YOU ARE NUMB

Numbness isn’t something that you notice. It hides in the background, even amongst the most intense emotions. It is the shadow that lingers as the sun crosses the sky.

Most of the time, you don’t pay any attention to the shadows that are present all day long. And yet, sometimes, those shadows seem to loom. In the moments you walk down a dark alley, or you turn down a trail to walk by yourself.

In those moments, the shadow stares you straight in the face. Numbness does this more than you recognize. When you see someone who has something you secretly desire, the dark alley staring you down.

The moments that you deny yourself what you deeply desire. What you crave. Telling yourself that you are not enough to have it. Or, it’s not the right time. Or, any of the other excuses you continue to give yourself daily.

The what that stands between you and everything you yearn to create. That isn’t some identity gap. It isn’t some timeline that you have to shift yourself into. It is who you are, innately. It is the you that sits here and reads these words.

You are already it. You are already your desires.

So why don’t you have them? Why do you feel this numbness in the moments when you “should” feel so alive and blissful? Why do you find yourself moving through motions that you know are performative and false?

Your desires hold the answers to these questions. Your desires are not something that you have to obtain. They are not something that you have to achieve or become. They are a compass that points to the illusion of separation within you.

A compass that points inward.

Back to the numbness. The suppression. The self-abandonment. Fundamentally, back to the wound that you are not enough. So you suppress your deepest desires

, and you perform. Hoping that the world will see your sacrifice. Hoping that, through the constant doing and chasing, something will be triggered within you.

Something will come alive.

But aliveness doesn’t awaken in doing. Aliveness awakened in meeting. When you meet yourself. When you meet the shadow, the numbness, the unworthiness, and you choose to feel it. No matter what.

In that moment, you no longer fuel the illusion of separation. You unify. And in that moment, aliveness is awakened.

I invite you to read my words. To hear my voice, my pain, my story. To meet yourself there.