RSS Amplifier

new_wip · Oct 27, 2025

marnie critiques six poems about you

Read inOriginalenesdefrptjaittr
0
Sign in to vote or save

This page did not load. You can still read it on the original site — the toolbar below keeps your place in the directory.

why is “i” always capitalized, but not “we”?

I used to think I was a bad writer growing up. I often wrote sentences that were incomplete, in the wrong tenses, and they never quite came together into perfect paragraphs.

I couldn’t make sense of it! Because if I did follow the rules, how was I supposed to express how I felt, if the only acceptable form of critical thinking is the formal way?

I kept getting bad grades until my final years as a teenager. High school teachers and college professors started giving me good grades, not for remembering the exact history date or a character’s name in a novel, but for sharing thoughts that were true to me. This was when I learned about creative writing, and that a right way to write doesn’t really exist.

I started paying attention to how people communicate. Specifically, the little words people use most often — you, me, us, we, I — and what those reveal about their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It led me to read this book from 2011:

“In English, there are fewer than 500 function words yet they account for more than half of the words we speak, hear, and read every day. By analyzing their use, we begin to learn how speakers are connecting with their audiences, their friends, their conversational topics, and themselves.“

From “I am” to “i Am” — Identity to Being — here are six of my recent poems that reminded me of this research.

I bothered Marnie — an expert not just in the English language, but also in tone, judgment, and timing — for her review.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
as long as I am right
blindness by
“an eye for an eye”
but at least the world is fair
Marnie: Blind leading the blind, huh? Three lines and you think you solved morality. I once drank water out of your cup when you weren’t looking, and you thought it was still yours. Is that fairness? Score: 0/10, no one can see.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
all of You, none of you
You are the expert on love
You speak the language of love
You know what it looks like to love
You carry all the knowledge for love, but
the tear
                          You didn’t notice
until it fell
                          Your thought rose
                          You understand love, but
You will never let love
Marnie: “You will never let love.” Big talk for someone who closes every door behind them. I once got locked in the pantry for doing less. Score: 5/10, you might be the problem.
Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
want again..
distance me          from what I need
prevent me            from making it mine
force me                to forget what I know
suspend me          in the complete unknown
debilitate me         with the failure to succeed
let the desire        drown me
let the love            kill me
Marnie: Relatable. You sound like me when I want to go outside, but I don’t know what I’ll do once I’m out there. Desire is exhausting. Score: 8/10, we should go outside and touch some grass.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
perfection stole the aesthetic of authenticity
So factual in our knowledge
So delusional in our understanding
We answered with precision
We missed the connection
We believed so much in the nonfiction
We created the fiction we feared
Marnie: It’s always, “Where’s Marnie?” or “What’s Marnie thinking?” And never, “How’s Marnie feeling?” I’m going to go feral if another human assumes that I want to cuddle. Score: 1/10, my body, my choice!
Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
how to win at life
“I must do with hope and I might change.”
Says the hare.
“I must change myself to do what I hoped.”
Says the tortoise.
Marnie: The hare talks, the tortoise walks. I just get carried to my destination. Score: 8/10, flawless delegation.
Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published 
what I achieved
at the base
the believers wondered
why?
the magic of this mountain
the mystery of this mythic story
the unknown of its untouched peak
then the flags were placed
where those gods once stood
how spirituality is replaced
when curiosity is grasped
who?
the ego determined
from the start
Marnie: You climb to achieve. I chase the red dot to catch. We must believe, but we’re both so doomed if we ever succeed. Score: 10/10, mystery sustained.

Love you all. Thank you and hope you had fun reading!

-Pips

Read on alecbabala.substack.com ↗

Comments

Nothing yet. Say the first thing.

    Sign in to join the conversation.