Confessions of a misaligned Self-Projected Projector

In Human Design, I am a self-projected projector. This means my Inner Authority sits inside my identity center — the energetic hub that dictates our sense of self, life path, and capacity to give and receive love.

There is a ton of emphasis on the identity center being the seat of direction, specifically self-led direction. I think because so many of us can be obsessed with figuring out where we’re going, what our path is, and how to live out our highest purpose. Often we enter the system, or any awareness tool we choose to use, from the mind. And the mind loves to ask, what am I doing here? and how can I be useful?

There is so much teaching around the need for self-projectors to ‘talk it out.’ You’ll often here phrases like, “talk your way to clarity” “find someone you trust to self-project with.” We’re known as the chatty ones. My husband always says, boy, you can really run that motor. And it’s true, we can be talkative…really really talkative. But there’s a nuance I don’t think we talk about enough, which points to how we so clearly know and do according to us.

The Identity Center is first and fore-most, guided by Truth.

The reason self-projected projectors are the directional people, and why we seem to know where we’re going, is because we are built to know how to live inside our Truth and be an expression of it. The louder, not in an obnoxious way—but in a fully self-expressed way, we can live our Truth, the more easily we will align to our path.

My husband will look at an outfit I’ve put on and say, that is so Alex. A friend spotted a little notebook I picked up the other day and said, that is such an Alex notebook. It’s something neither of us can quite put our finger on… which is exactly why they just label it as me. When I am radiating my Truth from the inside out, when I’m a genuine expression of my Self, and when I choose for Me vs what’s “cool” people feel it. They see it. They see me. Not the try-hard version that I can very well slip into. But the me, untethered by any ideas of rightness or wrongness, I am intended to be.

When I am living in alignment with what is True for me, whether that be the notebook I carry or a major life decision I make, it is felt, and rewarded.

That is SO you.

It’s one of the compliments I get most often, especially from people who spend physical time with me. And it only happens when I’m telling, expressing, and aligning with my Truth.

My husband has been in real estate for over a decade. Wholesaling, flipping, renovation — it’s one of the things he’s brilliant at. I used to say to friends, jokingly, I hope I marry someone in construction so I can design my dream home. I’d just throw that out there without really knowing where it was coming from. But that’s the thing about self-projected projectors — pay attention to what you say out loud, because sometimes what comes out of your mouth is pointing you in the direction you’re meant to go. You might see it, feel it, experience it before it ever becomes physical reality. And your job isn’t necessarily to figure out the logistical aspects of it all, but to merely speak the truth and let it percolate around you. That’s how we manifest, through our voice. Giving yourself an outlet to talk isn’t just fun to have. It’s your personal nourishment prescription.

When I had my first child, I stepped back from my own work. I was in a vulnerable season and I didn’t feel like I could be front-facing in my own business, so I took what I called an indefinite maternity leave. And then my husband bought a flip and said, I think you’d be really good at this…do you want to design it? I did. It was so much fun. We made money. And then we just kept rolling.

And all of a sudden I found myself living inside the life my husband had built. His business. His dream. And I had been too wrapped up in my new life to even notice what it was doing to me.

About a year ago, we bought the house we’re living in now. I walked through the front door and felt it immediately — this is home. I felt a deep resonance with the space. Like it belonged to me. It was a financial stretch, and we had to get really creative to make it work on paper, but I wanted it so badly.

But part of what was driving that yearning was something I hadn’t fully examined yet: I didn’t feel at home anywhere. We’d been bouncing between rentals that didn’t feel like me— the design, the neighborhood, the energy. I was having such a hard time finding and expressing myself inside those spaces. And so I built up this story that if I could just design this dream home, it would finally be an expression of me. It would be the business card. The proof. The thing that made all of this feel real.

I told myself the house would be the showpiece. Like, of course people are going to take us seriously as this design duo, look at where we live. And in order to afford it, I said the words out loud: I’ll flip more houses. I’ll take on more. I’ll do my part to make it work. This is what’s going to make me happy.

I think you know where this is going.

Every time a new design project came in, I got sick. Not metaphorically — literally so physically sick, to the point where I couldn’t make decisions, couldn’t answer questions, couldn’t come up with solutions. And yet we kept taking on more more more, because I had made a commitment. I had given my word. And I take my word seriously. And so I kept pushing.

But I could feel it. The way I always feel it as a self-projected projector when there’s a truth I’m pushing down — when there’s something I’m not letting myself say out loud, not giving it a platform to be heard. Not a social media platform, just honesty with the people I’m in relationship with.

And I was in this place of, I can’t hold this in anymore. But also, I made this commitment. I gave my word. I went back and forth on this for months. Every time I’d say, oh, it doesn’t feel good, every time a project came in and I got sick — I’d follow it with, but I have to do it. I said I would. Until finally I just threw in the towel.

So I went to my husband and said: I’m afraid I am slowly but surely dying inside this role. I’m afraid I’m living your dream and not my own. And even though I’m making it work right now, I don’t know what this looks like when I’m continuously doing it over time.

The conversation was, of course, much more tear-filled and dramatic than that, and it took many conversations over many months. (I talk about it in depth, here and have documented the journey on my Podcast) But the essence of my truth was this: this does not feel aligned. I want to go back to what I was doing before I had kids. And this house…Yes, this house is beautiful. This house is me. But I have been making this house responsible for becoming a part of me that has been lost, when only my Truth can do that.

He didn’t react the way I feared he would. He had feelings about it, rightfully so. But we moved through it. And over the first half of this year, something shifted. We found a way to restructure the business that actually works better for both of us. I’m not going to get into the details because honestly they don’t matter. But what matters is this:

The other morning we were reflecting on everything that had unfolded. And he said, thank you for telling the truth.

Because the truth is what set us free — from the mental constraints we’d built around the business, around the house, around the roles we thought we had to play. And once it was out there, it gave both of us permission to ask a little more honestly, is this actually True for me?

That’s the thing about self-projected projectors I want you to hold onto: your truth is not just your truth. It’s a trailblazer. When you speak it — really speak it — you give everyone around you permission to find theirs.

It’s so much simpler than we make it out to be. You don’t have to talk yourself into a coma. You don’t have to have a solution. Oftentimes the truth doesn’t come with one. But it’s the catalyst for the direction you’re headed in. You just have to say what’s real.

Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s unsexy. And even when it rocks the boat.

It’s not about choosing the popular way, the high road, or the path most often followed. It’s about blazing a new trail that’s entirely your own.

The Truth will set you free. And when you’re living in alignment with your Truth, you naturally — through your very essence — guide others to do the same.