There’s something I need to get ahead of before I begin seriously promoting Immortal Game. I play chess. I love chess. But I’m not that great at chess.
I do puzzles every day. I have purchased chess courses on the London and Scandinavian openings and have diligently memorized a few lines. I try to observe basic principles and try my very best not to blunder. I have watched what I consider to be an embarrassing amount of chess content. I keep up with major events (both tournaments and drama, of which there is a surprising amount) and tune into live coverage when I can. I have favorite players, favorite commentators, favorite content creators. But the problem is, I’m afraid to actually play. I’m afraid to lose.
When I boot up an online game, my heart races. My blood pressure rises. My hands shake. It feels like gambling. Winning feels like a high, and you can’t end on a loss, so you queue up and queue up and queue up until it’s two in the morning and you’ve crashed down the ranking ladder. Chess skill is measured by an ELO rating system. In overly simplistic terms: when you win, the number goes up; when you lose, the number goes down. Watching that number go down is enormously painful to me.
If you’re a competitive person, it’s likely you can relate. But if you’re not—or if you haven’t played this horrible, beautiful board game before—it’s hard to describe what losing at chess feels like, especially if it’s your own mistake that cost you the win. It’s a mixture of shame and anger. It makes you feel genuinely stupid. It makes you want to slam tables, even at the professional level. It can twist you (if you believe that Bobby Fischer’s terrible behavior during the 1972 World Chess Championship stemmed, at least in part, from a fear of losing) and drive you insane. I don’t know what it is. This game just has a way of getting into your soul. It demands perfection.
Immortal Game is, in part, an exploration of this unique phenomenon. It’s also an exploration of how we come to hate the things we once loved. Shea, the protagonist, is very burnt out. She’s terrified of losing, takes no joy in winning, longs to quit playing but knows she quite literally can’t do anything else with her life. This is a book about chess. It’s also a book about writing (or dancing, or whatever else you might love that hurt you).
Writing this book has made me want to rehabilitate my relationship with chess. I really do enjoy playing; avoiding it is kind of silly, when you think about it. In the grand scheme of things, what does a number attached to my chess.com account really matter? Its only use is telling me where I currently am and how far I have to go to get where I want. Etc, etc. I type these positive things and believe none of them. But I’m going to force myself to play anyway!!
I am currently rated 640 in rapid chess (a ten-minute time control) and 845 in daily (a 24-hour time control). Immortal Game comes out next year. My goal is to reach 1000 in each category by Immortal Game’s publication date. If that goes well, maybe we’ll go for 1200.
And if you have no idea why I’m talking about chess… I’ve announced my next YA fantasy, Immortal Game! It’s about a young chess grandmaster who enters a dangerous tournament in the treacherous realm of the fae in order to win her sister back from the High King of the Otherworld. Naturally, things get complicated when her longtime rival—the sharply beautiful faerie princess, Ciara of Bri Leith—enters the tournament as well.
moving sale
my july paperback releases
drafting updates
It’s that time again: I have received too many copies of my own books, and I am about to embark on a cross-country move. In three weeks, I will be leaving California, where I’ve been for the last 7 years, and heading for West Virginia (with a few-month stopover in regular Virginia). I am trying not to think about this too much.
The point is: if you’d like, you can buy a book from me for $5 (the cost of shipping, supplies, and the sanity lost by wrestling with my printer). I will also include art prints if I have them, and I will sign and personalize your books! I have:
3 copies of Australian Wings of Starlight (hardback, gilded blue edges)
6 A Dark and Drowning Tides (UK hardback)
20+ A Fragile Enchantments (US paperback)
If you’ve done this before, you know the drill: fill out this Google form. Supply is very limited; it’s first come, first served. I’ll email you only if at least one of the books you requested is available. From there, you can let me know how you’d like the book(s) personalized.
I had two books release in July. A Fragile Enchantment came out in paperback in the US, and Down Comes the Night, four years after its initial publication in the US, released in the UK for the first time.
If you’re in the mood for something whimsical and summery, A Fragile Enchantment is a Regency-inspired fantasy about a thorny prince and the dressmaker tailoring his wedding. If you’re longing for colder weather, Down Comes the Night is a Victorian Gothic-inspired fantasy about a magical healer who must cure the sworn enemy of her nation of a mysterious illness. Both are forbidden romances. Both are full of yearning. I appreciate your support of my backlist! <3
While I wait for Immortal Game copyedits to arrive, I have started another new book…!
I’d originally hoped to finish this first draft by September 3. I am currently 26,000 words into what will ideally be an 80,000-word first draft. I have very reluctantly accepted that this deadline will not be met. It’s disappointing, honestly. This year has been a series of deadlines that I have failed to meet. But I’ve been trying to give myself some grace. I’ve experienced the biggest success of my career alongside the worst personal lows I’ve ever experienced. I’m in the process of uprooting my entire life. An extra month or two to finish this draft will not kill me!!
I am, at least, having fun. The world (and some of the characters) are familiar to me, and this time, I’m experimenting with my process. I usually come up with a fairly detailed outline, but this time, I’m planning only a few scenes ahead at a time. I’ve even written a few things out of order. We’ll see how it turns out… I'm looking forward to sharing more with y’all when I can!
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