Spreading Sunshine: 11 Things About Me, 11 Questions for You

The innovative and generous writer and editor Allegra Huston, co-founder of the Imaginative Storm method of writing (with James Nave) Imaginative Storm, nominated me to share in the spirit of inspiration and reflection of the Sunshine Blogger Award. What an honor! To be clear, Allegra would be first on my list of nominees.

One of the best parts of being nominated has been reading back over the submissions by fellow nominees. There have been so many heartwarming stories. Such honesty. And the award for the funniest story goes to Wendy’s World star Wendy Varley for her recall of the knickers pyramid scheme of the 1990s.

Allegra relates the importance of not getting one’s “knickers in a twist” when she answers Kittenesque’s Petra Khashoggi ‘s questions. Below are my responses to Allegra’s list of questions, along with my eleven nominees for the Sunshine Blogger Award. I have prepared a list of questions for these nominees to ponder and reply to, if they wish. If not, they will know I believe their creations must be carried forward and preserved like precious flowers pressed in a favorite book.

My Eleven Answers:

1. What book changed your life?

Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. This book began my pilgrimage to address childhood perfectionism and low self-esteem. It cracked open the door to practicing self-compassion, understanding we are already worthy of love and belonging just as we are, and learning how to accept vulnerabilities and own our stories.

2. What is the greatest surprise in your life now, and what was the greatest surprise in the past?

I am surprised that at 65 my mind feels just as young and up for adventure as it ever did. I am generally excited about life and have many goals I want to accomplish. I don’t feel like I have an “old-lady” brain. When I was younger, I assumed that when I became a “senior citizen,” I would have lost all the verve of my youth. ( I realize I am fortunate here). The problem is my body cannot always keep up with the high spirits of my mind!

Looking back, I am surprised by the detached way I handled cancer at age 23. I realize now that is one way of not dealing with reality.

3. My dad used to say that everyone should be allowed three murders. What do you think? Would you use yours, and on whom?

With all due respect to your dad, Allegra, I abhor violence in any form. I don’t even like the idea of character assassination. When words fail, in a civilized world, there are other ways to cut toxic people out of our lives, ranging from “unfriending” them to pressing charges.

4. What is your favorite landscape? Describe in detail, please!

Every landscape has its own form of breathtaking beauty, and part of that beauty is in its uniqueness. Desert versus wetland. Mountain range or plains. Coastal and glacial. I have had the privilege of standing in many of these landscapes. Taking them in personally. Enjoying them with the benefit of every sensory input. Choosing only one favorite is like choosing a favorite child. They are all wonderful, each in their own way.

My favorite landscapes are found in the transitions. The part of the trail in a quiet spruce forest where the soft carpet of pine needles switches to a rocky switchback opening onto a mosaic of granite slabs. Criss-crossing up the slabs, I take care not to “step on the cracks or you’ll break your mother’s back” (or my own because the landscapes can steepen on some of these transitions). Above the treeline, the trail opens wide with bare granite domes rolling like the backs of whales.

Down the other side of the mountain flashes the granite-blue of the Atlantic Ocean through gaps in the trees, with the pungent aroma of pine of every breed giving way to a distinct brininess. A herald that the landscape is about to change again at the next bend in the trail, yielding to a dramatic, endless vista. Looking out over the water, among pine-studded islands scattered like afterthoughts. The waves trace white edges around them. I hear the bells of buoys and a whiny lobster boat. Gulls calling high above. Hiking down to gargantuan boulders cushioned with seaweed, I hopscotch among them. The sea air is brisk, whipping my hair across my face.

I pause at this New England seaside, iconic for its rugged, wild nature, for as long as I can. I linger in the tidepools looking for the tiny creatures that make their homes in this transitional place. Boulders give way to spongy peat that can swallow a hiking boot in the absence of the long ribbon of narrow boardwalks. There is no wind here. Everything is slower, damper. The trees pull back to reveal a wide marsh brushed with greens and golds. Bog-loving shrubs cling to the edges, and shallow pools collect between hummocks of moss. Frogs sound from invisible corners, adding their chorus to the clucks of hidden birds. The air is cool, sweet with the smell of decay.

Walking the boardwalk feels like threading a narrow boundary between worlds. The planks float me above an ancient landscape. When I reach the end, I cannot wish for more.

What is the purpose of viewing a landscape? I think it is to stop and stare. To notice. To wonder about our place in nature’s grand plan. To experience awe. I see this most clearly in traversing the transitional spaces of landscapes.

5. Tell us about your feet.

The thing about feet is they provide both groundedness and flexibility. From a standing stop of stability, I can instantly change my world in any direction, just by taking a step.

For instance, my feet have:

• Stood me back up after the many times I fell down. In despair, desperation, frustration, anger, and exhaustion. And once in a while in prayer.

• Walked me to class for too many years in higher education. Putting one foot in front of the other, trying to better myself.

• Walked me down a church aisle flanked by white pillars lit with brilliant old stained glass windows the color of rubies, emeralds, and sapphires.

• Stepped like soft slippers as they rocked our two infant daughters, walking the floor with them during colicky nights and pushing them in their strollers to the park when daylight broke.

• Stood up to cheer them at swim meets, band performances, and ballet recitals. And toasted them at their weddings.

• Pushed our youngest daughter in a wheelchair when she couldn’t walk. Walked triumphantly by her side when she could.

• Changed their pace when our grandchildren arrived, back to the run-run-run to keep up with them, then rock-a-bye-sway to soothe them, just like when my own children were young.

• Taken me on camping trips (why do I remember the rainy ones?) and stunning hikes up steep mountain trails and along coastal shores. They skied me down powdery slopes and broke my fall on one icy one. Everywhere I asked them to go, they took me.

If feet could talk, their story would have pacing. How long did it take to get from one place to another, and how fast could I get there? Or sometimes I wanted to linger. The story would have action. Running, jumping up and down. Dancing, twirling, tip-toeing, side-stepping. Slipping and sliding. Swimming. Feet can do a lot. There would be lots of sensory details. Was it hot or cold? Sharp or smooth? Wet or dry? Feet can even speak to the level of comfort of a situation. We all know that when our feet are dog-tired and we just cannot stand anymore, we lose interest in whatever someone is saying.

Who doesn’t want to put their feet up?

Come to think of it, my brain may be calling the shots, but my feet are running the show.

6. What are your top five favorite movies or movie scenes?

• The Wizard of Oz (Victor Fleming, Director) - Because switching from black & white to color is still awesome.

• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Chris Columbus, Director) - Besides the special personal connection I have with our youngest daughter on the HP series, what nerdy girl doesn’t want to be Hermione?

• North By Northwest (Alfred Hitchcock, Director) - Because Cary Grant is perfect with cool-as-a-cucumber Eva Marie Saint and bad guy James Mason on their tail. And the scene where Cary Grant gets chased down by an airplane.

• Christmas In Connecticut (Peter Godfrey, Director) - What’s not to love about Barbara Stanwyk swooning over a returning WWII hero at Christmastime?

• Being There (Hal Ashby, Director) - Chance the Gardener. Chauncey Gardiner. Peter Sellers makes the leap effortlessly.

7. Do you agree with Confucius that it’s a curse to live in interesting times?

We crave novelty and change, but by this definition, the “interesting” parts of history-wars, disasters, political upheavals, social decay — these are times we would never choose to live through. In my lifetime, there have been enormous cultural shifts in gender roles, civil rights, and LGBTQ+ rights. We have new definitions of family and marriage compared with earlier times. Seismic shifts in technology have made it faster and easier to communicate. And easier to isolate. We have instant gratification with Amazon, instant wars with drones, and can instantly rent cars/buy plane tickets/make hotel reservations/schedule doctor’s appointments/shop for groceries from the comfort of our beds.

Since the 1960s, we’ve gone to the moon, sent exploratory missions to Mars and have opened up the universe to our eyes and our instruments. How much more interesting can it get?

Interesting times force change from the status quo. Individuals and societies must re-examine fundamentals like preferences, values, choices, and allocation of resources. We find ourselves in a place where we can’t go back to where we were, so must find a new way forward. It’s not a clean-cut process. There are blind alleys and blind spots. Wrong turns that reveal weaknesses. House cleaning. Along the way, I think, hope and possibility offset the volatility and discomfort, making it all less of a curse and more like a tradeoff.

Wait-don’t they call this learning?

8. Cold or hot? Why?

Cold. Cold drinks refresh the body. Cold air invigorates the lungs and clears the mind. I sleep better when the room is cold. I have always found comfort in bundling up against the cold. Even as a mother, bundling our children up when the weather turned cold seemed a nurturing act. Outdoors, when I am cold, I can exercise to warm up. Heat can feel inescapable outdoors, especially in hot and humid climates (unless you live near the water).

I associate “cold” with the crisp autumn weather of the Northeast where I grew up. Apple picking, frosty Thanksgivings, and hopes for Christmas Eve snow are all part of the fabric of my childhood associations with the best weather.

A brisk hike on a chilly day with a few snowflakes, followed by a crackling fire. This is my perfect idea of the cold.

9. What is the best gift you ever received, and the best you ever gave?

Received: Brown Gund Teddy Bear with turquoise blue T-shirt. Given to me by my then-college boyfriend (now husband) on our first Christmas. He sent me home with “Bear” during our first semester break as a protector in a difficult home situation. That was in 1977. “Bear,” his T-shirt tattered and repaired several times, still keeps watch over me.

Gave: Rolex watch to my husband. After I graduated from college and got a good-paying job, I saved up for the watch and surprised my husband with it for his birthday. This would have been in the late 1980s. He has had it long enough to have it refurbished. The gift was meaningful to me because he had supported me through undergraduate and graduate school, and given me beautiful gifts through those years. I was happy to finally buy him something nice that he wanted with money I had earned.

10. Who is your hero, and why?

Our youngest daughter, A, is my hero. I admit upfront that I admire both of our daughters. They are my two favorite women on the planet. Our oldest, M, is the mother and career woman I aspired to be. She somehow manages her time to make her three children and husband a priority, while excelling at her job. In setting firm boundaries at work, she makes the most of her time at the office, so when it’s time to go home, she can make the most of her time with her family. She is a planner and a doer. M has boundless energy, and it warms my heart to witness her as a mother. And being a mother in these times is heroic.

But A quietly showed me what it means to be an everyday hero on a different level. Because of her, I have tried to be one myself. Without divulging too much, A and I have both seen the inside of a surgical suite far too many times for difficult, life-changing procedures with lengthy recovery periods. I started in my forties, but she began her odyssey in middle school, at a time when young women should be discovering what and who they like, where they fit, and what kind of person they want to be. Not preparing for another surgery, leaving class for scores of tests and follow-up doctor’s appointments, and later, learning how to navigate a wheelchair in a crowded high school with one elevator.

The high school-the top in the nation for math and science students.

For as long as anyone can remember, A wanted to become a doctor. She never wavered in her pursuit of this goal. No one would have faulted her for dropping behind in her studies, but if this high school had ranked its students (they were not ranked because competition for grades was so intense), A would have graduated right near the top of her class.

Stellar grade point averages are something every parent is proud of, but that is not what defines a hero. A’s heroism trickled into me as a grace under pressure. She seemed able to stay focused on the next task she had to deal with, whether it was a major exam or tomorrow’s post-op appointment. Her situation gave her every right to complain-many would have. I would have, and she was (and is) a tremendous source of strength to me when I faced my own challenges with pain. A went one step further. Again and again I witnessed her thanking her medical team. Many of us don’t think of doing that after extensive surgery. I would guess even fewer teens think of it.

The biggest reason I call A my hero is her quiet courage. This is not bravado, but a willingness to take the next difficult step. She helped the two of us turn a sometimes overwhelming and isolating situation into one where we are in it together. We became “medical buddies,” able to share our experiences on a deep, sometimes unspoken level. What magic is that?

A found where she fits. She always knew who she was and what she liked. Genuine compassion paired with a no-nonsense practicality seems to guide her. Today, A is a physician-scientist working with some of the sickest children. I could not be prouder of her. Heroes give back. It’s who they are.

11. They say that hearing is the last sense to go. What would you want to be the last sound you hear?

My family telling me they love me and will take care of each other. With the music from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon softly playing in the background.

My Eleven Nominees:

1. Jeannine Ouellette: writer and creator of Substack’s Writing in the Dark with Jeannine Ouellette whose posts about befriending uncertainty and using language to find truth and beauty in the world are a paradigm shift in writing.

2. Jonathan Fields: bestselling author, host of the popular podcasts Good Life Project and SPARKED and the voice behind Awake @ the Wheel on Substack. Creator of the groundbreaking Sparketype Assessment, a tool to identify work that makes us come alive.

3. Katharine Esty: bestselling author and expert on aging well. Her posts on Substack’s Aging Well with Katharine Esty parse the issues around getting older into bite-sized chunks.

4. Jeff Baker, M.D.: a family practitioner and creator of the Substack newsletter Frequently Asked Questions about Natural Migraine Relief for Women, Dr. Baker gives us a comprehensive collection of articles on how to improve our lives while living with migraine. His holistic approach offers options for patients who have run out of options to manage this debilitating neurological disease.

5. Suzanne Heyn: spiritual life and business coach, and creator of On the Road on Substack, a practical guide to living our purpose and creating soul-aligned businesses.

6. John Mandrola, M.D. and Adam Cifu, M.D.: Dr. Mandrola (cardiologist, electrophysiologist) and Dr. Cifu (professor of medicine, general internist) edit Sensible Medicine on Substack, a shared site of articles by “physicians, scientists, and thinkers” written for an educated lay audience. Their broad selection of articles shines a beam of light into hazy topics in medicine, bringing clarity to today’s issues and providing a starting point for discussions with one’s own medical team.

7. Bianca Marais (bestselling author, podcast host, creative writing instructor), Carly Watters (literary agent and podcast host), and Cecilia (CeCe) Lyra (literary agent and podcast host): publish an insider’s guide to the publishing industry for emerging writers as The Shit No One Tells You About Writing. The result is a supportive literary community on Substack. Alicia Maini and Rosanna Araujo assist.

8. Thomas Wolf: author (including two wonderful memoirs-The Nightingale’s Sonata, Musical Gifts), professional musician, international consultant to arts and culture, and Harvard professor. Winner of the 2020 Sophie Brody Medal for excellence in Jewish literary arts (The Nightingale’s Sonata). A champion of increasing opportunities for young people in the arts.

9. Jami Attenberg: bestselling author and creator of CRAFT TALK , a weekly newsletter on Substack about writing, publishing, and living the creative life. Home of the #1000wordsofsummer, a community-supported project to write 1,000 words a day for two weeks.

10. Susan Cain: bestselling author and thinker about “the quiet, the sensitive, the thoughtful, the bittersweet,” published in Substack’s The Quiet Life. A respite from chaos, especially for introverts.

11. Alice Zoo: photographer and writer who turns her lens on the ways “people pursue meaning: through ritual, community, and recounted memory,” shared through her Substack newsletter INTERLOPER.

My Eleven Questions:

1. What do you want to understand before you die?

2. Who are you becoming? Is it who you intended to be?

3. Who has been your greatest teacher in life? Lessons learned?

4. What habits are quietly shaping the person you will be next year? How?

5. When do you feel most awake to your own life?

6. What do you keep postponing that would transform your life if you began it today?

7. What have you overcome that you never really credited yourself for?

8. Which expectations of yourself are relics of an earlier life phase?

9. Select an animal that mirrors the way you move through the world today. Explain your choice.

10. What would “future me” thank me for doing today?

11. Look back at your life and choose an area of personal growth. What was your “character arc?” Where did you begin? Where are you now? What was the major turning point in your transformation?

How to Participate in the Sunshine Blogger Award:

1. Someone nominates you.

2. You accept the nomination and agree to participate.

3. You answer 11 questions for the nominator.

4. You select 11 fellow writers to nominate.

5. You link back to the one who nominated you and say a note of thanks.

6. You display the ‘Sunshine Blogger Award’ badge on your blog.

7. You notify the nominees to let them know you have nominated them.

Thank you, Allegra Huston ,for including me in this uplifting tradition of writers sharing about themselves through thought-provoking questions. I am honored to be included on your list of nominees.

Love, Alice