The News... with Alison*

I’ve had a real on-again off-again relationship with the news.

It’s just such a bummer, you know? During the pandemic I was LIVING for updates about Alec Baldwin’s wife faking her accent. Remember that? “How you say, cucumber?”

It was the perfect story. Fizzy and dumb and without any real victims. I mean I’m sure Hilaria/Hillary wasn’t loving it but she was ultimately fine.

Since then it’s just been a cascade of shit with the occasional light moment.

You know what I miss? I miss Gawker. When I was working at Time Out New York and needed to take a break or just had a spare minute or two I would type Gawker.com into my browser window in the same way one might mindlessly scroll Instagram nowadays. I basically toggled between Cute Overload, Panda Cam, MediaBistro, and Gawker. NONE OF THEM EXISTS ANYMORE.

Gawker offered a window onto the news that made it swishy and palatable. As a Z list member of New York media myself, I even appeared on Gawker twice. One for my interview with former Mayor Ed Koch and once for something else that I can’t remember anymore.

When Gawker folded, I found myself with a big gap in my media diet. Nothing has really replaced it for me although I suppose reddit now sort occupies that space in that it’s sort of casual mindless clicking that makes me feel connected to what’s going on without leaving me depressed.

When my time as “newsgirl” on The Adam Carolla Show ended, I remember feeling somewhat relieved that I wouldn’t have to scan the news daily which had become my daily habit. I could take a real break.

And I did for a bit.

But the news swirls around us and lately it feels like it’s swirling faster and faster.

Today I’m recording a trial episode of The News, with Alison where my husband Daniel and I will discuss the headlines we’re thinking about each week. It will be available on my Patreon on Sunday unless it becomes so popular I have to turn it into a one-woman traveling roadshow. (Sorry Daniel)

Here is a look at some of the stories we’ll be talking about:

Epstein Files

If someone told me the Epstein files had been released and whatever you do don’t read them because it’s roughly 7-13 pages of the most upsetting, incendiary, unbelievably egregious heart of darkness, stare into the abyss an the abyss stares back at you shit, I would drop whatever I’m doing to read them. I would have read them so fast. I would probably have read and reread them. But THREE MILLlON PLUS pages of files that are referred to as a tranche which literally translates to piece or slice? Suggesting MORE? I just cannot. Can you? I’m a reader but not that kind of reader.

And so instead I’m hearing about it in dribs and drabs on social media. My God it’s awful. I’m still unclear if the more haunting allegations (murder, cannibalism) are credible but I fear they are. I’m also just simply stunned that Qanon was correct-adjacent. That part will fuck with us for a long time. Along with the rest of it.

But I do appreciate the frequent, “You’ll never guess who was mentioned in the files?” of it all. A comedian who was a dick to me years ago? Check. But also apparently the dad of a former classmate?

Savannah Guthrie’s Mom’s Kidnapping

Just awful. And there doesn’t yet seem to be any motive.

Burping Your House

This is my favorite of the stories I’ve encountered this week. In Germany they practice Lüften which is opening the windows all the way multiple times a day to allow for exchange of air. Leases require it. It’s supposed to help reduce moisture and VOCs in the air. But apparently relationships have broken up over it because people get cold. Now the practice has moved to America but it’s referred to as burping your house and some Americans are claiming THEY invented it!

Best in Show

A Doberman won for the first time since 1989!

Trump’s Racist Post

I truly think he’s just trying to throw as much shit at us as possible to keep the media scrambling.

Punxsatawny Phil

How is Gobbler’s Knob a legit name?

*and Daniel