You’re hard on everyone, and it starts with yourself, and somewhere along the way you picked up the idea that this is what a high standard looks like. Maybe it was a coach. Maybe a dad, or a first boss who only ever spoke at volume. Nobody ever told you what right looked like. You just learned what wrong felt like.
Here’s the problem. If being hard on yourself actually worked, you wouldn’t still be fixing the same thing you were fixing five years ago.
In this episode, Eric Miller takes apart the difference between holding a standard and just coming down on yourself, and what that confusion is costing you. Not in the abstract. In information you’ll never get back, in the crew that stopped bringing you bad news, and in the failure you’ve been paying for instead of fixing.
He wasn’t always on this side of it. For years he thought self-compassion was what weak men used to excuse failing at something, and he would have argued it with you. What moved him wasn’t an argument. It was a boss named Walter, an office he did not want to walk into, and something that took him years to understand and a lot longer to turn on himself.
You’ll get two things to do about it before the hour is out. Neither one asks you to feel anything first.
And if you think compassion is the soft option, stay through the middle of this one. Nobody’s going to try to talk you out of anything.
Book: Allied We Can Find Common Ground- https://a.co/d/imxGqxa
Watch Season 2 of Allied We Can Raise the Bar on Being a Man, on your favorite platform
https://www.alliedwecan.org/podcast
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