in love with it, so we made the change. Rhodes will start going in August, but only three days a week and that was actually a huge selling point for me. Most daycares offer an “all or none” infant program; meaning, it’s full-time care, Monday through Friday, full tuition. This daycare offers 2 or 3 day weeks for infants and older, which really appealed to me because I don’t want Rhodes to be there full-time until the new year AND the price reflects the amount of care, so we’re going to save a bit of money sending them both this fall.

Which brings me to the nanny drama. I am trying to get back to work and find a new client or two, but I can’t do that unless I have some sort of help during the week. Therefore, I asked Ziggy’s nanny (who was with him for six months) if she knew anyone (I would’ve loved to have her back, but she got her esthetician license and pivoted careers) and she referred a former coworker. We’d been talking this woman for months, she came over to meet our family, and just last week, we had solidified schedule, pay, etc.

So imagine my surprise come Monday morning at 8:15am when she hadn’t shown up, nor called or texted. The plan was to hand Rhodes off so Zac and I could take Ziggy to his first day at the new daycare together, but I had to take him alone while Zac hung back at home to finish feeding Rhodes. At 8:40am, I called the nanny and got no answer. At 8:41am, I received a text “Hi Emma. I’ll call you back in a minute” and never received that call. Now, everything I’d seen and heard about this woman read as responsive and responsible to me, so I was somewhat in shock that we were getting ghosted. I of course reached out to our original nanny who had referred her to explain what was going on, and our OG nanny was horrified to say the least.

But then something amazing happened. Our OG nanny asked if I was flexible on days and times because she could move her schedule around with her new profession to help us out. I said “ANYTHING FOR YOU” and long story short, our incredible amazing wonderful nanny who spent so much time with Ziggy is going to be getting to know Rhodes Mondays and Wednesdays until he starts daycare in August. So it all worked out for the MUCH BETTER, but. WTF with the ghost nanny?

I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I did… but not for long. I figured something terrible must’ve happened because that’s the only reasonable excuse for standing my family up. Alas, I got word today that nothing terrible happened. I don’t want to go into details because I know what happened last time I did that (with the terrible realtor and the move and all that), but just know that her and her family are just fine. She just sucks and we dodged a bullet BIG TIME.

This time last week, I wasn’t doing great. Basically, my mother-in-law came into town to stay with us for 2.5 weeks and help us get use to our new normal and, in that time, we decided to keep Ziggy home quite a bit to sort of wean him off his old daycare and get him in fighting shape for his new one. This was a cute idea in theory, but in reality, it was A LOT. A LOT, A LOT. It’s one thing being a parent to a newborn and an 18-month-old when the toddler is in school most of the day; it’s quite another if they’re also home while the baby is home. In that scenario, there is no break. There is no downtime. It’s gogogogogogogogogo. If you’re not with one, you’re with the other or you’re with both while one tries to climb you like a tree and aggressively pet his baby brother which is the cutest thing in the world but also slightly terrifying.

So Ziggy went back to his old daycare for the last two days of last week so we could really focus on Rhodes and resting, and it all worked out great. I hit the MIL jackpot; her being here for so long was easy and the biggest help. It was also really cool to have an outsider on the inside for an extended period, because she said not only had Rhodes changed so much from the time she arrived, but the vibe of the house had, too. “You’re figuring it out” is how she put it, and that meant a lot. And I suppose we are, but man — it’s very touch and go some days. Right now, we’re trying to get Rhodes into some semblance of a rhythm and on a schedule (which is a crazy notion for a 6 week old but night nannies are adamant and don’t mess around when it comes to structured schedules), so while I know how each day should shake out, it hardly ever does.

The main lesson I’ve learned so far into this two under two adventure is that having more than one kid is all about logistics. It’s literally all about figuring out who is doing what with who and when and where and how and having that knowledge so you can efficiently move through the day. There is no winging it (not really). There’s no spontaneity. There’s a plan and a schedule and everyone needs to know their role and place in that plan and schedule for things to run even somewhat smoothly. Zac and I have had some sit down talks about how to logistically be logistical. I wish I was kidding, but it’s so very true. In fact, I asked him “what is the best way for me to talk logistics with you? Like what form of communication and when?” Related: It took six years of togetherness and two kids for me to understand that no logistics should EVER be texted to my husband because that is the worst possible way to communicate anything of importance to him. WHO KNEW!

We’re getting our rhythm, even if it’s clumsy or off-beat some days. As for Law & Order when it comes to our kids, I don’t know if Ziggy is having an off week because of the big change with daycare, really settling into toddlerdom, a combo of the two, or something else, but he’s having way more tantrums than he ever has. He is the happiest kid I’ve ever met — truly, his baseline is JOY. But he’s been getting pissed more easily lately and had an EPIC 30 minute meltdown after school last night when it was just me, him, and Rhodes so that was terrible. But once it was over, it’s like nothing had ever happened and he was our Ziggy again. I literally looked at Zac and said “what the fuck just happened?” He’s also in his “NO” phase right now. His answer to literally everything is “NO" followed with an angry cry when you put away the snack he just said no to because he actually does want it.

Rhodes is a great baby. He is loud when he’s hangry and his hanger is frightening, but otherwise, he’s as easy as they come. His brow is always a little furrowed and his gas is powerful, but he’s only waking up twice a night right now (around 1am, then closer to 5am), he eats like a champ (4 ounces a bottle!), and really just wants to be held 24/7 (cute but highly unproductive, thusly why I can’t write most days). Zig is completely obsessed with “baby.” Like, obsessed. Loves him so much. Takes pacifiers to him. Always climbs on me or Zac when we’re holding the baby so he can pet him. Lays his head down on him lovingly all the time. It’s really magical to witness and eases my doom-filled anxiety instantly.

We officially booked our only two trips of the year: Montana in August and Cabo in October. We’re seeing a band called Goose in Montana and celebrating both our wedding anniversary and a best friend’s 40th in Cabo. I’m already fully planning on neither trip actually coming to fruition because that’s the way life goes with kids. Someone is bound to be sick and ruin it for everyone else, but we can dream, right? A girl can dream. If either trip happens, I’ll be SHOCKED. SHOCKED, I SAY!

In closing, we are surviving. We are adjusting to change. Some days are great, some are hard. Most are a mix. Juggling two this young has its moments, but it’s mostly chaos and tears and and wishing you had a third and fourth hand and wondering if it’ll get any easier or if you’re doing a good enough job. One day at a time, right?

I think that’s all for now but you never know,

EGM