A good idea is not an obligation

Confession: I had an entire program invitation written up and scheduled to go out today.

It was a good idea, too and I was excited about it. I am still excited about it!

And then, while I was taking a walk, I realized I needed to slow myself down and think honestly about my capacity and how this new program needs to work. I could see immediately how it would be helpful to my people, but I realized it would be a lot more work for me, and without any guaranteed additional income.

This is one of my patterns. An idea comes through and I fall immediately, passionately in love with it. I can see the title, the images, the shape of the experience, the incredible things we might make together, and within four-five hours I have accidentally created six weeks of work for myself.

And there is always another course I could teach, another workshop I could lead, another letter I could write, another creative retreat I could invite people into.

And I genuinely love doing these things…but loving the work does not make me infinitely capable of doing it. Especially if I want to give myself the space and time needed to write my own new creative work at the same time!

I went to seminary to become a Unitarian Universalist minister partly because church is free to anyone who wants to walk through the door. I believe deeply in accessible spaces, shared resources, mutual care, and the idea that our worth should never be determined by our earning power. The way capitalism currently works in this country runs against almost every instinct I have about how human beings should care for one another.

And yet, the house needed a new roof this summer and the basement is flooding every time it rains. My brilliant autistic child needs to go to a school where he can be safe, challenged, and understood. And there’s all the things we’re all dealing with here in the US: food costs an astonishing amount of money, healthcare costs even more, books, art supplies, travel, education, time, and rest all cost money.

We are beginning to drown in the ordinary financial realities of this era, and my discomfort with money will not keep the rain from coming through the ceiling.

And so, I am trying to understand money as a resource I can direct toward the life I believe in. But I am also trying to learn something that may be even harder for me:

A good idea does not have to become an immediate obligation. And being busy and being financially solvent are not the same thing.

I do not want every source of pleasure in my life to become another branch of my business, and I don’t want to be creating my work from a place of financial stress.

So I taking a deep breath, for just a moment before I press on.

And I have been writing down a few instructions for myself:

• Think of things as choices, not obligations.

• Make small changes regularly instead of big changes all at once.

• Allow yourself to shift gears, up and down. You do better in sprints and rests than at a steady pace (work-wise).

• Let your love life be good.

• Put a book together. You love putting a book together.

• Take beautiful photos. let yourself be happy.

• Stop holding yourself to impossible standards.

• Pivot more quickly when things feel overwhelming.

• Get an assistant if you want to run a biz; if you don’t, then don’t half-run one.

• Plant things in the earth and tend to them.

• Walk in the woods again.

Maybe you would like to write some instructions of your own this week.

Perhaps there is something in your life that began as a desire and slowly became an internally enforced obligation. Maybe, like me, you need to be reminded that you are allowed to pause before saying yes, even to something beautiful, even to something you thought up yourself.

Prompt: Write your own list of Ways to live more joyfully

Our next writing circle for paid subscribers will be on Wednesday, Aug 5th at 12-1:30Pm Eastern (9am Pacific time, 5pm London time). You can upgrade here to join us if you’d like!

I’ll send more details soon, and I’ll also share more about the Waning Garden once I’ve had a little more time to think carefully about how I want to shape it.

Thank you for being here while I figure out how to build a creative life that is generous, joyful, and sustainable.

I appreciate you,
Alix