Mom Vs. Dad Roles

Hi guys!

Harrison has been gone for two nights, and it got me thinking...

He obviously left me with zero instructions (imagine that). But more importantly, if I left for two nights, I wouldn’t have to leave him with any either.

And that’s what I want to talk about today.

I’m taking you inside our house to show you how we divide everything—from parenting to paying bills to remembering when we’re almost out of diapers.

My mom always told me, “What you do at the beginning of a relationship, you’ll do at the end.”

I think the same is true for parenting.

If, when you first get married, you do the dishes every single night, you’re setting the expectation that when the sink is full... you’re the dish person.

Parenting works the same way.

In our house, Dad doesn’t “babysit.”

He parents.

Weekends aren’t automatically Mom’s responsibility. They’re our kids. If one of us has plans, we ask the other if they can cover. It’s never assumed.

Other than that, we’ve accidentally created what I call the “Chief Of” system.

Instead of both of us kind of doing everything, we each own different categories.

I’m currently the Chief Milkie Officer (still breastfeeding and pumping... a true honor).

Harrison is the Chief Financial Officer.

You get the idea.

I actually think this is a fun exercise for every couple. Sit down together and ask: Who owns what?

Not who helps.

Who owns it?

I was actually pretty proud when I made this list. It’s more balanced than I realized.

The Mental Load

The invisible work that keeps the family functioning.

• Doctor’s appointments: Dad

• Remembering birthdays: Mom

• Knowing we’re almost out of diapers: Mom

• Keeping everyone’s schedule straight: Both... and somehow neither.

• Planning meals: Both

• Remembering sunscreen: Mom

• Planning vaccines: Dad (Mom’s job is remembering to take everyone’s temperature afterward.)

Finances

I can’t even type this section without laughing.

Dad.

All around.

• Pays the bills? Dad.

• Makes the budget? Dad.

• Handles taxes? Dad.

• Calls insurance? Dad.

• Negotiates bills? Dad.

• Tracks spending? Dad.

I Venmo people and hope for the best. Usually the wrong amount!

Parenting Responsibilities

Not just “who changes diapers.”

• Night wakings: Both. We trade off.

• Morning routine: Dad gets Tate ready. Mom gets Rocky ready.

• Packing diaper bags: Mom.

• Bedtime: Dad. (Three minutes total. I’m still convinced he has magic powers.)

• Discipline: Usually Mom. Apparently I have “the voice.”

• Researching milestones: Mostly Mom, but honestly pretty even.

• Scheduling childcare: Usually whoever made the plans.

• Buying clothes before they outgrow everything: Mom. Happily. This is one of my favorite jobs.

• 

Household Operations

Who’s running the house?

• Grocery shopping: Mom.

• Cleaning: Mom is clean. Dad is tidy. There is a difference.

• Restocking toiletries: Mom.

• Yard work: Outsourced. Dad makes the phone call.

• Home maintenance: Honestly... our neighbor deserves this title.

• Calling plumbers: Dad.

• Organizing closets: We’d both like to formally resign from this position.

Calendar Management

Who remembers what?

• Birthdays: Mom. I also decorate.

• Swim lessons: Mom remembers. Dad gets in the pool.

• Date nights: Dad.

• Pediatrician appointments: Dad.

• Vacation planning: We both dream... Dad actually plans.

The biggest thing I’ve learned is this:

Our goal has never been to split everything 50/50.

It’s to make sure neither of us feels like we’re carrying the entire mental load.

Some weeks I do more.

Some weeks he does more.

But at the end of the day, we both feel like we’re on the same team. I love to say - we don’t keep score!!!!

Now I want to know...

What role do you own in your house?

ok love you guys!!!