Outside my Comfort Zone

With ShopMy, one of the influencer platforms I am on, there is a lot of gifting. And I often am offered gifting from brands I have never heard of before. Recently, ALIGNE offered me two items from a lookbook. A woman-founded apparel brand in the UK, ALIGNE had pieces up to a UK 18, which is around a US 14, which I sometimes fit. I could get two items; from the offerings I picked this top, which I thought would be cute with white jeans and colorful beaded necklaces, and this dress which is something I would never ever evahhhhhh normally wear.

The pieces arrived a week or so later. The top was horrific on me: very stiff, no bust darts, looked like a cardboard box in a lovely shade of celadon. But the dress? Omigod, this dress fit like it was custom designed for me. It followed my body’s curves perfectly, the hem just grazed the floor, even the sleeves were just the right length and width to work with my shoulders and upper arms. It was swishy and light and beautiful…

…and completely see-through. I mean, I knew that when I ordered it, but standing in front of my mirror in my everyday bra and underwear, the transparency was stark and strange and silly.

I mean, come ON, I am a 5’3” soft size 14, sometimes 16 middle-aged woman. I am 51, the silly BMI considers me morbidly obese, I have an apron belly, boobs that sag down my ribs (and one lower than the other).

I went to ALIGNE’s Instagram, where I saw lithe 20-somethings wearing this dress over a white bralette and white jeans with flip flops. I tried my off-white jeans, it looked lumpy and ridiculous. I tried my lightweight wide-leg linen pants with a clean waistband… they too were a big no. I tried a black t-shirt bra and black high-waisted bike shorts (TBH, a pair of Thigh Society Originals). Eh… it kinda worked but it kinda felt ridiculous. I asked my husband, whose taste I trust and who has spent decades embracing me being me with whatever I want to do with my style and appearance. “It looks try-hard,” he said, and I had to agree.

I tried this black bodyshort thing from True, and it still wasn’t right. A belt? A jacket? Maybe a scarf. Hrm, what about a long necklace? Everything felt wrong. I hung the dress up in my closet; if it stayed unworn by the end of the season I would donate it.

With Wardrobe Oxygen, I regularly have folks asking me if I offer personal styling (nope, did that decades ago, much happier writing). I like to offer a list of personal stylists I think have a similar vibe so I can at least offer an alternative. One of the styling companies on my list is Rise Styling. I found them through Instagram, and appreciated the inclusive, personality-focused ethos. Rise Styling reached out, asking if there could be a way we could work together.

They were heading to D.C. as a big law firm hired them to offer color theory training and individual sessions with their lawyers. They suggested coming a day early and heading to my house to do some work with me and my closet and film it. I knew my audience would love it; I did a virtual closet edit during Lockdown with a stylist friend and it was extremely popular. I also liked showing a 50-something not-rich not-thin person going through this process.

Before the visit, Rise Styling had me complete one on-demand workshop from one of their programs that helped us figure out my style archetypes. I have never been one to lean into archetypes, style words, color theory, etc. However, I found the workshop fun to do (it involves Pinterest and doesn’t involve collecting outfits, style icons, or anything to do with clothing or people).

Once I completed the workshop, Rise asked me to pick a couple things from my closet I had trouble styling. One I picked was this dress from ALIGNE. Not only did they find a way to style it from what I owned that felt completely me, they taught me a lot about the why behind why I like and dislike certain things on me.

First, the Rise team invited me to try the dress over my True bodyshort, styling a long shirt over the dress cinched with a black studded belt, and a bandana and chunky necklace twisted together in a really cool necklace concept. I got it, it was very cool… it was more complicated than I feel comfortable with. It was the kind of look I would see on one of the street style accounts I follow on Instagram, admire TF out of, but never wear myself.

Discussing the issues I was experiencing with the look, I found it was related to my style archetypes and the things I chose through that Pinterest workshop. I like colorful, bold, and unique, but I also like a clean, symmetrical, and finished effect. I like to balance low with high, distressed with polished, textured with smooth. As Rachel, a stylist at Rise Styling said, I like to spend a day at the beach with sand between my toes and saltwater in my hair, but at the end of the day I desire a luxurious hot shower with great water pressure. And my personal style reflects that.

Rachel and Liz tinkered, digging through my closet and jewelry armoire and came up with a combination I never would have considered, but liked so much I wore it out to see CrazySexyCool at Arena Stage later that week.

They pulled a red washable silk slip dress from Quince I had that I kept hanging in my closet under a coral red mesh dress. It was the only way I had worn it, and I would have never ever thought of putting such a color under the white dress. The knee length gave me the coverage I desired without hiding the transparency. The color was less harsh than black, giving the look a romantic vibe when black was giving more of an edgy/minimalism vibe.

And they piled three of my chunkiest silver necklaces together: a bold link from Jenny Bird I’ve owned for years (seen here), an oversized ball-chain necklace I had for a bit (seen here), and a vintage silver-plated graduated ball necklace (seen here) I actually felt was a bit too classic and ladylike and was considering selling. I would have never ever EVAH worn those three together, feeling it would be too much, too costume. But it really worked and made me fall in love again with the vintage necklace.

I always wear a wrist of silver bracelets and a wrist with a silver cuff; we kept that and added a single silver statement ring from Alexis Bittar (no longer available; here it is in gold, and here is a silver one from AB I also love). In my ears I kept things simple with relatively small silver hoops from Miru.

Chunky black fisherman sandals from Fitflop not only gave the bit of lift to keep the dress from touching the ground, it balanced the floaty dress. I was the one who added a grain leather slouchy tote I’ve own for decades (the one in the collage gives a similar effect). I added more of a cool-toned berry lip to purposefully contrast with the warm red, and then my go-to Prada frames, which felt right thanks to the heavy black bag and shoes.

Standing outside Arena Stage waiting for my friend, I got SO many compliments. Little girls, grown women, gays, and theys stopped to tell me how much they loved my dress. I felt comfortable, not only in the warm weather but in the total effect with my age, my body, my self.

I used to be a personal stylist, a personal shopper, an apparel merchandiser and trainer. I have written about personal style for over 20 years and I myself have a defined aesthetic (my husband will joke when he sees a woman in a striped top and tortoise glasses, wide-leg jeans or colorful pants with a shirt tied at the waist, or a curly brunette mullet, “She reads your blog.”). But sometimes a second (third, and fourth) set of eyes can offer a fresh perspective.