tbh i don't feel so sparkly right now

I didn’t feel like writing today.

(or yesterday, or this week, or last week for that matter.)

I haven’t felt like writing since I last wrote. I’ve had ideas pop in my head, little twinkles of promise that are quickly extinguished by an Instagram notification, or a new email in my work inbox, or a random thought that takes over my entire nervous system.

honestly, this isn’t an incredible start after starting my Substack and only sharing 1.5 posts. it’s kind of giving commitment issues? oops! (hello to my 12 subscribers! hope you haven’t missed me too much)

but it isn’t a lack of commitment, or even a lack of wanting to write and share posts with you.

it’s a lack of ability.

I don’t mean that I’m doubting my writing capabilities. I mean that I’ve not felt the physical ability to sit down and force thoughts out of my head. which, consequently, means they’re swirling around more than ever, tormenting me.

hooray for me!

if you’ll recall from my last (and only) post, I’ve declared 2026 to be my sparkly year. and if I’m honest, I don’t feel so sparkly at the moment.

I’m not quite sure what it is that’s dulling my shine, so to speak, and I’m not using this post as an opportunity to work all of that out. that’s what my therapist is for! shoutout to my girl, I’ll be seeing her Monday. xx

I guess the real reason that I’m writing is because I wanted to get something onto the page, even if it’s messy and kind of horrible and really embarrassing and probably will get deleted later. I’m a firm believer in the idea that messy action > no action. even if it’s bad, at least it’s done. and maybe this will remove my barrier to entry and get the creative flow slowly back in motion.

on another level, I think I just wanted to normalize this feeling, if only for myself.

I really do have a ton of ideas swirling in my head about what I want to share with you. I’ve filled up 3 pages of my notebook with solely substack post ideas and have started drafting a few in my head. but it’s the getting it out of my head part that’s a little trickier.

and that’s okay! I don’t have to be at my best at all times. I don’t have to follow a set schedule for my creativity or try to force it in any way.

I think this experience has taught me a key tenant of being sparkly: sometimes you aren’t so sparkly… but you can show up for yourself in a way that is.

like what I’m doing right now — showing up, getting it all out there, making a potential fool out of myself, being super vulnerable even though people are going to ~perceive~ me? this is wayyyy sparklier than if I just kept it all bottled up inside and continued to punish myself for not reaching invisible milestones.

and for extra sparkly points, I’ve chosen to romanticize this moment as if it’s an internal dialogue at the end of an episode of Sex And The City or Bridget Jones’ Diary.

“and just like that, I understood that being sparkly didn’t have to mean showing up as a false version of myself, but showing up exactly as I am without apology…”

now that we’ve gotten the embarrassing little elephant out of the room, before we part ways and I inevitably delete this post from ever seeing the light of day, I thought I’d share a few things making me feel infinitesimally sparkly this week.

• Harry Styles is back and so are all of my parasocial feelings for him that I tucked neatly away while he was off Lime scootering and running marathons and seeing the new pope. his new single “Aperture” (and the general vibe of the album) is very disco-y, atmospheric, hopecore, dancefloor makeout. while this isn’t my preferred style of art, I’m buckled in and ready for whatever HS4 brings us.

• for reasons I can’t begin to get into right now, the People We Meet On Vacation movie absolutely changed my life. I am a devoted Emily Henry stan so I was nervous to see one of her flawless books get the silver screen treatment, but after learning that Tom Blyth and Emily Bader would be the leads, I knew we were in amazing hands. and goooooodness, did they deliver! there hasn’t been a day since I watched the film that I haven’t thought about it. so much so, I made a Poppy Wright playlist (because she IS the blueprint).

• one of my fave instructors at my local spin studio did a Heated Rivalry themed class this week and it was what I can only describe as a euphoric 45 minutes. sweaty & loud under bright red lights, stomping it out to “I’ll Believe In Anything”, singing to myself in the back row — it was honestly everything that Kiss All The Time, Disco Occasionally wishes it was. here’s the playlist from class if you’re interested. no bike needed to enjoy!

• I watched Marcello Hernández’s standup special, American Boy, on Netflix, and I was genuinely in stitches the entire time. I don’t think there was a span of 45 seconds where I didn’t let out at least a chuckle. he does a bit on watching Full House as a young Latino boy and it nearly made me roll off my couch. it’s my rec of the week!

• I’ve immersed myself in the world of Bravo this week. I started The Real Housewives of New York from the very beginning and I’m in the midst of season 3, right before Scary Island (IYKYK). Kyle Cooke and my queen Amanda Batula are no longer, and I can’t wait to see her spread her wings and fly. after what feels like forever, we finally got a Southern Hospitality season 4 trailer. and of course, Traitors, the best show ever made, is gracing everyone’s screens (along with the terrifyingly perfect specimen that is Rob Rausch). it’s been a delicious week to avoid living in reality & to instead live in reality TV.

• I have a Nintendo game emulator on my computer which is typically my last resort when I’m ~going through it~ to make me feel better, and I started playing Animal Crossing Wild World last week. it’s forcing me to slow down (it’s an incredible slow burn of a game), enjoy whimsy and silliness through my funny little villagers talking to me, and enjoy its perfect soundtrack. as I chug along, I’ve been posting out of context screenshots on my Substack notes to share the whimsy with the class.

I think that’s about everything from me for now. I think I feel a little better? funny how not bottling your feelings up really makes a difference in your mental! huh!

I promise I do have some fun ideas for posts lined up in my head and one day (hopefully very soon), they’ll be gracing you and maybe making you feel a little bit more sparkly.

until then —